4. Episode 4 (第1季)【完整台词】

Rockefeller.

Mr.

Rockefeller, it is such a great honor.

I have heard so much about you.

And I you, great man.

Ah CALIPH: It is wonderful that you are here today.

Come.

MILO: Thank you, your greatness.

CALIPH: This war is a terrible nuisance, is it not? MILO: Oh, terrible.

Terrible nuisance.

- YOSSARIAN: It's terrible.

- ORR: Terrible.

Mr.

Rockefeller, your negotiations in the Mesopotamian Oil Agreement of 1938, I was most impressed.

- You're very tough.

- Yes, I am, Your Highness.

But fair.

The Sultan of Assur is a difficult man.

Your powers of persuasion must be formidable.

He was a tricky customer, but we got there eventually.

I think you'll find the Caliph to be not nearly so difficult.

But I am a skilled negotiator.

- I must warn you.

- As am I, Your Grace.

As am I.

CALIPH: Well, then, and what do you think the prospects of exploration in my country might be? Good.

Mm-hmm.

I think they'd be very good.

The Saharan Desert presents its problems.

Oh, Sahara.

God forbid, so hot.

My concern would be not so much the heat as the possibility of igneous layers over the shale deposits.

They're a problem, those igneous layers.

And how would you approach that? [INHALES] Technology.

And what technology? The latest technology.

CALIPH: And what, pray tell, is the latest technology? I don't know, Your Honor.

I'm a businessman.

I'm not an engineer.

[LAUGHS] CALIPH: You're an oil man, aren't you? Surely you know how your oil is extracted.

I don't I don't really Our most recent experiences with the igneous rock were more than adequately handled with the new diaphragm-operated bypass valve drill bit.

The regular drill bits have a baffle in the air-mixing chamber.

But the new ones have a self-sealing CCU strapped onto the electric centrifuge pump.

[RELAXING MUSIC PLAYING] My geologist.

Kid's a genius.

[PLANE ENGINES ROARING] MILO: I'm happy for you.

You flew your missions.

You did your part.

When do you get to go home? I'm not really gonna get to go home until this thing's done and dusted.

I mean, I'm not gonna go home the normal way.

The normal way? MILO: Well, I'm never gonna catch up to my mission quota.

Not at this rate.

You have a mission quota? Yeah, we all do, don't we? - Where's it at now? - 50.

How many have you flown? Six, five.

Five or six.

Wow.

When this is all over, we should go into business together.

- Well, back home? - Yeah, sure.

Back home, everywhere.

- And do what? - Buy things, sell things.

What, sell amphibious vehicles to the fishermen of Minnesota? Sell everything to everyone.

Tu vuo' fa' ll'americano Mericano, mericano Sient'a mme chi t' 'o ffa fa' Tu vuoi vivere alla moda Ma se bevi whisky and soda Po' te siente 'e disturba' Tu vuo' fa' ll'american Tu vuo' fa' ll'american Whisky and soda e rocchenroll Whisky and soda e rocchenroll Whisky and soda e rocchenroll [RENATO CAROSONE'S "TU VUO' FA' L'AMERICANO"] YOSSARIAN: Colonel Korn, sir.

KORN: What can I do for you? YOSSARIAN: I was just checking in, sir, about my, uh my discharge papers.

Ah, yes.

It was, uh It was almost the next thing I was getting to.

- Oh, that's great, sir.

- This was Remind me, you were you were at 50 missions, huh? Correct, sir.

Oh.

Oh, that could be a problem.

Hmm.

Why would that be a problem, sir? Well, the missions were raised last night.

Didn't you hear? No.

Uh, sir, I was in Algeria, sir.

But but this was already these were already put Yeah, but the paperwork hasn't been processed yet, as apparently is the case in this instance.

My apologies.

And technically speaking, you haven't been discharged.

And if you haven't been discharged, then technically speaking, you're still on active duty.

And if you're still on active duty, then technically speaking, you still have to fly the number of missions required of you before you can be discharged.

And as of yesterday, that number is 55, my friend.

But I did everything right.

KORN: It's been such a busy week.

That really is terrible timing.

And, you know what? I sympathize.

I do.

But you know what? Think about it this way, right? Only five more to go.

[LAUGHS] Yeah.

DUCKETT: What is it you're pretending is wrong this time? Hmm? I don't know.

Uh, nothing.

Well, did you manage to secretly fly all those missions? Yeah, actually, I did.

And then they raised them again.

[DUCKETT CHUCKLES] Well, you knew they would.

You expend a lot of energy, don't you? Apparently so.

Seems to me that you expend a lot of energy railing against things that you can't control.

And who says I can't control 'em? This is war.

It's a law of nature that war concentrates power in the hands of those most likely to abuse it.

Can't overcome that power while the war's still on.

You just gotta hope for it to end.

Oh, it's gonna end.

I just still wanna be alive when it does.

Or, maybe rather than simply hoping for it to end, you could just fly your missions.

Do whatever you can to end it yourself.