Max, I feel like this woman on Tinder is lying about her age.
If she's 78, I'm 25.
I'd say she's 80, but that rack is 40.
Well, maybe I can squeeze her in tonight, but I already got eight dates.
With my arthritis it's impossible to swipe left.
Girls, you're going to have to close up tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have a date with Earl.
Han, your only friend that isn't imaginary is here.
He's dropping my VIP passes to Game Con.
Ned's demo-ing the brand new video game he created, and I'll be there hanging out in the cosplayer's lair.
Is that where you don't get laired? Thank God I didn't tell you it was sponsored by Virgin.
I don't get video games.
In my day, if you wanted to enter another reality you just took acid and went to the aquarium.
Game Con has awesome swag bags.
This year they're handing out iPads, and last year I got the Microsoft Surface.
You are a Microsoft surface.
Have fun at Lollapa-loser.
I would never go to Lame Con.
I've got to go to Game Con! So we can make fun of Han some more? Because video games really seem to be my put-down sweet spot.
Caroline, it's about time you knew.
I'm really into video games.
I've known since I was ten.
Max, are you coming out to me as a game woman? There was this arcade at the pizza place my mom used to leave me at.
Ms.
Pac-Man taught me how to swallow pills.
All right, well, if we're confessing things, I really want a free iPad, so I guess you'll have to be nice to that nerd, even if he is a customer.
All right, we got this.
Suck it up.
I'm not sucking anything.
Hey, everybody! Well, I guess it's true what they say.
You can't hire my manicurist to put an addition on your apartment, yeah.
Oh, you're renovating.
That explains the banging and power drills I hear.
Most of that was us.
We got some new sex toys.
It's like Santa's dirty workshop up there.
See, we're splitting the boudoir in half so the baby can have its own bedroom.
Its own bedroom? So the baby that you're not even pregnant with yet is doing better than old Caroline? No, Ming Wa wants me to give up my walk-in closet.
I mean, that's where my purses and half my hair live.
So purses and hair are doing better than old Caroline too? Uh, earwax is doing better than old Caroline.
Come on, Caroline.
Let's shake these asses and get them passes.
Do you think I should shave my back for tomorrow for Game Con? My mom does.
Here are your fries.
Ned, have you been working out? You know my name? Max, take your hand away.
You'll kill him.
Is there any way you can get me into Game Con tomorrow? Oh! This is rich.
The hot girls need something from the nerds like in science class or any marriage in LA.
I don't have any more tickets or now a will to live.
So this is awkward.
Well, puberty's a challenging time, Han.
I did it! I got us in.
Max, again, I feel like the homeless shelter would be a step down for us.
To Game Con.
I got us jobs as booth babes! I'd rather go to the shelter.
What are booth babes? We just have to wear these dresses, look hot, and hand out some flyers.
Like a sexy Jehovah's Witness.
Wearing that? Where's the top? - That is the top.
- Okay, where's the bottom? - You're looking at it.
- Where's the middle? - That's it.
- And the rest? Oh, right.
Slutty boots! Are we really gonna show our vaginas for a gift bag? Yes, what else are they for? You heard Han.
We could get a TV, XBoxes, your precious iPad.
At the very least, bottled water.
It's just so degrading to parade around in short skirts and be fake nice to nerds and oh, my God, that's what we do at the diner.
Hey, girls.
We had to fire our contractor.
Yeah, it's just taking too long.
It's like having sex with a guy on Prozac.
Been there.
And I'm still waiting.
So we hired my cousin.
She and I have become close since we stopped dating.
I mean, we were going to stay at a hotel, but why do that when we can stay with friends? Friends? What friends? Not you, Caroline.
Max.
I can't believe what I'm wearing.
This dress sets women back further than HBO's "Ballers.
" Well, I think it's nice to be paid to put on clothes for once.
"Ant Thrax"? Oops.
You'll have to get it.
I can't bend over any further or everyone will see my PlayStation.
Did a very slow earthquake just hit this booth? Hi.
Is this, like, a real dance, or should I go get help? They're not having seizures.
I think we're supposed to dance like that.
Max? Caroline? Even though you just saw us doing that, we are still so much cooler than you.
Yes, but the gap's getting smaller.
How did you two get in here? A continuing series of bad decisions.
You wouldn't help us, so we decided to be booth babes.
The most recent in the continuing series of those bad decisions.
Max, Caroline, I'd like you to meet my gamer crew.
Basically, my Han-tourage.
You were right, this thing was sponsored by Virgin.
If you guys are here, who's watching your grandmother's basements? And this is my plus-on, Eunice.
AKA Super Nintend-Ho.
We never met till today.
Isn't he the cutest? He saved me from a burning village, and then he asked me to marry him.
Actually, my avatar asked her avatar to get married in the game.
Congratulations.
That's not sad.
I'm gonna go get my Pixel Pie a drink.
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