Previously on Desperate Housewives.
That maniac was serving a life sentence! Hello, ladies.
Paul Young came back.
Doug is leaving me.
Lynette's friend had nowhere to go.
I've spent eight years loving someone else's daughter? A baby was switched long ago and Carlos made a decision.
Then we're not telling Gabby.
Susan got a job offer.
Women doing housework in lingerie.
While Bree's contractor With your red hair, you will look so hot in this room.
brought possibilities to light.
All set.
Now that you're a biker chick, there's one other thing you gotta know how to do.
Thanks, mister.
It had been a long time since Bree Van De Kamp was a little girl, but she could still remember everything she'd been told about sex.
Her grandmother informed her it was a woman's burden.
Her minister warned her it was a sin.
Her teacher taught her it was unhealthy.
Yes, everyone had told Bree her sexual urges were dangerous, but no one had ever told her how to get rid of them.
Hey, there you are.
I'm off to the bank.
Before you go, I want to show you something.
Come here.
Whole new idea.
I want to panel the study in this.
Oh.
That's unusual.
Historical birch from a Wyoming snow fence.
Over 200 years old.
Feel it.
No, really.
Feel it.
You know what they call this? Witness wood, 'cause it's seen so much history, unlike me, who slept through history and had to go to summer school.
I have to go, it's late.
Yes, when Bree was a little girl she'd been taught her sexual urges were dangerous.
Unfortunately, she was about to learn those urges were dangerous for everyone.
Juanita.
Oh, baby.
The doctors and nurses at Fairview Hospital are experts at healing.
They can set bones, bandage wounds, and treat diseases.
Sadly, one thing they don't know how to heal, is a guilty conscience.
I don't know what happened.
She just came out of nowhere.
Honey, this could've been any of us.
Kids on that street are always playing where they shouldn't be.
Still, I would just feel better if they would come out and tell us something.
Juanita was talking when they put her into the ambulance, I'm sure everything's going to be fine.
And I just spoke to one of the nurses.
She seemed pretty positive.
Well, that's a relief.
Paul? What are you doing here? I heard about the accident, so I rushed right over.
That's what neighbors do, right? Well, that's very thoughtful.
We'll tell Gabby you stopped by.
Yeah, don't feel like you have to hang around.
There's nothing we can do.
We can pray.
Dear Lord, we ask you to be with this young child -and with the doctors caring for her -What is he doing? -I don't know.
-and that she may be returned in full health to her loving family.
Amen.
Amen.
Well, I have to get home.
I'm expecting someone.
Please extend my good wishes to Gabby.
Dear Lord, please don't let that creep ever touch me again.
Amen.
Oh, Gabby, thank God.
How is Juanita? She's gonna be fine.
They're keeping her a couple of days for observation, so I told Carlos he doesn't even have to fly back from his business trip.
That's great news.
Yeah, it is.
Bree, Andrew, can I talk to you for a second? Thanks for coming.
I feel so blessed to have such wonderful What the hell is wrong with you people? First you take out my mother-in-law, then you go after my daughter.
Are you trying to kill off every Juanita Solis on the planet? I admit, it was a terrible coincidence.
You're getting sloppy, you know? This one was in broad daylight! I'm sorry.
She just came out of nowhere.
Have you seen my daughter? She never comes out of nowhere! On a related note, I just want to say how much I appreciate you not telling Carlos about me running over his mom.
I'm gonna give you that one, because I wasn't fond of her, but as for the rest of my family, learn to swerve! Why does this keep happening? I don't know.
Maybe God is punishing us.
Or God is punishing the Solises and we're just doing God's work.
I feel awful.
I should've never have been fiddling with that radio.
Radio? Mom, I saw you from across the street.
You were checking out Keith's ass.
That's preposterous.
You were looking at that contractor's butt like you were waiting for a side of steak sauce.
Watch your mouth.
This isn't one of your homosexual dance clubs.
I'm telling you, it was the radio.
Okay, fine.
But while we're talking about the radio, you do know that particular model is like 15 years too young for you, right? Who is it? Maxine.
Oh! Oh, hang on a second.
I was just wrapping up my first session.
I know.
I was watching.
And? What did you think? It was like watching a dream.
And you know why? 'Cause I was asleep! Sit down, honey.
It's time I gave you a few pointers.
Now, you see what I'm doing here? Ah! And let's not forget the duster.
Okay, okay.
I get it.
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