1
ADULT SHELDON: The
average American consumes
55 pounds of beef per year.
And then there's Texas,
where we can knock that
off in a couple of months.
Maybe faster, if we're talking
about smoked brisket
curiously, the one cut of beef
that Texans and Jews agree upon.
[MOUTH FULL]: This is
really good, Meemaw.
Really good?
You're spitting the
best brisket in Texas
all over the damn table.
Close your mouth when you eat.
Or aim your face the other way.
Connie, one of these days,
you got to give me the recipe.
You bet.
For sure.
- One of these days.
- Oh, come on.
You can't hold on to it forever.
Mean that much to you?
Mary and I were dating about a month
when she brought me home for dinner.
I took one bite of this brisket,
and I knew I loved your daughter.
Gee, thanks.
Kind of like Sleeping Beauty,
except Dad kissed meat.
[CHUCKLES]
I tell you what.
You go get a
piece of paper and a pencil,
I'll write it down for you.
Okay.
It's happening
That's the fastest I've seen him run.
It's the only time I've seen him run.
There you go.
Okay.
I might make it this weekend.
Or you could try a vegetable.
Vegetable? That's funny.
Okay.
Now, this is for your eyes only.
You're not to share it with anybody.
I never I would never.
You're a horrible person.
- [CHUCKLES]
- What'd it say?
I want to know what it said.
- Me, too.
- Just eat.
Can I read it?
You are a horrible person.
Ain't I? [LAUGHS]
All right, that's
enough about the brisket.
You kids excited for the
church picnic tomorrow?
- Not really.
- I don't know.
Oh, come on.
You all saw the flier.
The three "F"s:
food, fun and fellowship.
MEEMAW: And I'm bringing
a big slab of my brisket.
That's it.
15 years in this family, and
all the time I've been nothing
but a good, supportive son-in-law.
I always treated your daughter right,
I gave you three
beautiful grandchildren.
Only thing I ever asked in
return was that damn recipe.
You're right.
Get another piece of
paper.
I'll write it down.
Don't mess with me, Connie.
Get the paper before I change my mind.
You're gonna do it to
him again, aren't you?
I kind of have to.
Nobody else is stronger than I am
Yesterday I moved a mountain
I bet I could be your hero
I am a mighty little man
[TOILET FLUSHES]
MARY: George, she was
just fooling with you.
GEORGE: No, no, she's mean.
She got a black heart.
MARY: She does not.
GEORGE: Why do you always side with her?
MARY: Well, she is my mother.
GEORGE: And there it is.
There's the problem.
You should be siding with me.
- MARY: Over brisket?
- GEORGE: It's not just brisket.
It's the way she's been
treating me since day one.
Like I'm some kind of
loser, a booby prize.
- "Booby prize.
"
- MARY: What was that?
Georgie, you mind your own business.
What did I do?
What's going on?
Mom and Dad are fighting.
What about?
Brisket.
If they get a divorce, who do you think
you'll pick to live with?
Well, Mom, of course.
I want Mom.
Pick again.
[SIGHS]
I thought Dad was coming.
No, he had work to do.
- What kind of work?
- I don't know.
Coaching stuff.
Can't he do it after the picnic?
- No, Missy, he cannot.
- Why not?
Enough.
How come Georgie's not going?
He's grounded for eavesdropping
on me and your father.
Well, I hope he learned his lesson.
Is this about the recipe?
I bet he's mad 'cause you
always side with Meemaw.
And how would you know that?
Georgie told me.
Are you and Dad getting a divorce?
'Course not.
Well, if you do, I
want to live with you.
Sheldon, no one's getting a divorce.
But thank you, honey.
You know this all goes away
if you just give him your
recipe for the brisket.
I know.
And?
I guess it's not going away.
[FOOTBALL ANNOUNCER SPEAKING OVER TV]
And I wasn't eavesdropping.
Don't worry about it.
I just don't see why I got grounded.
What are you complaining about?
You didn't want to go
to church picnic anyway.
I like complaining.
I'm good at it.
I'll be right back.
Mind if I have a sip of your beer?
You mind if I dip your
head in the compost heap?
You could have just said no.
- What are you doing?
- [GASPS]
Nothing! Get out of here.
You're looking for her brisket recipe.
All of a sudden you got smart?
I said get out of here.
I won't tell, I swear.
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