安妮·霍尔 Annie Hall (1977)【完整台词】

Be nice to the host,
because he's publishing my book.

Hi, Doug.
Douglas Wyeth...

The Foul Rag-and-Bone Shop
of the Heart.

I'm so tired
of spending evenings...

making fake insights
with people who work for Dysentery.

Commentary.

I heard Commentary and Dissent
had merged and formed Dysentery.

No jokes.
These are friends. Okay?

Cleveland Cavaliers losing
to the New York Knicks.

Here you are.
There's people out there.

Two minutes ago,
the Knicks are ahead 14 points...

and now they're ahead two points.

Alvy, what is so fascinating...

about a group of pituitary cases
trying to stuff a ball through a hoop?

What is fascinating
is that it's physical.

That's one thing about intellectuals:

They've proved you can be brilliant
and have no idea what's going on.

But, on the other hand,
the body doesn't lie as we now know.

Stop acting out.

It'll be great, because all those
Ph.D. s are in there discussing...

modes of alienation,
and we'll be in here quietly humping.

Don't. You're using sex
to express hostility.

"Why do you always reduce my animal
urges to psychoanalytic categories,"...

he said as he removed her brassier.

There are people out there
from the New Yorker magazine!

My God!
What would they think?

- Damn siren!
- Don't get upset.

Damn it! I was so close!

Last night it was a guy
honking his car horn.

The city can't close down.

You want them to close the airport
so we can have sex?

I'm too tense.
I need a Valium.

My analyst says I should live
in the country and not in New York.

We can't have this discussion all
the time. The country makes me nervous.

You've got crickets. It's quiet.
There's no place to walk after dinner.

There's the screens
with the dead moths behind them.

You got the Manson family, possibly.
You got Dick and Perry.

Okay! My analyst just thinks I'm too
tense! Where's the goddamn Valium?

Okay, it's quiet now.
We can get started again.

I can't! My head is throbbing.

- You got a headache?
- I have a headache!

- Bad?
- Like Oswald in Ghosts.

- Jesus.
- Where are you going?

I'm going to take another in a series
of cold showers.

Max, my serve is going to send you
to the showers early.

Right. To get back to what
we were discussing.

The failure of the country to get behind
New York City is anti-Semitism.

Max, the city is terribly run.

I'm not discussing politics
or economics. This is foreskin.

That's a convenient out. When some group
disagrees with you, it's anti-Semitism.

The rest of the country
looks upon New York...

like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish,
homosexual pornographers.

I think of us that way sometimes,
and I live here.

Max, if we lived in California, we could
play outdoors every day in the sun.

Sun is bad for you. Everything
our parents said was good is bad.

Sun, milk, red meat, college.

Egad, here he comes.

You know Alvy?
This is Janet.

- This is Annie Hall.
- This is Alvy.

- Who's playing with who here?
- You and me against them?

- That's not fair.
- I can't play too good.

I've had four lessons.

Well...

bye.

- You play very well.
- Oh, yeah? So do you!

God, what a dumb thing to say.

You say "You play well," and right away
I have to say, "You play well."

Oh, God, Annie.

Well. Oh, well!

La-de-dah.

You want a lift?

Oh, why?
You got a car?

No, I was going to take a cab.

Oh, no. I have a car.

You have a car?

If you have a car...

then why did you say, "Do you have
a car" like you wanted a lift?

Geez, I don't know.
I wasn't...

I got this VW out there.

What a jerk.

Would you like a lift?

- Sure. Which way are you going?
- Me? Oh, downtown.

I'm going uptown.

Oh, I'm going uptown, too.

- You said you were going downtown.
- Yeah, well...

I can go uptown, too.
I live uptown.

What the hell? It would be nice
having company. I hate driving alone.

How long do you know Janet?
Where do you know her from?

- I'm in her acting class.
- You're an actress!

Well, I do commercials, sort of.

You want to watch the road?
You're not from New York, right?

- Chippewa Falls.
- Right.

- Where?
- Wisconsin.

