- MY NEW SHEETS FROM THE "UNDER A DOLLAR" STORE FEEL SO LUXURIOUS, LIKE THEY COULD MAYBE COST OVER A DOLLAR, MAYBE EVEN 2 OR 3.
- YUP.
IT WAS A GOOD DAY OVER AT THE "UNDER A DOLLAR.
" STEAK, BED STUFF, AND MY NEW STEAK EATIN' CHAIR.
- DOESN'T IT WORRY YOU THAT YOU GOT THAT MEAT AND FURNITURE FOR THE PRICE OF AN ANGRY BIRDS UPDATE? - YEAH, IT WORRIES ME THAT IT'LL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
SHEETS AND STEAK? NEVER DARED TO DREAM IT.
- THESE SHEETS SMELL AMAZING TOO, THANKS TO THAT ONE LITTLE FABRIC SOFTENER BALL, ALSO UNDER A DOLLAR.
- I DATED A GUY WITH ONE BALL ONCE.
HE WAS ALL SELF-CONSCIOUS, BUT I TOLD HIM, "NO BIG DEAL.
IT'S JUST AS UGLY AS TWO.
" - I AM GOING TO GET SUCH A GOOD NIGHT'S-- OH, SHEET! "THREAD COUNT: YES.
WASHING INSTRUCTIONS: DO NOT WASH.
" ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO SIT IN THAT? - WOMAN, DON'T TALK TO ME WHILE I'M EATIN' MY STEAK! "INSTRUCTIONS: DO NOT SIT.
" - OOH OOH OOH OOH OOH [cash register bell dings] OOH OOH OOH OOH OOH OOH OOH - OW.
[gasps] YAY, ROOT BEER BARREL! OW! WHAT? A CANDY TRAIL.
GOD, ARE YOU JUST GETTING TO ME NOW? YOU DO WORK IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS.
- I'M NOT GOD, BUT I BELIEVE I DID ANSWER YOUR ROOMMATE'S PRAYERS LAST NIGHT.
- [laughs] - ANDY! SO HOW'D THIS HAPPEN? WHERE'D YOU GUYS FIND EACH OTHER AGAIN? REMATCH.
COM? EMPTY-VAJAY DATE? - NO, LAST NIGHT, I THOUGHT, "WELL, THESE SHEETS ARE ALREADY RUINED, SO I MIGHT AS WELL REALLY RUIN THEM WITH SEX," SO I CALLED ANDY.
- AND I WAS OBVIOUSLY FLATTERED, SO I CAME OVER.
- WELL, I HOPE YOU GUYS SPENT MORE THAN $1 FOR CONDOMS.
- HEY, THERE ARE TWO THINGS I NEVER SKIMP ON: CONDOMS AND CANDY.
AND MAX, DID YOU SEE WHAT I LEFT OVER THERE ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER FOR YOU? - CONDOMS? CANDY? CONDOMS FULL OF CANDY? - WELL, NOW, YOU'RE GOING TO BE DISAPPOINTED, BECAUSE IT'S JUST CANDY.
- OOH, ALL MY FAVORITES! I WONDER IF I CAN GET DIABETES BEFORE BREAKFAST.
THANKS, ANDY.
HA HA! THAT CANDY WAS JUST A DECOY, SO YOU DIDN'T SEE MY PUSH POP WHEN I GOT OUT OF BED.
- SOARE YOU AND ANDY BACK TOGETHER? - NO.
IT WAS JUST A ONE-TIME THING.
- LOOK AT YOU.
YOU'RE LIKE THE GREEK GODDESS OF BOOTY CALLS.
APHRO-WHITEY.
- KIND OF PROUD OF MYSELF.
MY VERY FIRST BOOTY CALL.
WELL, ACTUALLY, IT WAS A BOOTY TWEET.
BOOTY'S UP WITH THE TIMES.
- TECHNICALLY, BOOTY CALL'S BEEN AROUND SINCE THE OLD-TIMEY TIMES.
ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL'S VERY FIRST PHONE CALL WAS "HEY, YOU UP?" - HEY, SO, UM, I GOTTA GO.
IS THAT COOL? - OH, SUPER COOL, SURE.
WHAT DO WE DO, KISS? HIGH-FIVE? MAX, WHAT DO YOU DO IN THIS SITUATION? - I USUALLY WAVE AT HIM WITH MY ARM CLENCHED, 'CAUSE I'M HIDING HIS WALLET IN IT.
- WELL, NICE SEEING YOU.
- I DON'T USUALLY DO THE SALUTE, BUT OKAY, THAT CAN BE YOUR THING.
- EARL, HERE'S MY LAST CHECK.
CAN YOU TIP ME OUT? I HAVE A POSSIBLE BOOTY CALL.
- WELL, CAROLINE, YOU'VE REACHED A NEW PLACE OF FAMILIARITY WITH ME.
UNFORTUNATELY, I'VE NOT REACHED THAT SAME PLACE WITH YOU.
- CAN YOU COVER MY TABLES? - I'VE BEEN DOING THAT SINCE YOU STARTED WORKING HERE, SO YES.
- GOOD, 'CAUSE I'M GONNA TEXT ANDY FOR ANOTHER BOOTY CALL, AND MAYBE THIS TIME WE CAN GO OUT AND HAVE A BOOTY BREAKFAST.
- AS THE PRESIDENT OF THE CASUAL SEX SOCIETY, LOCAL CHAPTER, I CALL BULL ON YOUR BOOTY.
- WHAT? IT'S A BOOTY CALL.
