Mrs. Peterson!
Ramon, hey, how's it go’n?
How you do’n?
There it is, right there on the desk.
- Where's she headed?
- She’s snow bound, Ramon.
- See you went with the pink.
- Yeah, yeah.
It's kind of a pink day today.
I’m gonna have another
pickup for you on Thursday.
- All right. We'll see you then.
- All right. Thanks, Ramon.
♪ Bless my soul
What's wrong with me ♪
♪ I'm itch'n' like a man
on a fuzzy tree ♪
♪ My friends say I'm act'n'
wild as a bug ♪
♪ I'm in love… ♪
Peterson! Peterson!
Peterson.
- Mr. Cowboy, da?
- Da.
It's pretty.
It's from my wife.
Time…
rules over us without mercy,
not caring if we 're healthy
or ill, hungry or drunk,
Russian, American, beings from Mars.
It's like a fire. It could either
destroy us or keep us warm.
That's why every FedEx office has a clock.
Because we live or we die by the clock.
We never turn our back on it.
And we never, ever allow ourselves…
the sin of losing track of time!
Locally, it's 1:56.
That means we've got 3 hours and 4 minutes
before the end-of-the-day’s package sort.
That's how long we have.
That's how much time we have…
before this pulsating, accursed,
relentless taskmaster
tries to put us out of business.
Hey Nicolai, hey Nicolai, good to see you.
How are you, kid? Look what you did.
You just delivered your
very first FedEx package.
That deserves something
special, like a Snickers bar
and a CD player.
And something to listen to, a CD, there.
Elvis Presley, 50 million
fans can't be wrong.
You all recognize this, don't you?
I took the liberty of
sending this to myself.
I FedEx'd it before I left Memphis.
You're probably wondering
what could be in here.
What could it possibly be?
Is it architectural plans?
Maybe technical drawings?
Is this the new wallpaper
for the… for the bathroom?
It is… a clock,
which I started at absolute zero…
and is now at 87 hours,
22 minutes and 17 seconds.
From Memphis, America
to Nicolai in Russia, 87 hours.
87 hours is a shameful outrage.
This is just an egg timer!
What if it had been something
else? Like your paycheck,
or fresh boysenberries, or adoption papers?
87 hours is an eternity.
The cosmos was created in less time!
Wars have been fought and
nations toppled in 87 hours!
Fortunes made and squandered.
What?
What are you saying about me?
I tell them, what do they expect?
This man, when his truck broke down, he
stole a boy’s bicycle to do his delivery.
I borrowed it! I borrowed a kid's bike.
And I got my packages delivered,
and that is what you people are
gonna have to start doing.
You have to start doing whatever it takes,
because in 3 hours and 2 minutes,
every one of these packages
has to be on the big truck
and on its way to the airport.
15 minutes!
- Crunch time! Crunch time!
- Crunch time!
Let's go! Every package
on the airport truck.
Go! Crunch, crunch, crunch!
- We have a big problem.
- What?
- The truck in Red Square is stuck.
- What do you mean?
- It's stuck.
- Stuck how? In snow? In ice? What?
It's stuck! The most important truck,
the Kremlin truck! Many packages.
All right, all right, all right.
Let's put the table right here.
We'll just do the sort.
Ah, yeah, a clamp. That would make us stuck.
Let's go, unload. Get him out of there.
Right here, 2 lines, 2 lines.
1 to the airport truck,
1 to the Moscow truck.
Got it?
CDG, FE, ME, Memphis on the airport
truck. Everything else right there.
Nicolai! Tick-tock, tick-tock. 4 minutes.
Hi, this is Kelly. If you're
calling for Chuck, press 1,
otherwise leave a message
after the tone. Thanks.
Hello, Kelly. Are you there?
Pick up, pick up, pick up,
pick up. You're not there.
You're not gonna believe this. I'm do’n
the sorts in the middle of Red Square,
in the shadow of Lenin's tomb.
♪ I miss you ♪
♪ I miss you
I really wanna kiss you ♪
I’m outta here in 2 minutes and
I’m pick'n up the sweep through Paris.
So, I should be back in
Memphis about 18 hours or so.
That's the good news. The bad news is…
I gotta go to the Dentist this week.
I got something in there that's hurt'n.
I love you and I'm gonna see you
soon, and you know what that means.
Bye-bye. Nicolai! Tick-tock,
tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock!
I absolutely, positively have
to get to Memphis tonight.
Can't help you. Try UPS.
With this extra head wind, are we gonna
be able to push it and make the sort?
- We'll do our best.
- "Our best," huh?
Gwen, is there something wrong
with our doctors that Jack here
keeps getting certified to fly?
- Aren't you concerned?
- I'm terrified.
But a girl's gotta do
what a girl's gotta do.
That's the spirit. Relentless
is our goal. Relentless!
What do you expect from the guy
who stole a crippled kid's bicycle…
- when his truck broke down?
- I borrowed it.
But I love that the kid's now crippled.
So, you missed the last truck by 2 minutes?
2 minutes. Actually, it was less than that.
The plane wasn't that heavy.
You could've added some fuel,
picked up the speed and made up the time.
It's about the trucks. Today's
truck was 2 minutes late.
Tomorrow's will be 4 minutes late, and
then 6 minutes and 8 minutes late.
- Next thing you know, we're the US Mail.
- Yeah, well…
All I'm say’n is, if you’d
gotten all those trucks on the plane,
those Russkies would be
walk’n on water right now.
Hey now, don't… don't gimme that look.
It’s just grape juice, right Chuck?
It's like a 1992 full-bodied grape juice.
I see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.
We'd offer you some but, you know,
somebody’s got to fly the plane.
Yeah, well, I "just say no,” right?
Listen Stan, I've been meaning to ask you.
How's Mary?
Oh… well,
we really don't know anything yet.
She went to the Doctor yesterday, and…
it hasn't meta… metastasized
as far as they can tell right now.
It’s just kind of wait and see.
I'm so sorry.
Tell her I'm gonna come by
and see her on my next layover.
I want you to know, Stan,
we are all thinking about her and you.
- And just blessings.
- Thank you, Gwen.
Hi, this is Kelly. If you're
calling for Chuck, press 1,
otherwise, leave a message
after the tone. Thanks.
Stan.
Listen… I heard about this…
I heard about this Doctor
down in Emory, in Atlanta.
He's supposed to be the absolute best.
He worked on Frank Toretta's wife.
Frank Toretta is a Systems Analyst.
He played center field for us. You know him.
In the softball tournament last Labor Day.
Anyway, beside the point.
What I was thinking is,
is that I could get his number…
the Doctor… and…
you know, put you all together and…
you know, you could get this thing fixed.
You could beat it.
Thanks, Chuck.
So, I'll get his number.
- Is Kelly Frears around?
- She's copying her dissertation.
- You're home.
- Home indeed.
I love that you're home.
Just days before Santa departs
on his annual gift-giving venture,
he's been declared physically fit to fly.
Santa got checked out by doctors at
the VA Hospital in Augusta, Georgia.
After they declared the
jolly old elf in tiptop shape,
Santa Claus took off into the wild
blue yonder for an early start.
In Sarajevo, he spent the day with children,
handing out presents and
even helping them decorate
the special Christmas tree.
Santa and a sea of elves took over the floor
at the Hong Kong Futures Exchange.
Market traders bought Santa hats, donating…
The turkeys a little dry, isn't it?
- No.
- The turkey is perfect.
- How many did you do last night?
- Last night? 2.9 million.
Now you've got to be in the market
for more of these candied yams.
Here you go.
2.9 has got to be the record.
Look at those marshmallows.
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