安妮·霍尔 Annie Hall (1977)【完整台词】

God, I hope he doesn't turn out
to be a schmuck like the others.
Well, to me... I mean...
It's all instinctive.

I just try to feel it, to get a sense
of it and not think about it so much.

Christ, I sound like FM radio. Relax.
Still, you need aesthetic guidelines
to put it in social perspective.

I don't know. I mean,
I guess you must be sort of late.

You know, I've got to get there
and begin whining soon.

Are you busy Friday night?

Me? Oh, no.

Oh, I'm sorry, I have something.
What about Saturday night?

Nothing. No, no.

You're very popular, I can see.

- I know.
- You have plague?

I meet a lot of jerks.

I meet a lot of jerks, too.

I'm thinking about
getting some cats.

Wait a second! No, no!
Oh, shoot!

Saturday night, I'm going to sing.

You're going to sing? You sing?
No kidding!

- This is my first time.
- Really? Where?

I'd like to come.

- I'm interested.
- No, no. I'm just a...

I'm auditioning at this club.
It's my first time.

That's okay, 'cause I know exactly
what that's like.

You're going to like nightclubs.
They're really a lot of fun.

It had to be you

It had to be you

I wandered around
And finally found

This somebody who

Could make me be true

Could make me be blue

And even be glad

Just to be sad

Thinking of you

I was awful! I'm so ashamed!
I can't sing.

So the audience was a tad restless.

What do you mean, "a tad restless"?
My God, they hated me!

No, they didn't.
You have a wonderful voice.

- I'm going to quit.
- I'm not going to let you.

- You have a great voice.
- Do you think so, really?

- Yeah! It's terrific.
- I never even took a lesson either.

- Listen, give me a kiss.
- Really?

Why not? Because we're just going
to go home later.

There's going to be all that tension.
We've never kissed before.

I'll never know when
to make the right move.

We'll kiss now and get it over with,
and then we'll go eat. Okay?

We'll digest our food better.

Okay? Now we can digest our food.

Corned beef, please.

I'm having pastrami on white bread...

with mayonnaise, tomatoes and lettuce.

So, your second wife left you.

Were you depressed about that?

Nothing that a few mega-vitamins
couldn't cure.

- Your first wife, Allison.
- She was nice.

That was my fault.
I was too crazy.

That was so nice!
That was nice.

As Balzac said,
"There goes another novel."

You were great.

Oh, yeah? Yeah?

- Yeah, I'm wrecked.
- You're wrecked.

I mean it.
I'll never play the piano again.

It was, I don't know.
You really thought it was good?

Good? Yes. No, that was the most fun
I've had without laughing.

Here, you want some?

No, I don't use
any major hallucinogenics.

I took a puff about five years ago
at a party...

and tried to take my pants off
over my head.

I don't do it very often.
It just sort of relaxes me.

- You won't believe this, but...
- What?

I'm going to buy you these books...

because I think you should read them
instead of that cat book.

That's pretty serious stuff.

I'm obsessed with death, I think.

It's a big subject with me.
I have a pessimistic view of life.

You should know this about me
if we're going to go out.

I feel that life is divided up
into the horrible and the miserable.

Those are the two categories.

The horrible would be like terminal
cases and blind people, cripples.

I don't know how they get through life.
It's amazing to me.

And the miserable is everyone else.

So when you go through life,
be thankful that you're miserable.

You're very lucky to be miserable.

Look at that guy.
There's Mr. Miami Beach in the pink.

He's just come back
from the gin rummy finals.

He placed third.

Look at these guys. That's hilarious.
They're back from Fire Island.

They're sort of giving it
a chance romantically.

- Italian, right?
- Him? He's the Mafia.

Linen supply business
or cement and contracting.

Oh, gee,
mess up my moustache wax.

There's the winner of the Truman Capote
look-alike contest.

You are unbelievably sexy.
Yes, you are.

