两杆大烟枪 Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998)【完整台词】
两杆大烟枪 Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998) 全部台词 (当前第1页,一共 9 页)
Right, let's sort the buyers
from the spyers,
the needy from the greedy,
and those who trust me
from the ones who don't.
Because if you can't see value here today,
you're not up here shopping,
you're up here shoplifting.
You see these goods?
Never seen daylight, moonlight, Israelite
or Fanny by the gaslight.
Take a bag.
Come on, take a bag.
I took a bag home last night,
and it cost me a lot more
than £10, I can tell you.
Anyone like jewelry?
Look at that one there. Handmade
in Italy, hand stolen in Stepney.
It's as long as my arm. I wish it
was as long as something else.
Don't think 'cause these boxes
are sealed up they're empty.
The only man who sells empty
boxes is the undertaker.
And by the look of some
of you lot here today,
I'd make more money with me
measuring tape. Here, one price.
- £10.
- Did you say £10?
Are you deaf?
That's a bargain.
I'll take one.
Squeeze in if you can. Left leg,
right leg, your body will follow.
They call it walking. You
want one as well, darling?
You do. That's it,
they're waking up.
Treat the wife, treat
somebody else's wife.
It's a lot more fun
if you don't get caught.
Hold on, you want one as well?
Okay, darling, show me a bit of life then.
It's no good standing out there
like 1:00 half struck.
Buy them, you better buy them!
These are not stolen, they
just haven't been paid for.
And we can't get them again,
they've changed the bloody locks.
Here, one for you. It's
no good coming back later
when I've sold out.
"Too late, too late!"
will be the cry
when the man with the
bargains has passed you by.
And if you've got no money on you now,
you'll be crying tears as
big as October cabbages.
Bacon, cozzers.
Shit.
Ed can hustle a few quid here and there,
but his real talent lies in
cards and gambling with cards.
Bacon could see that his days of selling
moody goods on street
corners are numbered.
It's time to move on and he knows it.
And I'm 6'1 ", that's perfect
for my height, all right?
All right, you take a photo.
You're catching up with me, you are.
Look, what are you talking about?
I'm bloody skinny, pal.
Yeah, yeah, of course you are.
All right?
Nick the Greek, always a pleasure.
Tom, what have you been eating?
- I've been telling him this...
- Enough already.
You two, join me in my office.
So, how much is it then, Tom?
You know how much it is, Nick.
And that includes the amp, yeah?
No, that does not include the amp.
Shit, Tom, I thought it included the amp.
Well, it doesn't.
I'll throw in one of these
telephones if you like,
but it does not include the amp.
Very nice.
I hope it includes the speakers.
It doesn't include the speakers,
it doesn't include the amp,
and it's not supposed
to include me
getting the hump
with your stupid questions.
Now you want it, Nick, you buy it.
What else do I get with it?
You get a gold-plated Rolls-Royce,
as long as you pay for it.
Don't know, Tom.
Seems expensive.
Seems? Well, this seems
to be a waste of my time.
That is 900 nicker in any shop
you're lucky enough to find one in,
and you're complaining about 200?
What school of finance did you study?
It's a deal, it's a steal. It's
the sale of the fucking century.
In fact, fuck it, Nick,
I think I'll keep it.
All right, all right, keep your Alans on.
Here's a ton.
Jesus Christ.
You could choke a dozen
donkeys on that.
And you're haggling over £100?
What do you do when you're
not buying stereos, Nick?
Finance revolutions?
£100 is still £100.
Not when the price is £200, it's not.
And certainly not when you got
Liberia's deficit in your sky rocket.
Tighter than a duck's butt you are.
Now come on,
let me feel the fiber of your fabric.
The skinny one is Tom,
and he's the entrepreneur of the bunch.
He's got a couple of dirty little fingers
in a couple of dirty little pies.
Nick, here, however,
has made it his business
to have all 20 fat little fingers and toes
in every dirty bent
and stolen pie in London.
Between the two of them, there
ain't much you can't get ahold of.
That's my 25 grand, it's all there.
It took me a long time to earn that,
so you treat it with respect.
What about the chef?
What have you come as?
Cupid, stupid.
That's the last time I'm getting
any more fruit off of you, Tom.
Do you call that fresh?
There was more small, hairy armored things
in your fruit than there was fruit.
You should open a butcher's,
not a grocer's.
Well, if you will order
stuff from Katmandu,
don't be surprised if it picks
up a few tourists en route.
Anyway, enough about that.
Where's the money?
Oi!
Keep your fingers out of my soup.
Soap is called Soap because he
likes to keep his hands clean
of any unlawful behavior.
He's proud of his job and
even more proud that it's legal.
