19. A Political Campaign and a Candy Land Cheater (第2季)【完整台词】

When I look down on my congregation and I feel nervous, I just ask the Lord to speak through me.

Like a ventriloquist? Not exactly.

I think of it more as a Like one of the Muppets? No, not that either.

'Cause you do look a little like Kermit.

Uh, okay, good luck to you, Sheldon.

Hello.

Dr.

Sturgis.

Can you give me any advice on how to overcome a fear of public speaking? Ah, you know, when I was a young man I had a terrible fear of speaking to an audience.

What did you do? Actually, it kinda took care of itself.

One day I was, uh, playing miniature golf with some colleagues and I got struck by lightning.

Oh, dear.

No, it was fine.

When I came to, I found myself with the gift of gab.

Big crowds, small crowds, you couldn't shut me up.

I don't see how that can benefit me.

Not unless you'd like me to take you miniature golfing next time there are clouds on the horizon.

- Everything okay? - No.

I have to give a speech in front of the entire assembly.

Oh.

Got a little stage fright? Unfortunately so.

Just thinking about it causes my bladder to misbehave.

Yeah, I been there.

You have? Sure.

When I first started coaching, I was real nervous to talk to the team, you know, give a locker room speech.

Then, one day it dawned on me, I'm not just talking to football players, I'm talking to teenage football players.

Most of them aren't listening to a word I'm saying.

That's an interesting perspective.

I'll tell you something else.

You don't give yourself enough credit for how brave you are.

- I don't? - No.

Sheldon, you are ten years old, going to high school.

Everyone's older than you, everyone's bigger than you, but you keep at it, day after day.

That's brave.

Any kid who can do that could give a speech to the United Nations if he had to.

Thanks, Dad.

I heard what you said in there.

- That was very beautiful.

- Thanks.

I gave a similar speech to my team last week.

Boy, did we get our asses kicked.

Emboldened by my father's pep talk, I began working on my speech.

I aspired to walk in the footsteps of history's greatest orators: Socrates, Winston Churchill, and, last but not least, Professor Proton.

Hey, I spoke to Nell's sister.

Found out some interesting stuff.

Thanks, but I've decided I don't want to stoop to her level.

If I can't win on the quality of my ideas, then I'd rather lose with my head held high.

That's really stupid, but in case you change your mind All right, y'all have heard from your secretary candidates, your treasurer candidates, your vice presidents It's time for the big finale, the closing event, the headliners Nell Cavanaugh and Sheldon Cooper.

One of these two will be president of your class, so listen to what they've got to say and choose wisely, which will be a whole new experience for most of you.

Remember, heckling will get you detention.

Bite me! Bryan Larkin, two days! You want to try for a week? I didn't think so.

Nell, floor is yours.

Nell! Thank you, Ms.

MacElroy, Principal Petersen, our hard-working teachers, and my fellow students.

I'm blessed to call so many of you friends.

Y'all probably know everything about me already.

Lord knows I love to talk.

So instead of going on about myself, I'd like to talk to you about my opponent.

Sheldon Cooper has been lobbying for new science equipment here at Medford High, and while that sounds wonderful, the truth is, he thinks our school wastes its money on football.

Do we really want a class president who doesn't care about football? No! I know I am proud to be a Medford High cheerleader, and I love football! But you know the one thing I love more than football? God.

Let me tell you another interesting fact about my opponent.

Did you know that Sheldon Cooper is an atheist? That's right.

He doesn't believe in God.

Just keep that in mind when you cast your vote today.

I'm Nell Cavanaugh.

Go Wolves! And now, please welcome Sheldon Cooper.

No one would fault you if you ran out the back door.

Nell Cavanaugh is a Yankee.

She may love football and she may love God, but she was born in Scarsdale.

That's in New York.

There's more.

My opponent didn't move to Texas until she was seven years old.

In fact, in her bedroom there's a pennant for the New York Yankees.

While I may not be a fan of organized religion or sports, I promise, if you vote for me, I'll do my best to get new science equipment for our school.

Uh Don't mess with Texas! Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon! Before I became Dr.

Sheldon Cooper, I was President Sheldon Cooper.

And I don't mind telling you, they both look pretty darn good on business cards.

One of my first responsibilities as class president was delivering the morning announcements.

Please rise for the Pledge of Allegiance.

I pledge allegiance to the Flag Of the United States of America And to the Republic for which it stands One Nation Here's a fun fact about the next two words: "Under God" wasn't added to the Pledge of Allegiance until 1954.

My first act as your president is to remove the words "under God" from the Pledge in order to honor the separation of church and state in this public high school.

Okay, that's enough.

You can't take my microphone.

- I'm the president.

- Thank you.

All right, let's try this again.

I pledge allegiance to the Flag Of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands One Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.