Not our toilets. I'm talkin'
like Lowes, or home depot
no. No I was not fired
from home depot.
Okay, who told you that?
O'tooney? He's full of shit.
I left on my own volition to
pursue other opportunities.
Look I was falsely accused of
shitting in a display toilet.
That's it. I left on my own.
It had nothing to do with that.
Boss hired a rent-a-clause for
Christmas. Barbie was my idea.
Dave she seems a little under
dressed for Christmas.
Jack oh, yeah.
Santa ho, ho, ho
here comes Santa
now, why don't you be a good girl... I'd
like to give her a kiss on her camel toe.
Jack you're hired.
Barbie
what really I got the job?
Oh my god I'm so excited.
When do I start?
I want to start right now.
Yaay... wait!
Hold up pal...
Do I get to keep my tips or do I
have to split them with Santa?
Jack you can keep the tip.
Yo, black Jack.
Black Jack what the
fuck do you want man?
Jack this here's Jackson Porter
we call him
black Jack because...
Obviously...
Can you believe this is
the assistant manager?
He thinks he's really
clever. What are you
writing in your book? Some
of your wack black Jack raps?
Man fuck you white bread.
I'll slit yo' damn throat.
Whatever man yeah I'm good with
all that. That's no problem
cause I'm so big and strong, but
I ain't yo' house nigga though.
A'ight so don't be puttin me
on that heavy liftin and shit
all the damn time.
That's what I did at
the other fucking store
and I didn't come
here to do that shit.
No lackey work for me.
Get ya' own nigga for that
shit. You know what I'm sayin'?
Dave so he's a writer?
Jack what because of
his scribble pad? No.
He's writin" his
ghetto ass gansta' life
prison logic in there.
You don't know that he
could be working on a book
or some poetry.
And besides, if he
rips you like that,
why don't you
guys just fire him?
Because our
manager, Mr. Kipper,
is the biggest
most pathetic pussy
in the entire history
of big pussies ever.
And he's terrified of
that black bastard.
In fact I'm pretty sure he's
terrified of all the coloreds.
Oh I uh, don't think we
refer to them as that anymore.
We do here.
Mr. Kipper
we do here what?
Mr. Kipper? Ha, ha, oh!
I was just tellin' the new guy
here what a tight ship you run.
Oh, well then
please. Keep talking.
Uh Dave, uh barns,
welcome aboard.
It's so good to have you
on my tight little ship.
Uh Jack, once you've
shown him around,
send him up to
the office alright.
There it is.
Oh my god dude,
how gay was that?
In, in what way?
I don't mean gay
like offensively gay.
I mean gay like he wants to
lick the perspiration
off your ass hole gay.
Oh. Uh, the real gay
way. Yeah no I got it.
Jack!
Otto did you leave those fritter
wrappers by that paint can
that spilled all over the
filling cabinet? Yes or no boy.
Jack uh no man, of course not.
My weaknesses?
What in the hell kind of
question is that?
Are you talkin about my
disability caused by some
fucking towel head who shot an
RPG up my ass during my fourth
combat mission killing no good
cock suckin' camel fuckin'
terrorist in Iraq while
you were in college
suckin' off your liberal
no good hippie professor
at your communist lovin' college
in upstate my daddy's a rich
prick bought me a Porsche
can't afford to pay his taxes
that would fund the fuckin'
veteran's hospital that
would fix my leg so I could
kick you in your
fuckin' teeth right now?
That disability?
Hey this is Dave, the new guy.
Dave this is Otto, he's our
store... maintenance guy.
New soldier huh?
You look good son.
Fit, I like that.
I'm the tactical maintenance
team leader which means
I extract and destroy all the
shit these dickwads leave behind
every time they
traipse through my store.
What? What are
you laughing at boy?
That funny?
That funny to you?
You like dumpin' paint
toxins all over the place?
The same brain degenerating
paint toxins that bin Ladin
dumped on my ass back in 2005
after I killed his herd of
goats he liked to fuck. Huh?
That's why I'm
blind in one eye boy.
Sorry... about the
blindness and all.
We got some important
orientation stuff to do,
so if you'll excuse us.
Oh do you? Do you?
So we're just...
Do you?
Yeah.
Well you make sure
this dumb fuck right here
that he knows the difference
between methyl butyl hexane
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A hardware store employee's first night on the job is disrupted by the discovery of a dead body and a duffel bag full of cash.
导演: Jim Klock / William Mark McCullough
编剧: A.J. Via / Chad Ridgely
主演: Chad Ridgely / Michael Buonomo / 吉姆·克洛克
类型: 喜剧 / 恐怖
制片国家/地区: 美国
上映日期: 2016-11-05
12号大屠杀 Massacre on Aisle 12(2016) 全部台词 (当前第2页,一共 13 页)
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