Previously on Desperate Housewives.
No sex for at least a month.
Bree made a decision.
Focus on getting me a divorce.
And hired Angie.
Let's get cooking.
Gabby struggled at home.
- What is going on? - It's called homeschooling! Lynette's body was changing.
I have to hide these things at work so Carlos doesn't find out I'm pregnant.
Cops wanted to know where you were the night that Julie Mayer was strangled.
You know I never attacked her.
Angie knew about the affair.
Is it true you shot Katherine Mayfair? And Susan got in trouble.
If someone wanted proof that Judge Mary Gallagher had a sense of humor, all they needed to do was watch her pronounce sentence.
For the slumlord who refused to fix a furnace.
You have to live in your own tenement, for a month starting in December.
The woman who threw a phone at her maid.
You will clean Mrs.
Garcia's home for the next six weeks.
And yes, you will do windows.
For the high school coach who made lewd remarks to a cheerleader.
At the next school assembly, you will perform a cheer, in uniform, and I'd shave those legs if I were you.
And then there was the case of the housewife who shot her neighbor.
You'll stand next to me.
So, she just popped up in my window and I fired.
It was an accident.
Liar! It was no accident! She wanted me dead! I did not! At least, not then.
As you can see, Your Honor, this is an unfortunate situation.
It's a mess, is what it is.
I assume there's some history here.
- She once dated my husband.
- She stole him from me.
Stole? He came screaming back like he was running from a fire! Enough! I take it you're the man in question.
Oh.
Yes, Your Honor.
I could see shooting someone over you.
Thank you.
Okay.
I'm going to rule now.
My inclination is to avoid giving out jail time in this case.
- I object! - Overruled! However, a firearm was discharged, and there are consequences for that.
Your Honor, before you hand down your ruling, may I say something? Make it quick.
I already find you uninteresting.
Not only did Susan shoot me at point-blank range, she trashed me to all of my friends and neighbors, telling them I was some kind of crazy, stalking nut.
That true? Have you been trashing her? I never said "nut.
" I said "loon.
" Mmm-hmm.
Mrs.
Delfino? Okay, I trashed her a little, but what I said was true, and that's free speech.
You can't punish me for that.
Yes, when it came to sentencing, Judge Mary Gallagher had a sense of humor.
But not everyone found her funny.
There is a coffee shop in Fairview.
It's known as a place where you can read your morning paper, where you can meet your friends, where you can bump into your neighbors, whether you want to or not.
Hi.
Boy, I hope they have decaf today.
Last time I was here, they were out, so I had to have regular and got so wired, I didn't sleep all night.
Does that happen to you? Seriously? You think I'm gonna make small talk with you? Excuse me? I know you slept with my husband.
Oh.
So, I'm thinking we're past the chit-chat stage.
I am so sorry.
Let me tell you how shame works.
When you see the wife of the guy you banged, you don't make conversation.
You don't even smile and say hi.
You avert your gaze and you blush.
Nod if you understand.
Here's your mocha latte.
That'll be $3.
50.
It's on her.
She owes me.
Hey.
You're going to be late for class.
- Dad? - All my clothes are too tight.
- I had to borrow yours.
- I was going to wear that shirt today.
Well, when you're hiding your fourth month of pregnancy with twins, you can have it back.
What do you think? I'm still attracted to you in men's clothes.
Is that weird? All I need is to pull this off for two more days.
You should have told Carlos two months ago.
There's no way he won't be furious when he finds out.
Tom, I may be wearing men's clothes, but I am not an idiot.
I've got this.
Terrence Henderson and I are about to close the biggest deal in the history of this company.
Once Carlos sees how great Terrence is, he'll see the work can still get done, even when I'm on maternity leave.
And you're sure this deal is going to close? Nope.
That's why we need to keep our fingers crossed.
Okay now, wish me luck.
Good luck.
Now come here, Mister.
I want to kiss you.
Okay, now it's weird.
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.
Go ahead, my child.
Well, I've been homeschooling my daughter, and it's been a living hell.
So, I tried to bribe someone to get her into Catholic school.
And what happened? Well, you tell me.
Gabrielle, what are you doing? Come on, Padre! You're the head of admissions, and you've got a great school here, but there's a two-year waiting list.
Put your money away.
It's your money! Sleep with it for a while.
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