He represents the more
sensible side of the four.
You sure you can afford 25?
That depends on how you look at it.
I can afford it as long as I see it again,
if that's what you mean.
Got the rest from the fat man and Bacon?
Fat man, Bacon and myself.
Looks like it's time to
make that call to Harry.
Who's this fat man then, eh?
Do you want a sandwich, Bacon?
It's not easy to take a
seat at this card table.
The amount of money involved
has to be 100 grand upwards,
and there's no shortage of punters.
The man who decides whether you can
play or not is this man, Harry.
Or as some, including himself,
like to call him, Hatchet Harry.
You got it all?
100 grand.
Well, if you got it, you got it.
Now, if you don't mind...
What's this Eddie like, then?
He's a fucking thief.
Harry has a colleague, a monster
of a man, Barry the Baptist.
The Baptist got his name by
drowning people for Hatchet.
- Are you gonna fucking pay?
- Yeah, I'll pay!
- How are you gonna fucking pay?
- I'm gonna pay it.
Barry makes sure the administrative
side of the business runs harmoniously.
The boy's got a rare ability.
He seems to make cards transparent.
He's got...
All right, all right,
so we can say he's good.
Oh, no, he's better than good.
He's a fucking liability.
Here, hold on.
What do you think of these?
We're selling hundreds.
Very nice, Harry.
What's it for?
Oh, don't play innocent with me, Bazza.
Spanking.
There's 25 from me,
Tom, Soap and yourself.
That's 100 grand to the pound.
So why the fuck are you counting it?
Because I like to.
So, a reasonable return should
be in the region of 120 grand.
That's for 25 grand invested,
going on previous experience.
Going on optimism.
Whatever it's going on,
it should be enough to send
you on a cooking course.
You're not funny, Tom.
You're fat.
And look as though you
should be, but you're not.
Fat? Who are you calling...
Jesus!
It's good in here, isn't it?
Handy for the tube, great electrics.
I can see why you moved in.
Don't knock it,
it's cheap like the budgie.
And nobody wants to live next
to the people we live next to.
A bit anti-social
to say the least.
What do you mean?
He means they're thieving bastards.
I mean, when they're not
picking peanuts out of poop,
they rip off unfortunate souls
of their hard-earned drugs.
Not exactly thick, these walls.
Nice work, John.
Get yourself a drink.
Is that it?
How many times do I have to
tell you, Plank?
from the spyers,
the needy from the greedy,
and those who trust me
from the ones who don't.
Because if you can't see value here today,
you're not up here shopping,
you're up here shoplifting.
You see these goods?
Never seen daylight, moonlight, Israelite
or Fanny by the gaslight.
Take a bag.
Come on, take a bag.
I took a bag home last night,
and it cost me a lot more
than £10, I can tell you.
Anyone like jewelry?
Look at that one there. Handmade
in Italy, hand stolen in Stepney.
It's as long as my arm. I wish it
was as long as something else.
Don't think 'cause these boxes
are sealed up they're empty.
The only man who sells empty
boxes is the undertaker.
And by the look of some
of you lot here today,
I'd make more money with me
measuring tape. Here, one price.
- £10.
- Did you say £10?
Are you deaf?
That's a bargain.
I'll take one.
Squeeze in if you can. Left leg,
right leg, your body will follow.
They call it walking. You
want one as well, darling?
You do. That's it,
they're waking up.
Treat the wife, treat
somebody else's wife.
It's a lot more fun
if you don't get caught.
Hold on, you want one as well?
Okay, darling, show me a bit of life then.
It's no good standing out there
like 1:00 half struck.
Buy them, you better buy them!
These are not stolen, they
just haven't been paid for.
And we can't get them again,
they've changed the bloody locks.
Here, one for you. It's
no good coming back later
when I've sold out.
"Too late, too late!"
will be the cry
when the man with the
bargains has passed you by.
And if you've got no money on you now,
you'll be crying tears as
big as October cabbages.
Bacon, cozzers.
Shit.
Ed can hustle a few quid here and there,
but his real talent lies in
cards and gambling with cards.
Bacon could see that his days of selling
moody goods on street
corners are numbered.
It's time to move on and he knows it.
And I'm 6'1 ", that's perfect
for my height, all right?
All right, you take a photo.
You're catching up with me, you are.
Look, what are you talking about?
I'm bloody skinny, pal.
Yeah, yeah, of course you are.
All right?
Nick the Greek, always a pleasure.
Tom, what have you been eating?
- I've been telling him this...
- Enough already.
You two, join me in my office.
So, how much is it then, Tom?
You know how much it is, Nick.
And that includes the amp, yeah?
