Okay, Max, I figured out our new schedule.
And I figured out the cheap toothpaste we've been using is really diaper cream.
On the plus side, that rash cleared up on my gums.
We'll do our diner shift from 6:00 till 2:00, then sell cupcakes here from 2:00 to 4:00, make the cupcakes in the morning from 7:00 to 11:00, and then pastry school from 12:00 to 4:00.
- Forget anything? - Just poopin' and sleepin'.
Now, I have to go rewrite the schedule.
Let's go, Max, you have a huge, huge day tomorrow.
- First day of pastry school.
- Stop saying it's huge.
Whenever I think something's gonna be huge, it just turns out to be all balls.
Season 3, Episode 10 "And the First Day of School" I splurged and had my blouse cleaned.
Dry cleaning bags remind me of when I had money.
Really? They remind me of when my mother tried to suffocate me.
Allegedly.
Let's go.
Wait, wait.
Max, you can't go yet.
I need you to stay and help with something.
Han, I told you it's bend and wipe, then up come your big boy pants.
Yeah, Hanâs right.
You can't go.
Stay here a few more minutes.
Why? Oh.
Are we having an intervention for Max? Hey, everybody.
Oh, I hope I'm not late for Max's first day of school surprise party.
Sophie, we hadn't surprised her yet.
Oh, but she's right there.
You just blew it, Han.
Aw, a surprise party.
- Isn't this sweet, Max? - I don't trust it.
Last time Oleg yelled "surprise" at me, his penis was on a hot dog bun.
One meat lover's pizza.
And one meat lover.
Max, come on.
Get it while it's hot.
You're opening that box.
Hm, who's got a ten to tip the cute pizza delivery guy? Sophie, this is Luis, the day waiter.
Oh, you're Sophie, Olegâs ex.
Sister, I know all about you.
Oh, do you? Do you know all about me? I'm his good friend.
You know, I'm having trouble hearing your accent.
Did you say "good friend" or "girlfriend?" Please, mami.
I wish.
I like the entertainment.
It's better than the magician at my friend Stephanie's 16th birthday that made her virginity disappear.
Max, we're all so proud of you.
Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.
Aw, crap.
I gotta do this again? All right, but this time, I'm not seeing Trouble with the Curve.
- You are about to do something very big.
- Yes, she is.
Such a big step.
Big step for both of us, 'cause I'll be using my business acumen working in the office to help pay the tuition.
Shh.
I'm talking about Max.
So we all chipped in to get you something for your first day of school.
It's my first day too.
Caroline, please, I can't hear Han talking about Max, okay? Here you go, darling, a book bag for school.
So what, then? Is my surprise party after this one? What is happening? People doing nice things for me and smiling? Am I transferring foster homes again? And there's more stuff inside.
That was supposed to be a surprise too.
Oh.
Surprise! Max, open it.
Look inside.
Yeah, Max, see what's inside for your big day.
Big day for Max.
Big day for me as well.
- A metrocard? No way.
- From me.
Unlimited rides.
Oh.
Unlimited rides? Is that what your tramp stamp says? I was gonna get mad, but that was a damn good one.
What's this? Han's house? A simple "thank you" would suffice.
Thank you for your house, Han.
It's a pencil case, and I love it.
And I was sitting here, thinking how you were all ignoring my part of the big day.
And then, you give me this pencil case to use in the office and prove me wrong.
That's for Max.
What the hell is wrong with you people? Max doesn't even need pencils.
She'll be baking.
Well, she'll be baked.
Take a look.
Joints.
Earl, that's so sweet.
These should last me till recess.
Wait, where's the chef's coat Sophie had monogrammed? Han, that was supposed to be a surprise.
Oh, I know.
Karma's a bitch.
Oh, well.
Look.
My name's on this.
The only thing my name's ever been on before is a urine sample.
Thank you, everyone.
So there is nothing in that bag for me? Nothing? Wow.
I'd even take Olegâs penis in a hot dog bun right now.
I'll be right back.
- Getting on.
- Please move.
- On! - Move! - On! On! - Move! Move! I love the subway.
It's the perfect place to get out aggression.
I just punched someone in the kidney.
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