Sandwich, burger.
Why the big smile, Han? You going commando under those corduroys? No, Max, I am happy today because diner clientele has finally changed for the better.
Look, two parties of cool hipsters are sitting at tables near wall.
You think those are six hipsters? Okay, let's go over this one more time.
Hipster or homeless pop quiz, ready? - Ready.
- Hipsters wear? Skinny jeans.
- Homeless wear? - Dirty jeans.
- Hipsters listen to? - Radiohead.
- Homeless listen to? - The voices in their head.
- Hipsters have? - Beard and a blog.
- Homeless have? - Beard and so much sadness.
I see sadness, there and there.
I'll handle this.
I told you before, I don't want you kind in here.
Take a trendy hike.
Better step it up.
The apple store closes at ten.
Max, why did you kick out the hipsters? 'Cause I could not be in the background of another Instagram photo.
Correction by Mlmlte Here's the last check, Earl.
And, Max, they stiffed us on the tip but they forgot their camera.
Oh, I'll give it to Oleg.
He can take one of his special pictures.
That way, when they come back to get it, everyone will have been stiffed.
Well, good night, ladies.
I gotta get home before the snow starts.
It's not gonna snow, Earl, it's 50 degrees.
Oh, it's gonna snow, trust me.
I couldn't tell when my first wife was coming, but I can sure tell when a storm is coming.
All right, so what's the plan? What are we gonna do if it does snow? You're so white, I'm worried we're gonna lose you.
I love the snow.
Opening my balcony doors and watching it fall like fresh white linen and then running across the street to the park to make snow angels.
Yeah, that's snow when you're rich.
The only snow angels you'll see this year are the six crack addicts frozen to our stoop.
Oh, not to mention the adorable frozen horse we have illegally living in the backyard.
Max, don't overreact.
Chestnut's fine.
It's not gonna snow for weeks.
All right, have it your way.
But I wouldn't want to be the next tenants who have to figure out why a pissed off horse is haunting a Brooklyn apartment.
I was cold and she thought she knew weather patterns.
Oleg, take a picture of your junk on this customer's camera.
Done.
Aren't you gonna ask why? No need.
I just saw Oleg's Yeah, that might have been my fault.
Kind of a shock seeing it for the first time.
Max, I don't like you implying that I would ever be cruel to Chestnut.
I'm not implying it.
I'm saying it outright.
It's winter.
And it's not like I've not been thinking about it.
But Chestnut belongs in a special home.
You belong in a special home.
I've done some research, and I found a retreat in the Grand Tetons where newly-divorced women come to hug horses to help them gain back their ability to trust.
The only Grand Tetons Chestnut trusts are mine.
Lady, you gotta get a reality check real quick 'cause Earl thinks it's gonna snow.
Earl also thinks the theme from shaft was stolen from a cassette tape he sent out in 1975.
Shut your mouth.
That happened.
Max, it's not gonna snow.
I know snow.
We owned a ski chalet in Saas-Fee Switzerland and I think I know more than anyone in this restaurant about living in cold climes.
Snow is coming.
Yo, Swiss miss, you wanna have a conversation about cold climes with Snowleg over there? Oh, Max, I almost forgot.
The camera.
I think you'll be very pleased.
I made a little video as well.
Why are you wearing two coats? Same reason I wear two condoms.
In case one breaks.
What the? Well, good morning, world's worst weather girl.
I have never seen so much sunshine.
You know what that means? Earl wrote shaft.
Max, I know it snowed, you don't have to tell me.
I'm surrounded by so much white stuff I'm like Al Pacino in the last scene of Scarface.
What are you wearing? You look like a bag of crazy garbage grew arms.
It's the hefty 2011 winter collection.
I gave Chestnut my coat.
This is the only way to keep the snow off me.
Look at poor Chestnut.
What is he wearing on his hooves? I cut up my Fendi cashmere leggings.
I grabbed them when we raided the town house.
I thought ahead for me, but not for him.
He is humiliated in those ladies clothes.
He looks like j.
Edgar hoover.
I've been out here sweeping since 4:00 A.
M.
But it just keeps coming down.
What is your problem, snow? I used to love you! Maybe we should ask your old doorman "insert generic Irish name here" to come help.
I know their names.
Day James, night James and black James.
So your plan is you're gonna sweep the snow away till spring while the horse is trapped under this tarp? Which I'm pretty sure was covering the out of business Cuban restaurant down the street.
They were out of business and I left a note.
What did it say? "I'm loco, gracias.
" No, it said, "sorry I took your roof, hang in there.
: Max, don't be so negative.
Doesn't matter where it came from, it's working.
I just need to secure this tarp a little.
Stop, you were gonna climb on an icy chair in six inch heels and break your neck and then I'm gonna be stuck with a horse in leggings and you in a wheelchair with a chopstick in your mouth tapping out, "I'm sorry, I thought that would work.
" I learned to build when I volunteered with habitat for humanity.
Looking back, they had so much more than I have now.
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