- We can take care of this.
- No, we can't!
Sheldon, if we can't
handle a little splinter,
they're never gonna
leave us alone again.
You're right.
So, what do we do?
Let me see it.
Oh, boy.
That's a deep one.
Hey, it's throbbing really bad.
Mom would take it out with tweezers.
Well, where would we find tweezers?
Let's see what we got.
Band-Aids
cotton balls.
What's "gowz"?
It's gauze, and the fact
that you don't know that
is not filling me with hope.
Where would Mom keep the tweezers?
- Sometimes she uses a needle on splinters.
- No.
No needles.
Anything but needles.
Wait, she has tweezers
in her makeup bag.
She plucks her eyebrows with them.
And sometimes her mustache.
Anything?
Nope.
Wait.
Maybe they're in her room.
We're not allowed to go
in Mom and Dad's room.
Want me to get the needle?
[WHISPERING]: Let's make this quick.
Why are you whispering?
That's how people speak
when they're being naughty.
I wouldn't know.
I'm naughty all the time.
You're really not coming in?
No.
But you're doing great.
[SIGHS]
What's wrong?
This really is naughty.
I told you.
I don't see anything.
There's just a Bible and a flashlight.
- [PHONE RINGING]
- [SCREAMS]
[SCREAMS]
What do I do?
Answer it but sound calm.
Hello.
Hey, it's Dad.
How you guys doing?
We're great.
Glad to hear it.
I'm watching TV,
and Sheldon's reading quietly.
[SIGHS]
I knew you could handle this.
- I'm proud of you.
- You know what?
I'm proud of us, too.
Uh [CHUCKLING]: Okay, baby doll,
I'll be home in a couple hours.
Stay out all night.
We got this.
Wha Love you, too.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
That was intense.
I don't think I'm cut out
for this latchkey life.
- [PHONE RINGING]
- [BOTH SCREAM]
You answer it this time.
I can't, I'm supposed
to be reading quietly.
Answer it, Sheldon.
Well, I'm not going in there.
Hello.
Cooper residence.
Sheldon speaking.
Hey, Shelly.
Oh, hello, Mom.
How's your day going?
Shelly? Shelly? You there?
Yes, I'm here.
She wants to know how my day's going.
Say it's going good.
I can't say that.
Why not?
It's bad grammar.
How are you supposed to say it?
"It's going well.
"
Oh, that's nice.
I've got to get back to work,
but I love you and miss you very much.
Okay.
I handled that really well.
[DIAL TONE]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
Got a minute?
Sure, come on in.
I just wanted to apologize.
I-It was wrong of me to unload
my personal business on you.
Here it is, your first day and all.
Oh, that's fine.
Always happy to lend an ear.
Great, 'cause I didn't
tell you everything.
Really? 'Cause you told me a lot.
This morning, while
Selena was in the shower,
I went through her purse
and I took the credit card.
- Oh, my.
- Now,
do you think that's stealing,
or is it doing the right thing?
You know, saving us from
bankruptcy and whatnot?
Wow.
Um, yeah, that's complicated.
Um going through her
purse Probably wrong,
but on the other hand
well, there is no other hand.
You can't be doing things like that
and have a healthy marriage.
Why don't you just talk to her?
Explain your financial situation?
That
Oh, we're closing the door now, okay.
That's not so easy.
Because of the language barrier?
That, and I implied,
when we were dating,
that I was well-to-do.
Oh, Pastor Jeff, why would you do that?
You saw her.
Uh, she is the kind of woman
that can make a man do bad things.
Well, I I don't know
what to say to that.
[EXHALES] Maybe you ought to pray on it.
You're right.
- You're absolutely right.
- [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
I'll do that now.
I'll do the same.
Thank you.
[DOOR OPENS]
God, please give me the strength
to not spread this juicy
gossip about Pastor Jeff.
[QUIETLY]: Amen.
[SIGHS]
What are you doing?
I'm reading quietly, so I don't
have to lie about it later.
[GASPS]
Found 'em.
The tweezers?
Mom's needles and her magnifying glass.
Absolutely not.
Let me at least try.
No.
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