Fresh warm cupcakes! Enjoy this winter wonderland with some hot, hot cocoa! Why are we open and selling to no one, when we should be closed and taking a floor nap? Yes, Max, it's a blizzard right now, but in an hour, it could be 65! That's the beauty of global warming.
You, stop! I'll give you a peppermint stick! That is a straw with red stripes.
Well, what sounds better, Max, a peppermint stick or "A straw with red stripes"? First of all, great impression of me.
And second, no one in their right mind is stopping for cupcakes right now.
Oh, hey, girls! Guess who wants a cupcake.
It's me.
Here you go, Sophie.
See, Max, we have a customer.
And just so you know, I'm not gonna pay.
Oh, I'm so glad you stayed open, even with all this snow everywhere.
You know, good for you.
You two are really committed to this little cupcake window, even when it's stupid.
That's it, we're closing.
These streets need to be plowed more than that poor married Jonas brother.
No, wait.
Listen! It's the snowplow.
Now, people will be able to get to us.
I told you, it is gonna be one of those magical New York City nights.
Do it again! Season 3, Episode 13 "And the Big But" Why are we here? It's still snowing, and we have no customers.
I had to put money in the cash register just to steal it.
We can't just leave.
Han's not here.
Maybe the trains aren't running, or Han got knocked out by a snowflake.
Well, you know the diner rule, the one I just made up.
If he's 30 minutes late, we grab whatevev we can fit in our pockets and leave.
Of course, if he's 31 minutes late and there's no one here, we all get fired.
But I say we roll the dice.
Well, whatever happened, we can't run the diner if Han's not here.
That's right, who's gonna walk around here guessing what a vagina looks like? Uh, me? Pick up.
I like this cold weather.
I get to wear my chin-cheetah hat.
Chin-cheetah? That's not even a real animal.
Yes, it is.
This was the last one.
Who's that food for? We don't have any customers.
It's for me and Deke.
We're studying pastry school stuff in the cupcake shop.
We're also putting rocks in snowballs and throwing them at hipsters wearing those stupid stuffed animal hats.
Max, you think school will be open? I was hoping it'd be closed, so I'd have at least have one day where I wouldn't have to deal with the drama between me and Chef Nicolas.
Oh, is that the married man you kissed? - Who told you? - You! Like a hundred times.
Ooh! Let's play a snow day game.
Like what, guess the code to the safe in Han's office? I know the first two numbers are eight and nine.
How about if you could have sex with anyone here, who would it be? "Could have" or "forced to have"? Oleg, you go first.
- I pick Caroline.
- Oh, thank you.
That's gross.
No, Caroline got mauled by a bear in the snow.
I did? No, it was me in a bear costume.
She never saw me coming.
So my only two choices are you or Earl? No, Earl passed away in his sleep.
Of course, you'll feel terrible when that happens in a couple of weeks.
Now, if you'd excuse me, I'm going to go home and roll me a fatty.
Her name is Denise.
Okay, so I pick you.
Me? You pick me out of all these two people? - Luis, are you blushing? - No! I'm wearing blush.
Don't worry, everyone! I survived! Still don't know where Han is, but the new Bond villain just arrived.
Now there's an even bigger Octopussy in town.
I'm very sorry I'm late.
I got stuck in a snow bank, and I had to pee myself out.
Where's Max? And I know shs's not trapped in the storm, 'cause she's the one who taught me how to pee my way out.
Max, what is the French name for this pastry that looks like a bunch of glazed balls? A sha-sha-sha? No.
A doh-doh-doh-doh-doh? Oh, so close.
It's a "pata-choo.
" French and chemistry for pastry school? I thought class was gonna be like, "Which is better, cake or bread?" "They're both great, duh.
Here's your degree.
" I have terrible news.
Han's not dead, and he wants us to do side work.
Do you mind? Harry Pothead and I are trying to study.
Oh, Max, I know how we'll pass.
We can ask that girl next to us in class for help.
She speaks French.
You know, the one with the bubble butt, Judy? Oh, yeah! Judy with the booty.
You don't know her that well.
Please, call her "Judith with the boodith.
" Max, can I interrupt this episode of "Ass Chat" and talk to you outside for a second? - Sure.
- Hey, Max.
Her butt's so big, she walks into the room doggie-style.
Like I said to my uncle when he came into my bedroom in the middle of the night, "This better be good.
" Does it bother you when Deke talks about other girls with you like you're a guy? Not as much as it bothers me when you talk to me like I'm a girl.
Look, Deke and I are just bros.
I don't want to sleep with him.
Not that there's anything wrong with two bros sleeping together.
I'm not bromophobic.
It's just not what this is.
So you're sure there's nothing sexual going on between you and him? Yes, I'm sure.
No! Watch, I'm gonna take a snow swim.
Not that cold.
You're right, nothing sexual there, unless you like adult men in underoos.
Well, there's Nicolas.
I was not prepared for this.
Really? 'Cause we spent the entire subway ride preparing you for this.
Okay, look, should I brace myself for weirdness between you two? And by that, I mean should I hit this? No, I'm cool.
Cool as a cucumber.
LL Cool J.
Never been cooler.
Ugh! Why didn't I drink before you said that? Oh, yeah.
I am gonna ice him out.
Well, maybe lose a couple of those cubes, because he is your boss, and the only reason I can afford to go here is 'cause you work in the office.
- Don't worry, he'll never know.
- Pretend you're Nicolas.
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