One hour, no talking, no horseplay.
Sheldon?
Hello, Mr.
Givens.
Why are you here?
I didn't want to catch
a cold from Ms.
MacElroy,
so I left her classroom
without a hall pass.
Well, something is going around.
I actually had a little
tickle in my throat.
Okay, time to go.
Nice meeting you.
Whoa, what-what are you doing?
You've heard of fight or flight?
This is flight.
Not so funny now, is it?
No.
How long is he suspended for?
A week.
And it goes on his permanent record.
Well, that's no big deal.
I had all kinds of stuff on my
permanent high school record.
Didn't stop me from being
a bartender for eight years.
I think the real issue we need
to deal with is his germ phobia.
Oh, yes, you don't
want him turning into Howard Hughes.
Growing his nails out.
Peeing in a jar.
Why would he pee into a jar?
I don't know why he peed in a jar,
I just know he did.
[SIGHS] I hate to say it,
but I think we need help with this.
Like what?
Maybe we could
take him to that nice
doctor who calmed him down
when he was convinced he
had an enlarged prostate?
Sheldon only calmed down
when the doctor told him
what happens in a prostate exam.
Poor thing.
Still talks about it.
Thank you for seeing us, Doctor.
No problem.
So, what do you got today, Sheldon?
Rickets? Rabies?
Early-onset menopause?
Is he making a joke?
I believe so.
Humorous.
Hmm.
Sheldon's not sick,
but he has become overly
concerned with getting a cold
or the flu.
Well, any symptoms
Runny nose, achy,
sore throat, fever?
No.
All right, well, Sheldon,
if you do catch a cold,
or even the flu, it's
it's not the end of the world.
The flu was the end of the world
for half a million Americans
during the influenza epidemic of 1918.
- Really?
- In India
17 million people died.
Okay, I think we're getting
off the subject.
Doctor,
Sheldon is afraid to go to school
because he might get exposed
to some kind of bacteria or virus.
So he's got a phobia?
It's not a phobia if the threat is real.
You're a doctor, you should know that.
Sheldon, you have
nothing to worry about.
Even if you did get the flu,
it's usually over in a week.
Why are we getting medical
advice from a man who smokes?
- Sheldon.
- O-Okay,
I have patients who are actually sick.
Maybe we should wrap this up.
How come you don't
get sick all the time?
Well, I take precautions.
I wash my hands, I
wear gloves and a mask.
So, Mom, how was your day?
We're ignoring this?
Okay.
So pretty.
What's going on?
I'm not feeling so good.
[COUGHS LOUDLY]
Biohazard! Biohazard!
Sucker.
WOMAN [ON TV]: In national news,
an unusually early flu season
is buffeting the country.
Doctors say the strain,
originating in China,
is particularly severe.
Children and the
elderly are most at risk.
Sheldon, why are you still up?
We're all gonna die!
About the local cattle
This isn't funny!
I know, baby, I know.
But you need to
understand that sometimes
the news says those things
just to scare people.
Well, it's working!
Come here.
I know you don't believe in this,
but I'm gonna do it anyway.
[SIGHS]
Lord, I pray for my son Sheldon
that you protect him from
all illness and disease,
and keep him healthy and keep him safe,
and protect him from
his head to his toes,
inside and out.
Amen.
You're right.
I don't believe in that.
But it did feel good.
Thanks.
In the Bible, that's called
a hedge of protection.
Why do you keep smiling?
You need to look at your mask, baby.
SHELDON: Missy?!
We have to go to school,
and Sheldon doesn't?
- That's not fair.
- Sure it is.
Sheldon loves school and can't go.
You hate school and have to.
Fair.
GEORGE SR.
: He still has
to spend his day doing chores.
Can't sit around
playing with his trains.
Yeah, put him to work.
Good parenting, Dad.
Oh, I'm glad you approve.
I do.
Where you going?
I'm gonna give Sheldon a list of chores.
You're actually taking my advice?
Yes.
Well, how about that?
Hey, you were due.
[DOOR CLOSES]
Proud of you, George.
Sheldon?
Yes.
The door's locked.
Can you open it?
No.
What on earth?
Hello.
What are you doing?
I made a real germ-proof
hedge of protection.
Oh, honey, you can't stay in there.
I've got a refrigerator,
I've got my sleeping bag,
and anything else I need
I can make out of Legos.
What's with the Halloween costume?
In case of a breach.
Stay right there.
That's my plan.
George?
Just when you think he's gonna zig,
you get a big old zag.
It's ridiculous.
I'm
I'm gonna take it down.
No, you can't force him out of a phobia.
What do we do?
He can't live in there.
Well, actually, he can.
He's got the refrigerator
and a sleeping bag.
And he can always go potty in the sink.
I think I'll take the kids to school.
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