Hello.
Just tell me what's happened.
And what is it?
I'll be right down.
What's happened?
Er, Susannah.
Susannah?
Princess Susannah.
Is she all right?
Don't know.
'Don't kill me.
'Please don't kill me.
'
'Read the statement.
'Yes.
All right.
'On this screen?
'That is correct.
'Duchess of Beaumont.
'Popularly known as
Princess Susannah.
'I am in a place you er
'cannot find,
held by one you will not trace.
'Prime Minister Michael Callow
'Prime Minister
Michael Callow my life
'.
.
my life depends on you.
'If you do not do precisely
as instructed by
'by 4pm this afternoon,
I will be
'.
.
I will be executed.
'Please.
'
What are you doing? Keep it going.
Prime Minister, at this point,
I think it's important to say
that we are 100% certain
that this is, indeed,
Princess Susannah.
Her car was intercepted shortly
after midnight, returning from
the wedding of a college friend.
She'd insisted on going.
But you had security on her?
Two PPOs, still unconscious.
Heavy sedative, close range,
each with a single puncture wound.
No sign of struggle.
What do they want? Money?
Release the Jihadi?
Scrap Third World debt?
Save the fucking libraries?
We are convinced both the video and
the demand it contains are genuine.
What demand?
What Susannah says next
It concerns you directly, sir.
Just play it.
'There is only one demand,
and it is a simple one.
'At 4pm this afternoon,
'Prime Minister Michael Callow must
appear on live British television
'on all networks,
terrestrial and satellite,
'and No!
'On all British networks,
terrestrial and satellite,
'and have full unsimulated
sexual intercourse with a pig.
'I don't understand!'
The video ends with a series
of technical specifications
for the broadcast.
Why are you doing this?
"Mike!"
It's real.
She said pig.
Sex with a pig.
They want me to have sex with a pig?
Live on television
this afternoon.
But what? Who?
We're checking with
embedded operatives,
compiling a list of suspects.
Meanwhile, the demand has been made.
There's not long
to formulate our response.
Well, I'm not fucking a pig!
Page one, that's not happening.
Of course.
Absolutely, sir.
Well, have we established a dialogue
with this?
We can't.
There's no
e-mail address, no code word.
No channel for negotiation.
So we focus on finding Susannah.
We get her back.
However it's done, I don't care.
We stop this now.
Everyone's working towards this.
Yes.
No.
Not everyone.
A dedicated
core team.
This can't go wide.
Keep it so far from the press
it's on the other side of Jupiter.
This only exists in this room.
It's already outside it.
If there are hacks sniffing around,
Super fucking Godzilla injunction
with ten-inch Whitehall fangs!
This video came from YouTube.
What?
It was uploaded via an encrypted IP
an hour ago.
Well, get it off there!
We did after nine minutes,
long enough for it
to be duplicated and spread.
Spread?
How many people have seen this?
We take down one,
six clones pop up elsewhere.
How many people?
50,000.
That's our current estimate.
The news rooms have got it.
They're running this on air?
No.
We put a type five D notice out
and they're complying.
For now.
It's trending on Twitter.
For Fucking internet!
What now? What's the play book?
This is virgin territory,
Prime Minister.
There's no play book.
Princess Susannah's been kidnapped!
You scared the shit out of me!
Go to work!
'.
.
and have full unsimulated
sexual intercourse with a pig.
'
No way.
It's a piss take, man.
Look at it!
'I don't understand!'
'.
.
Carlton Bloom's
controversial exhibition
'closes three weeks
ahead of schedule'
How do we describe it?
"An indecent act"?
Everyone's seen the video.
They know the details.
If we mention bestiality
Ofcom would be pissed off.
Fuck Ofcom!
We're observing the D Notice.
Surely we're going to do something.
The voluntary D Notice!
It may be a sportsman-like gesture
but we are making it.
A woman's life is at stake!
My timeline consists of viewers
asking why we're not covering it.
How do I reply?
You don't.
Not the Beeb, not Sky.
That is totally backwards.
Facebook's coverage
is pretty comprehensive!
It's like 9/11's happening and
We're not a chat room!
It's on CNN and Fox.
And MSNBC, Al Jazeera, NHK
God! This planet!
OK, Sarah, cover the snatch itself.
Simon, set tone with Standards.
We need to explain this without
viewers sicking up their Weetabix.
Ken, the internet, new paradigm,
Twitter, Arab spring, all that.
Dan, all graphics run past me.
Functional - no Peppa Pigs.
Malaika,
update the princess obit VT.
First, an awkward phone call.
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