You know what you are?
You're polymorphously perverse.

What does that mean?
I don't know what that is.

You're exceptional in bed...

because you get pleasure in every part
of your body when I touch it.

Like the tip of your nose, and if
I stroke your teeth or your knee caps...

you certainly get excited.

You know what?
I like you, I really do.

But do you love me?
That's the key question.

I know you've only known me
a short while.

I think that's sort of...
Yeah, yeah.

Do you love me?

Love is too weak a word for what...
I "lurve" you.

I "loave" you.
I "luff" you, with two "f"s.

Of course I do.
Don't you think I do?

I don't know.

What do you mean? You're not going
to give up your own apartment, are you?

- Of course.
- But why?

I'm moving in with you, that's why.

- But you have a nice apartment.
- I have a tiny apartment.

- I know it's small.
- And it's got bad plumbing and bugs.

Granted, it has bad plumbing and bugs.
You say that like it's a negative.

Bugs are...

- Entomology is a rapidly growing field.
- You don't want me to live with you.

- I don't? Whose idea was it?
- Mine.

It was yours, actually.

But I approved it immediately.

You think I talked you
into something.

No. We live together,
we sleep together, we eat together.

Jesus, you don't want it to be
like we're married, do you?

- How is it any different?
- Because you keep your own apartment.

It's there. We don't have to go to it,
deal with it...

but it's like a free-floating life raft
that we know that we're not married.

That little apartment
is $400 a month, Alvy.

- That place is $400 a month?
- Yes, it is.

It's got bad plumbing and bugs.
Jesus.

My accountant will write it off
as a tax deduction. I'll pay for it.

You don't think I'm smart enough
to be serious about.

Don't be ridiculous.

Then why are you always pushing me
to take college courses like I was dumb?

Adult education is a wonderful thing!

You meet a lot of interesting
professors. It's stimulating.

Does this sound like a good course:
"Modern American Poetry"?

Or, let's see...

maybe I should take
"Introduction to the Novel."

Just don't take any course
where they make you read Beowulf.

What?

What do you think? Should we go
to that party in South Hampton?

No, don't be silly.
What do we need other people for?

We should just turn out the lights
and play hide the "salam" or something.

Well, I'm going to get a cigarette,
okay?

Grass, right? The illusion that it makes
a white woman more like Billie Holiday.

- Have you ever made love high?
- Me? No.

If I have grass or alcohol,
I get unbearably wonderful.

I get too wonderful for words.

I don't know why you have to get high
every time we make love.

It relaxes me.

You have to be artificially relaxed
before we can go to bed?

What's the difference, anyway?

I'll give you a shot of Sodium
Pentothal. You can sleep through it.

Look who's talking! You've been seeing
a psychiatrist for 15 years.

You should smoke some of this.
You'd be off the couch in no time.

- Come on, you don't need that.
- What are you doing?

- No, Alvy, please?
- You can live without it once.

Wait, I got a great idea.

Hang in there for a second.
I got a little erotic artifact...

that I brought up from the city,
which I think is going to be perfect.

There. Create a little
old New Orleans essence.

Now we can go about our business...

and even develop photographs
if we want to.

- Is something wrong?
- No, why?

I don't know.
It's like you're removed.

No, I'm fine.

Really?

I don't know.
You seem sort of distant.

Let's just do it, all right?

Was it my imagination or are you
just going through the motions?

Alvy, do you remember
where I put my drawing pad?

Because while you two are doing that,
I'm going to do some drawing.

That's what I call removed!

You have my body.

But I want the whole thing!

I need grass.

It ruins it for me if you have grass.

I'm like a comedian, so if I get a laugh
from a person who's high...

it doesn't count,
'cause they're always laughing.

Were you always funny?

Is this an interview?
We're supposed to be making love.

This guy is naturally funny.
I think he can write for you.

Yeah, yeah. Hey, kid,
he tells me you're really good.