Okay, Max.
How would you describe our apartment? And I've already ruled out worse than that girl-pit in Silence of the Lambs.
Well, at least she had some silence once in a while.
Look, no one's gonna pay money to rent this dump.
We haven't in six months.
Everyone else in Williamsburg is making money renting their crappy places on Airbnb.
It's all how you describe it.
So let's start lying.
This is a fantastic idea and I really want to do this.
First question: "Describe your neighborhood.
" Run-down with a bunch of rats.
Old-world charm.
Pet-friendly.
"What type of people live there?" Junkies, whores, homeless.
Actors.
"Do you have a hot tub?" Sometimes.
"Gym?" Two.
Gay Jim upstairs, and straight Jim across the hall who's only gay when he's drunk.
"When is your space available? Always, sometimes, one time.
" Oh, just like our sex lives.
Always for me, sometimes out of boredom, and one time for you.
Earl, guess what Max and I did.
I know what you didn't do.
Clean this dessert carousel.
There's a Napoleon in here since Napoleon.
We rented our apartment on Airbnb.
You rented to Arabs? Well, good luck getting it back.
They tend to be a tad territorial.
Airbnb is an agency that rents to out-of-towners and I'm guessing local men cheating on their wives.
Well, I did it.
I know.
When you were 18 with Prince Harry.
Or so you say.
We have three offers for our apartment.
How? Let me rephrase that.
How! I found the perfect sales pitch.
"Stay at the place where dreams die"? "Have the authentic Williamsburg experience"" Oh, you mean getting clumsily felt up by a guy who looks like he came from the gold rush? Anyone can stay at a hotel.
But how often can you say you went to New York and stayed at a "Brooklyn bohemian barn apartment with a live-in horse"? Girl, you are good.
So now we just have to pick who gets our apartment.
A guy looking to get away from it all.
that's a suicide.
You're right.
We lie, they lie.
Um, a married couple looking to reconnect.
Murder-suicide.
And finally, a girls' getaway weekend for some fashion model friends.
A couple of chubby girls looking to murder some pints of Ben and Jerry's.
With maybe a sui-side of mac and cheese.
Hey, everybody.
Yeah, the temperature be droppin' and the bitches be nippin'.
I need a hot chocolate.
I'm right here, Sophie.
And I'm right here, Earl.
I mean, I get it, but bro code, man.
Well, big news.
I'm going on a trip.
Mushrooms or acid? I'm going to vermont! Oh, you're gonna be gone? Would you mind letting us stay upstairs at your place? We're renting out our apartment.
You're renting out that dump? Oh, are they filming Survivor at your place? So when are these losers arriving? They're not losers.
They're just girls paying us to have a fun weekend In our apartment.
What losers! Now that is a hand that's scooped some ice cream.
Hi, are you Caroline? Oh, my God.
They really are models.
Hi, I'm Lily.
Oh shoot, now I'm gay.
Lily? As in Lily Aldridge? And I'm Martha.
Hunt? Martha Hunt and Lily Aldridge? Max, do you know who they are? Sure do.
This one is the girl that I leave this one for.
No, Max, they're all Victoria's Secret models.
Yeah, we all wanted to hang out in New York before we leave for London.
We're doing a fashion show there.
I worked at the Victoria's Secret at the mall for one day.
Got fired for eating panda express over the thongs.
This is Max.
I'm Caroline.
I used to be rich.
I just felt like I needed to say that.
And these are our friends, Petra, Gabriella, and Rina.
Hi.
What are the odds you're all named after Columbus's ships.
Come in.
Welcome to "The Williamsburg Experience.
" It's bigger than it looks in the photo.
Well, I shaved of a couple of inches for the photo.
You know the drill.
So why the hell are you staying here? Is this training for when your looks run out? Oh, look.
The kitchen is so cute! Question: How do you walk the runway blind? It's just that we stay at the same Four Seasons all the time.
Well, you will experience at least two seasons here, 'cause the thermostat's broken.
It's 40 outside and 100 in here.
So as advertised, this is our sauna.
And our bohemian barn's right out that door.
Just follow the temperature drop.
Max, super models are staying at our apartment.
It's so exciting, I want to tell all my friends.
I guess I just did.
I see you met Chestnut.
That's his real mane, not extensions.
Also per our ad, a charming skylight.
In case you want to sit under the stars and have a little peace and quiet.
Hey, girls! Come up already.
I want to get to my college reunion.
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