I can't believe you guys are still staring over there.
Some mothers tend to breast-feed for a lot longer these days.
It's called attachment parenting.
When the kid is that big, it's called dating.
I mean, he's gotta come up for air at some point.
No, he doesn't.
Isn't he too old to drink from the teat? The kid is my height.
Don't get any ideas.
Well, it's happened: I've lived too long.
I'm ready to order.
I can't.
I mean, I respect it all, but I'll throw up.
I'll go.
I can't afford HBO, and it's the closest I can get to seeing Game of Thrones.
Hi, what can I get you? He's obviously good drink-wise.
I'll have tea and a turkey club.
Anything for him? Coffee for the milk? Burger? Fries? I'll have fries.
Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh Ooh! Late night phone call.
Ring-a-ding-dang.
Someone's gonna get their freaky freak on.
It's my father.
I don't judge.
Hey, Daddy.
Me? I'm fine.
A little bummed: It's truffle season, and no one I know knows what a truffle is, but Oh! Our estate auction? Yeah, I think I heard something about that.
But honestly, Daddy, I haven't given it a second thought.
No, you don't have to worry about me.
I am not at all emotional about it.
Wha-- Thank God it's not flip-flop Friday.
Well, wait, I'll ask her.
My father wants to know if you'll come out to the prison - and finally meet him.
- Sure.
Great.
We'll see you tomorrow.
Bye.
I'm not going.
What? Why'd you say yes? 'Cause you never tell a man in prison no.
He could hang himself with his belt.
Do not give me that look.
It happened to me twice already.
Oh, God, has anything not happened to you twice already? Max, come on.
It's really important to me that you meet my father.
Well, you never met my father, and you don't see me dragging you to every rail road boxcar in the country trying to find him.
Come on, it's gonna be a really hard week for me.
Has any week ever not been hard for you? Everything I've ever owned is being auctioned off to the public.
I'm humiliated.
Would this be a bad time to tell you your one long face hair is back? Well, there's something they can't take away from me, and apparently, I can't either.
Well, well, here comes the sun, and the moon is looking great too.
Oh, Earl, your flirting is just the right amount of dirty, and that's not easy.
Sophie's here.
Quick, how's my hairnet? I'm about to go over and ask her out on a romantic date.
A date? Isn't that a waste of time? I mean, you guys already have sex so often, I took a pregnancy test.
Evening, Sophie.
As you know, we have now been together for 468 sexual encounters.
I believe it is time I take you out on a romantic date.
Aw, I don't know.
Who has time to go out any more? Can't you just come over and ruin my sheets like you usually do? Oh, just say yes.
I'll take you anywhere you want.
Then take me to the Channing Family auction and buy me something gold.
How is this romantic? How is this romantic? It's gold.
Wait, is that the catalog from Caroline's estate auction? Yes.
I found it in the trash out behind our building.
Caroline threw it there 'cause she doesn't wanna see it again.
You better give it to me before she comes out here and lights you on fire.
She kinda does that now.
Sophie, let go, seriously.
No, you're never gonna win, Max.
You know, when I was born, the doctors tried to pry my dead twin sister from my hands, but I never let go.
She was my first doll.
Hey, Sophie, you don't happen to have any tweezers, do you? Like, the really good industrial kind? Oh, you know about the hair? Oh.
'Cause I was gonna have to take you out for a beer and talk about it.
Max, what is that thing that you have behind your back? What? No, nothing.
Yes, right here.
Is that the auction catalog that just fell between your legs? No, you're watching an episode of I didn't know I was pregnant.
What is this thing doing here? Isn't it enough I have a 2-foot face hair? Nice, Han.
She's upset again.
Happy? Sorry, I thought we were playing some kind of hiding game.
Oh, reach for me like that again and we'll be playing a different game called "guess which part of Han I cut off.
" Yeah, that's right.
You better walk away.
Now, can I have my catalog back? You brought this in here? I can't believe it, Sophie.
I can't believe you think it's okay for you to just sit here and casually flip through this catalog that contains everything I love from my old life.
I just think it's really insensitive and stuff.
I mean, what are you thinking? What is wrong with you, I mean, besides your obvious choice of bad fabric and color.
Oh, no.
You back up your truck, bearded lady.
I'm insensitive? I'm the thief who stole all those people's money? And you don't think this color is happening? Pick up a copy of Polish Vogue.
All right, okay, okay.
It's all getting a little tense.
I think we're all clear about what needs to happen right now.
Plink.
Wow, this prison's a lot better than the last one.
It's more like a country club.
I mean, I think I saw a list for mixed doubles where we signed in.
Max, I know your idea of a country club's an abandoned car in the woods, but look around.
There's security cameras and bars on the windows.
All right, so it's a rough country club, where the strongest golfers make the caddies their bitch.
Max, my father's in prison.
Be more sensitive and stuff.
Look, I get it.
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