- Earl, can you break some 20s? The big spenders at table two wanna split their $11 check three ways, even though one person did all the eating.
- I was in a three-way once.
Same thing happened.
- Max, table ten would like the check.
And don't forget to pick up customer comment card.
Customers very important.
It's all about the fans.
- Yeah, I'm not a fan of hearing what people have to say.
For instance, what's happening right now Not a fan.
- Max, feedback from customers is very important business tool.
Perhaps we'll pump the brakes on sour waitress attitude.
- There's only one tool that can change my 'tude, But I'm gonna need two double-a batteries And a 20-minute break.
- ? Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh ? [cash register bell dings] Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh Ooh - Welcome, everyone.
Thanks for coming to very important First official diner meeting.
- This ain't right, man.
- Earl, here's your brandy.
- Okay, we're good now.
- If I knew we were gonna have staff meetings after work, I would've taken job at T.
G.
I.
Friday instead.
Over there, they roll fast and loose.
- Well, this is how I roll.
- Yeah, short and slow.
- No, I roll fast and furious.
Tokyo drift style.
- Han, I'm starting to drift.
Can we get to the point? Max and I still have to get home and bake cupcakes for tomorrow.
- We received so many excellent comments from customers tonight.
Okay, first comment.
"Dark-haired waitress" - Hey! - "Was very rude.
- Hey! - Max, customers are giving their honest opinions about diner.
We need to take it seriously.
"I'd like to ride the blonde waitress like a tilt-a-whirl.
" - Shout out! - Next comment.
"Why does cashier wear earphones? I thought he was a dj.
" Both: ? Go, Earl, Go, Earl ? - Holla! - Moving on.
"This meatloaf tastes stale and dry.
" Both: ? yeah, Oleg yeah, Oleg ? - It also says that cook could wear deodorant And shirt that covers armpit.
- This is on card? - Yes.
- You are lying.
- Yes.
- Remind me never to be a spy with han.
- So this is how you tell me what you think of me? You hide behind outdated method of feedback? - What, I should've posted twitpic of my face like this? - Maybe I will send you a twitpic of my meatloaf.
- Can you twits pick another time to do this? I've gotta go home.
- I have to go home too And cut the remaining sleeves off of all my shirts.
And then go buy more shirts And cut the sleeves off those shirts.
- You must wear sleeves.
- Do not tell me what to do.
I was working here when you were still a dumpling On your father's chopstick.
- Now this is starting to sound like earl time.
- Did it light? - No.
Try another one.
The gas is on.
Ah! - Why are we throwing fire at an oven? Is this a poor people game? - Yeah, it's called light the broken pilot light Without blowing our faces off! - This is ridiculous.
My heart is pounding.
I didn't know baking cupcakes was an extreme sport.
It's like the deadliest batch.
- See? A slight hint of gas in the air Makes everything funnier.
Now there's too much gas.
If we threw a math in there now, I'd be out a nose or a pair or a pair of eyebrows And I'm not living through that again.
- Again? - When I was a little girl, I was trying to make a hungry man dinner And I lit the pilot light too soon and whoosh! No eyebrows.
Had to draw them on in magic marker.
Only mexican girls would talk to me.
- Max, we have a cupcake business.
We have to tell the landlord we need a new oven.
- We can't ask the landlord for a new oven.
Then he'll ask us stuff like "who are you? "Why is your name not on the lease, And where's the rent?" - Well, I'll buy us one.
- Really? You're gonna buy us a whole oven? We're so poor I have a sock that I refer to as my good sock.
- I've been saving something for an emergency, Like a burst appendix or a first date bikini wax.
- I knew it! You have a secret stash of your father's missing billions.
We're rich! Wait, it's other people's money.
Yeah, but I didn't steal it.
We're rich! - They're my expensive rings.
- So if these are your expensive rings, What's all that other stuff you wear? - Cheaper copies.
You never wear the good stuff out in public.
- Got it, kind of like hiding the banana republic And wearing the gap.
- See how special? They're all one-of-a-kind from themas aristotle themas.
T-a-t.
Tat.
- What? - Tat rings.
You've never heard of tat rings? - Oh! Tat rings.
No.
- I guess it's the kind of thing That only people in the know know, you know? - No.
- Make all the jokes you want, But I only have to sell one of these And I can get us a new oven.
Any ideas what kind we should get? - Uh, yeah, you're not the only one with a secret stash.
It's the bluestar.
It's the tat rings of ovens.
In purple! That's right, I said purple.
It's the muscle car of ovens.
It's bad-ass! It's so bad-ass when I do karaoke I change the lyrics from purple rain to purple range.
- Great, we'll get this one.
- Uh, we can't buy that.
It's too expensive.
This is just something you fantasize about.
It's kitchen porn.
- Fine.
Tomorrow we'll go to the cash for gold store And get a regular oven and get cookin'.
I think the funny gas is gone.
- Must be time.
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