- You're driving a tad rapidly.
- Don't worry. I'm a very good driver.

- You want some gum?
- No, thanks.

- Where is it?
- Don't do that. No, no, watch the road.

I'll get it.
Concentrate, will ya?

- I'll get you a piece.
- Listen. You drive?

Do I drive?
No, I got a problem with driving.

- You do?
- Yeah.

I got a license,
but I have too much hostility.

Nice car.
You keep it nice.

- Can I ask you, is this a sandwich?
- Oh, yeah.

I live over here. Oh, my God, look!
There's a parking space.

That's okay,
we can walk to the curb from here.

You want your tennis stuff?
You want your gear?

Yeah. That's good. Thanks.
Thanks a lot. Well.

Well.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

You're a wonderful tennis player...

and you're the worst driver
I've ever seen in my life.

Anyplace. Europe. Anyplace. Asia.

- I love what you're wearing.
- You do? Yeah.

This tie is a present from Grammy Hall.

Who? Grammy Hall?

Yeah, my grammy.

What did you do, grow up in a
Norman Rockwell painting? Your grammy?

- It's pretty silly, isn't it?
- My grammy never gave gifts.

She was too busy getting raped
by Cossacks.

Well, thank you again.

Oh, yeah.

Listen. You want to come upstairs
and have a glass of wine or something?

No, I mean you don't have to.
You're probably late and everything.

No, that would be fine.
I wouldn't mind. Sure.

I got time. I got nothing
until my analyst appointment.

You see an analyst?

- Just for 15 years.
- 15 years?

I'm going to give him one more year,
and then I'm going to Lourdes.

15? Nah, come on! Yeah? Really?

Sylvia Plath. Interesting poetess
whose tragic suicide...

was misinterpreted as romantic
by the college-girl mentality.

Right. I don't know.
I mean, some of her poems seem neat.

Neat? I hate to tell you this is 1975.

"Neat" went out
at the turn of the century.

Who are those photos on the wall?

Oh, you see...

that's my dad, that's Father,
and that's my brother, Duane.

Yeah, right.
And over there's Grammy Hall.

- And that's Sadie.
- Who's Sadie?

Well, Sadie met Grammy
through Grammy's brother, George.

George was real sweet.
He had that thing.

What is that thing where you fall asleep
in the middle of a sentence?

- Narcolepsy.
- Right.

So anyway, George went to the union
to get his free turkey...

because the union always gave George
this free turkey at Christmastime...

because he was shell-shocked
in the first World War.

Anyway, so George is standing in line...

getting his free turkey...

but the thing is he falls asleep,
and he never wakes up.

So he's dead.

He's dead. Yeah.

Oh, dear.

Well, terrible, huh?
Wouldn't you say?

Pretty awful.

It's a great story, though.
It really made my day.

I think I should get out of here,
'cause I think I'm imposing.

Really? Maybe...

- You don't have to.
- But I'm all perspired and everything.

Didn't you take a shower at the club?

No, no. I never shower
in a public place.

Why not?

I don't like to get naked in front
of another man.

I see.

I don't like to show my body
to a man of my gender.

- I see, I guess.
- You never know what's going to happen.

- 15 years, huh?
- 15 years, yeah.

God bless.

Well! Well...

You're what Grammy Hall
would call "a real Jew."

Thank you.

She hates Jews.
She thinks they just make money.

But she's the one, is she ever.
I'm telling you.

So, did you do
those photographs in there?

I dabble? Listen to me. What a jerk.
Yeah, I sort of dabble around,
you know.

You are a great-looking girl.
They're wonderful.
They have a quality.

He probably thinks I'm a yo-yo.
Well, I would like to take
a serious photography course.

Photography's interesting because...

I wonder what she looks like naked.
it's a new art form. A set of aesthetic
criteria have not emerged yet.

I'm not smart enough for him.
Hang in there.
You mean whether
it's a good photo or not?

I don't know what I'm saying.
She senses I'm shallow.
The medium enters in as a condition
of the art form itself.