Eli Scruggs was the handiest of all handymen.
You could ask any of his customers, and they would tell you, there was nothing he couldn't fix.
Whether it was a broken vase a leaky pipe or a shaky banister, Eli always knew how to get the job done.
But sadly, the man who had fixed so many things for the residents of Wisteria Lane was now about to break their hearts.
Eli Scruggs, get down from there! Mrs.
McCluskey.
Just found this note in my mailbox.
Says you're retiring? What the hell? Yes, ma'am.
It's true.
Now why would you want to do something stupid like that? My doc says I got a bum ticker, have to take it easy from now on.
Well, once I'm done fixing Mrs.
Mayer's shingles, I'm on a plane to Waikiki.
- Well, this is very annoying.
Who's gonna fix my water heater when it breaks? Oh, I met this young guy named Toby.
Very bright, just turned 30.
He'll take care of you.
Ah, damn it, Eli! I am not comfortable with strangers in my house.
Took me ten years to trust you.
- I know.
Most of those guys leave tools and nails all over the place.
You never leave a mess.
Thank you, ma'am.
Have you told everyone else you're leaving? I left copies of that same note in everybody's mailbox.
Well, that's not right.
After all these years, people will want to say good-bye, and you know, maybe throw you a party or somethin'.
Oh, no.
I prefer to go quietly, if you know what I mean.
I don't want a big fuss.
Well, I'll miss you, Eli.
There will never be another one like you.
With that Eli Scruggs climbed his ladder for the very last time.
And once he had finished making his last repair, Eli Scruggs-- quietly, with no fuss-- had a heart attack and died.
And most importantly without leaving a mess.
It took an hour for someone to finally notice the body laying atop Susan Mayer's roof.
Aah! It was less than ten minutes later that the neighbors began arriving, each determined to get a look at the various paramedics and policemen who were all frantically trying to figure out exactly how to bring the body down.
And it took two days for my friends to realize this tragedy had affected them We're ready! Come on.
more than they were willing to admit.
Hey, Gaby, did you remember to get change? 'Cause when I cash in my chips, I don't want to hear you say, "all I've got is $50s.
" - Speaking of cashing in your chips, anyone know when Eli's funeral is? - Oh, I think it's Saturday.
I wonder how many people are gonna show up.
Mrs.
McCluskey was saying he didn't have much family.
Poor Eli.
We should make sure he's got flowers at his funeral.
I'm in.
- How much are we talking? I don't know.
What do you think, Gaby? Gaby? Wow! Jimmy Choo! Oh, Carlos! These aren't even in the states yet.
What's the catch? What are you talking about? You never buy me a present unless I'm mad or about to be mad.
And I don't think I am, so why am I about to be? I have to go to Cleveland tomorrow.
- Carlos! They're begging me.
The merger's going south.
You just got home! With shoes.
Don't leave me here.
I'm going out of my mind.
Everyone is so boring and suburban.
And how many freakin' honor students can that school have? Can we please not argue in front of the handyman? He has a name.
What's your name? Eli Scruggs.
You hear that, Carlos? You've brought me to a place where people are named "Eli Scruggs.
" Fine.
I'll give up my job and everything that comes with it.
Not the Jimmy Choos.
They're the only friends I've got.
Thought so.
I'm going to pack.
You know, it's none of my business You're right.
It's not.
But the ladies in this neighborhood are actually pretty nice.
- Yeah.
They came by, brought muffins.
One of 'em wants her basket back.
That'd be Bree.
Anyhow, she and the other ladies, uh, play poker every week.
If you'd like, I could talk to 'em, see if they'll let you host a game.
Hi.
We're, um the neighborhood.
Gabrielle invited us to play poker.
So is she in? Mrs.
Solis will be right down.
She likes to make an entrance.
What does that mean, "an entrance"? Hello there.
Welcome to my home.
Oh.
That's what it means.
So I said, "pumpkin"-- That's what I call Jon Bon Jovi-- I said, "pumpkin, even if I could steer a yacht, I'm certainly not about to do it in 5-inch heels.
" True story.
Well, you've certainly had quite a glamorous life.
Well, it was before my husband moved me here to East Nowhere.
Seriously, I don't know how you girls do it.
Do what? - Get out of bed in the morning.
I've only lived here a month, and I want to put a gun to my head.
You know what I mean? No, we don't.
There are no good nightclubs, no theater.
What do you do for a good time? Well, we watch the kids play soccer.
And the school drama department puts on some really great shows.
And then there's church, of course.
Church.
Oh, you're serious.
Look, I know it's quiet here, but I think you'll find there's a real charm to Fairview.
No, no, it's cute.
It's cute.
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