One steak sandwich and a cheeseburger with muenster cheese.
We're out of muenster.
Oh, since when? Well, let's see, the diner opened in '82.
So '82.
Hi, sorry but we're out of muenster.
Seriously, dude? I wanted muenster.
Sorry, we have cheddar, Swiss or American.
I hate cheddar and Swiss blows.
Well then American? American cheese? What am I, at grade school? Yeah, go to the principal's office.
I can't have another idiot up my ass right now.
It's at capacity.
Max, I got this.
Would you like to see the menu again? This is crap, okay, I wanted muenster.
Well, I wanted to be running a fortune 500 company instead of waiting on a toxic man-child like yourself.
But, we can't always get what we want.
So, order something else, put it in your pie hole and get on with your damn life.
Welcome to waitress.
We've been expecting you.
Here you go, table ten, Earl.
Have any exciting plans for tomorrow? Just trying to not die in my sleep, Max.
How about you? I'm going to visit Caroline's horse.
He was adopted by a rich white lady who could give him everything we couldn't afford to.
Which is everything.
White people will adopt anything.
I figured out the best way to go see Chestnut.
We take the J train to the 4, the 4 to Grand Central, change trains to Riverdale and walk three blocks to his fancy new stable.
Sounds exotic.
Do I need a travel shot? No, but there's a dicey underpass at Grand Central where we might get shot.
I am so excited to see my baby again.
Me too.
In the Lifetime movie version, we get there and Chestnut likes his new home better and then we cry.
Excuse me, Hi.
Sorry to bother you.
I'm Rhya, I'm a little embarrassed.
I just got my period.
Mazel tov.
Do either of you have a tampon? Not me.
I just go off into the woods and don't come out until it's over.
I have one.
I'm so sorry to bother you guys.
No problem, "Sisterhood of the Traveling Panty Shields" Actually, no, I don't have one.
Here's a quarter, there's a tampon machine - in the ladies' room.
- Thanks.
Pick up, table six.
I couldn't help overhear.
I have tampon.
Oleg, why do you have a tampon? Same reason I carry a lighter, even though I don't smoke.
Feels good to be the hero.
Sorry, again, but do you have any more change? It's 75 cents.
It's a quarter.
Says so on the machine.
It better not or I'm about to rage against the machine.
What? Han, I need to see you in here now.
But that is the ladies' room.
You're fine.
Women bring their little boys in here all the time.
Everybody decent? Man in the ladies' room.
I apologize for personal intrusion.
You don't have to cover your eyes.
It's a ladies' room, not a solar eclipse.
Max, why do you want to see me in this inappropriate meeting place? This is why.
The tampon machine.
Oh, this is not man topic.
I do not wish to discuss time of the month when ladies must chase the cotton mouse.
Chase the cotton mouse? Geeze, where'd you get your sex education? Lambchop's playalong? Han, you changed the price of tampons? Yes, this is not appropriate talk.
No, this is not appropriate action.
They've been a quarter forever.
Look how old this machine is.
Harriet Tubman used to get her tampons here.
I'm a businessman.
Emphasis on the man.
I do not belong in here.
Hey, hey! Don't make me chase you, you little khaki mouse.
Look, han, everyone knows there are certain things that people need in an emergency that you never raise the price on.
Things like what? Off the top of my head, tampons and 40-ounce beers.
Max, why are you so upset? It is only two more quarters.
Han, that's a 200% price hike.
That's outrageous.
You're taking advantage of women.
If men were the ones who got periods, tampons would be thrown free from floats like Mardi Gras beads.
I went to Mardi Gras once--I was 11.
My mom and her new boyfriend wanted to go, and they needed a designated driver.
Earl, I need a man's opinion.
Is it my right to raise the price of any product in my diner? What product are we talking about? Tampons.
Oh, brother.
Uh, you gotta just relax and butt out.
Trust me.
I been in this situation a long time.
Remember Aunt Flo? That was my aunt.
Han, just because you can take advantage of a business situation, doesn't mean you should.
It is law of supply and demand.
Fine, then I demand you roll back the price on the supply.
Come on han, don't be so 1% about it.
You think occupy Wall Street was a big deal? Wait till you see occupy tampon.
We only protest once a month, but it's an intense five to seven days.
Got it.
Found the milk.
And I found it even faster than the butter.
You know they're not hiding it from you.
It's a grocery store, not a sorority scavenger hunt.
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