No, that does not include the amp.
Shit, Tom, I thought it included the amp.
Well, it doesn't.
I'll throw in one of these
telephones if you like,
but it does not include the amp.
Very nice.
I hope it includes the speakers.
It doesn't include the speakers,
it doesn't include the amp,
and it's not supposed
to include me
getting the hump
with your stupid questions.
Now you want it, Nick, you buy it.
What else do I get with it?
You get a gold-plated Rolls-Royce,
as long as you pay for it.
Don't know, Tom.
Seems expensive.
Seems? Well, this seems
to be a waste of my time.
That is 900 nicker in any shop
you're lucky enough to find one in,
and you're complaining about 200?
What school of finance did you study?
It's a deal, it's a steal. It's
the sale of the fucking century.
In fact, fuck it, Nick,
I think I'll keep it.
All right, all right, keep your Alans on.
Here's a ton.
Jesus Christ.
You could choke a dozen
donkeys on that.
And you're haggling over £100?
What do you do when you're
not buying stereos, Nick?
Finance revolutions?
£100 is still £100.
Not when the price is £200, it's not.
And certainly not when you got
Liberia's deficit in your sky rocket.
Tighter than a duck's butt you are.
Now come on,
let me feel the fiber of your fabric.
The skinny one is Tom,
and he's the entrepreneur of the bunch.
He's got a couple of dirty little fingers
in a couple of dirty little pies.
Nick, here, however,
has made it his business
to have all 20 fat little fingers and toes
in every dirty bent
and stolen pie in London.
Between the two of them, there
ain't much you can't get ahold of.
That's my 25 grand, it's all there.
It took me a long time to earn that,
so you treat it with respect.
What about the chef?
What have you come as?
Cupid, stupid.
That's the last time I'm getting
any more fruit off of you, Tom.
Do you call that fresh?
There was more small, hairy armored things
in your fruit than there was fruit.
You should open a butcher's,
not a grocer's.
Well, if you will order
stuff from Katmandu,
don't be surprised if it picks
up a few tourists en route.
Anyway, enough about that.
Where's the money?
Oi!
Keep your fingers out of my soup.
Soap is called Soap because he
likes to keep his hands clean
of any unlawful behavior.
He's proud of his job and
even more proud that it's legal.
He represents the more
sensible side of the four.
You sure you can afford 25?
That depends on how you look at it.
I can afford it as long as I see it again,
if that's what you mean.
Got the rest from the fat man and Bacon?
Fat man, Bacon and myself.
Looks like it's time to
make that call to Harry.
Who's this fat man then, eh?
Do you want a sandwich, Bacon?
It's not easy to take a
seat at this card table.
The amount of money involved
has to be 100 grand upwards,
and there's no shortage of punters.
The man who decides whether you can
play or not is this man, Harry.
Or as some, including himself,
like to call him, Hatchet Harry.
You got it all?
100 grand.
Well, if you got it, you got it.
Now, if you don't mind...
What's this Eddie like, then?
He's a fucking thief.
Harry has a colleague, a monster
of a man, Barry the Baptist.
The Baptist got his name by
drowning people for Hatchet.
- Are you gonna fucking pay?
- Yeah, I'll pay!
- How are you gonna fucking pay?
- I'm gonna pay it.
Barry makes sure the administrative
side of the business runs harmoniously.
The boy's got a rare ability.
He seems to make cards transparent.
He's got...
All right, all right,
so we can say he's good.
Oh, no, he's better than good.
He's a fucking liability.
Here, hold on.
What do you think of these?
We're selling hundreds.
Very nice, Harry.
What's it for?
Oh, don't play innocent with me, Bazza.
Spanking.
There's 25 from me,
Tom, Soap and yourself.
That's 100 grand to the pound.
So why the fuck are you counting it?
Because I like to.
So, a reasonable return should
be in the region of 120 grand.
That's for 25 grand invested,
going on previous experience.
Going on optimism.
Whatever it's going on,
it should be enough to send
you on a cooking course.
You're not funny, Tom.
You're fat.
And look as though you
should be, but you're not.
Fat? Who are you calling...
Jesus!
It's good in here, isn't it?
Handy for the tube, great electrics.
I can see why you moved in.
Don't knock it,
it's cheap like the budgie.
And nobody wants to live next
to the people we live next to.
A bit anti-social
to say the least.
What do you mean?
He means they're thieving bastards.
I mean, when they're not
picking peanuts out of poop,
they rip off unfortunate souls
of their hard-earned drugs.
Not exactly thick, these walls.
Nice work, John.
Get yourself a drink.
Is that it?
How many times do I have to
tell you, Plank?
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