10. A Stunted Childhood and a Can of Fancy Mixed Nuts (第2季)【完整台词】

Well, when do you start? As soon as you teach me.

Me? Do you really think that's a good idea? It's perfect.

I teach you about science so you can impress your grandson, and you teach me to drive so I can impress you.

Okay, but if we do this, I'm in charge.

You have to do what I say when and how I tell you to do it.

Hubba-hubba, it's like we're back in the bedroom.

[BOTH LAUGHING] Did you know that tea was discovered by accident? I didn't, but I don't know lots of stuff.

The Emperor Shennong of China was boiling water in his garden and a leaf from a tea tree fell into his pot.

Tea comes from trees? Where'd you think it comes from? The supermarket.

[CHUCKLES] What, the girls leave you out of their little picnic? Oh, they invited him.

Well, then why ain't you out there? Eat outdoors? Do I look like a hippie to you? I thought Paige was your friend.

She's more of a colleague.

Oh.

Although for reasons unknown, she's currently behaving like a ten-year-old.

Maybe that's because she is a ten-year-old.

Still no excuse.

All right, I'm just gonna come out and ask it: what the heck is a colleague? Okay, pick a number.

Three.

PAIGE: One, two, three.

Now pick a color.

Pink, duh.

The name of your future pony is Sparkle Sunshine.

I would totally name it that! Sheldon, do you want to have your fortune read? Absolutely not.

And I cannot believe a person as smart as you is doing it.

Why? It's fun.

He doesn't know how to have fun; he's an old man.

I'm not an old man.

Oh, yeah? What's your favorite color? Khaki.

- Old man.

- [CHUCKLES] [PAIGE AND MISSY GIGGLE] I'm trying to sleep.

Come inside and play with us.

Don't invite him.

This is a girls fort, not an old man fort.

I'm not an old man.

Then come inside.

Are you crazy? It's bedtime.

Old man.

[PAIGE AND MISSY LAUGHING] [SNORING SOFTLY] [WHISPERING]: What are you doing? [WHISPERING]: We're tying Georgie's ankles together.

[WHISPERING]: So when he gets out of bed he falls down.

But he could get hurt.

If we're lucky.

Well, I will not be a party to this.

Old man.

[GIGGLES] That's when the bloodthirsty Goatman Part goat, part man - Crept up on the sleeping children - No.

and sank his sharp little teeth into their necks No.

and drank their blood! No.

Problem? Several.

First of all, goats are herbivores.

They don't eat meat, let alone drink blood.

Maybe the half man part drinks blood.

Don't even get me started on the "half man" stuff.

Sheldon, it's just a fun scary story.

It's nonsense is what it is.

Old man.

I'm not an old man, I'm ten.

More like 110.

You know, I read that adults who had a stunted childhood often become social misfits and weirdos.

You didn't read that, you're making it up like your goat story.

Psychology Magazine, February issue, 1988.

Well, um That doesn't make it true.

Guess you'll find out when you're an adult.

I guess I will.

ADULT SHELDON: Well, we know how this story ends.

I grew up to become a well-adjusted and charming fellow.

But at that moment in time, she had me worried.

MISSY: Hey, Georgie, breakfast.

Mom made Eggos.

GEORGE JR.

: Eggos, sweet.

- [BODY THUDS] - Ow! Dang it! [PAIGE AND MISSY LAUGHING] Oh, dear.

What? Paige was right.

"There's ample evidence to indicate that a stunted childhood can cause one to be maladjusted as an adult.

" Then I'm screwed.

What do you mean? When I'm not in school, I'm doing homework.

When I'm not doing homework, I'm practicing my cello.

And when I'm not doing that, I'm working in my parents' store.

That must be why we're friends.

We're both stunted.

Sounds right.

Well, I for one plan to do something about it.

Like what? I'm going to goof off, engage in horseplay, and if time permits, be quite immature.

If time permits? I have homework, too.

Would you like to join me in my shenanigans? No, thanks.

Aren't you concerned about being a maladjusted adult? Nah.

I'll just marry an American woman and hope she can fix me.

I'm usually the one giving the tests, but, uh, today I'm taking one.

No talking.

And I usually say that to my students.

[MOUTHING] What? [QUIETLY]: How's it going? I can't tell you.

There's no talking.

- No talking.

- Sorry.

Mind if I join you? Doing what? - Swinging.

- Seriously? Yes.

It's my hope to feel the wind in my hair - and be carefree.

- Um, okay.

["ALSO SPRACH ZARATHUSTRA" BY RICHARD STRAUSS PLAYING] Sheldon threw up on me.

Sheldon threw up on me! Okay, rearview mirrors.

Um, all set.

Turn signal left.