- NOT WITH YOU IT ISN'T.
YOU THINK THAT BOOTY BREAKFAST WILL MAYBE LEAD TO A BOOTY DINNER THEN MAYBE BOOTY ENGAGED AND BOOTY MARRIED AND HAVE A COUPLE BOOTY KIDS AND A BOOTY RETIREMENT HOME AND THEN BOOTY DIE TOGETHER.
- THAT'S NOT TRUE.
HE'LL DIE BEFORE ME, THEN I'LL TAKE A DANCE CLASS.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DO YOU HAVE TO PEE? - NO, I FEEL SOMETHING [whispering] DOWN THERE.
- YEAH, YOU WOKE IT UP.
NOW IT'S HUNGRY.
BUT YOU DON'T TAKE IT BACK TO THE SAME RESTAURANT.
- WHAT IS THAT AND WHY IS IT WEARING A BOW TIE? - MAYBE BECAUSE AN ACTUAL TIE WOULD DRAG ON THE GROUND.
- SPEAKING OF "DRAGGING ON THE GROUND," MAYBE YOU COULD DRAG AN ANTELOPE BACK TO YOUR CAVE AND HAVE SEX WITH IT.
SEE, I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR TOO.
THAT'S ONE OF THE ATTRIBUTES ON MY ONLINE DATING PROFILE.
- HAN, ARE YOU ALL DRESSED UP BECAUSE YOU'RE EXPECTING A DATE? - OH, I'M EXPECTING A LOT MORE THAN A DATE.
OUR PROFILES MATCHED US PERFECTLY.
THIS MIGHT BE THE ONE.
- WHICH ONE? THE FIRST ONE? THE ONLY ONE? THE ONE THAT ACCIDENTALLY STEPS ON YOU? - SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HERE A HALF HOUR AGO.
- WELL, YOU KNOW, SUBWAYS RUN LATE, ESPECIALLY IF YOU DON'T GET ON THEM BECAUSE YOU DON'T REALLY EXIST AND ARE A MONEY-SCAMMING MAN IN NAIROBI.
- HI, I'M LOOKING FOR HAN LEE, THE OWNER.
- THERE SHE IS.
PRETTY, BLONDE, AND CLEARLY NOT A MAN.
WHO'S LAUGHING NOW? - YOU SHOULDN'T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS.
I ONCE HAD A DATE WITH A BLONDE WOMAN.
TURNS OUT, THE CURTAINS MATCHED THE PENIS ON THAT ONE.
- HELLO.
ARE YOU ASHLEY? I'M HAN LEE.
- HI.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
I LEFT SOMETHING IN MY CAR.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
- IS SHE COMING BACK? - HAN, JESUS IS COMING BACK BEFORE SHE IS.
- HAN, YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR HER.
- I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
WE WERE 97% COMPATIBLE ON THE WEBSITE.
- LET ME SEE YOUR PROFILE.
WHO'S THAT? - THAT'S ME.
- NO, THAT'S THE HOT ASIAN STAR FROM HAWAII FIVE-0.
- WHAT? WE KINDA LOOK ALIKE.
- THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE IN COMMON WITH THIS GUY FROM HAWAII FIVE-0 IS THAT YOU ARE 5'0".
AND HAN, "ATHLETIC"? - IN SCHOOL, I RAN TRACK.
- RUNNING UNDER THE HURDLES DOESN'T COUNT AS TRACK.
HAN, THIS IS TOTALLY LAME.
LET ME HELP YOU FIND THE RIGHT GIRL.
YOU GIVE ME SO MUCH JOY AT YOUR EXPENSE, I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO GIVE BACK.
- THANK YOU, MAX, I'M INSULTED AND HONORED AT THE SAME TIME.
- SEEING HAN AND ASHLEY TOGETHER FOR THAT ONE SECOND MADE ME REALIZE I WANT TO BE BACK IN A RELATIONSHIP.
I'M GOING TO TEXT ANDY.
- I KNEW IT.
I CALLED THAT.
I BOOTY CALLED THAT.
YOUR CASUAL SEX CARD IS BEING REVOKED.
UNFORTUNATELY, ANDY IS STILL AN ACTIVE MEMBER, VERY ACTIVE.
热门英文电视剧
老友记 Friends摩登家庭 Modern Family绝望主妇 Desperate Housewives破产姐妹 2 Broke Girls权利的游戏 Game of Thrones黑镜 Black Mirror爱,死亡和机器人 Love, Death & Robots杀死伊芙 Killing Eve第二十二条军规 Catch-22神盾局特工 Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.豆瓣高分英文剧
瑞克和莫蒂 Rick and Morty老友记 Friends火线 The Wire怪诞小镇 Gravity Falls探险活宝 Adventure Time with Finn and Jake无耻之徒(美版) Shameless飞出个未来 Futurama欢乐一家亲 Frasier 成长的烦恼 Growing Pains兄弟连 Band of Brothers飞哥与小佛 Phineas and Ferb风骚律师 Better Call Saul少年正义联盟 Young Justice亿万 Billions咱们裸熊 We Bare Bears副总统 Veep鬼屋欢乐送 Ghosts伦敦生活 Fleabag绅士杰克 Gentleman公关 Flack梅尔罗斯 Patrick Melrose21. And the Worst Selfie Ever (第2季)【完整台词】
所属电视剧:2 Broke Girls
21. And the Worst Selfie Ever 全部台词 (一共 4 页)
Copyright © 2021 TaiCiShe.com 版权所有。 联系我们