1
(train chugging)
(train whistle blows)
ADULT SHELDON: I've always loved trains.
In fact, if my career
in theoretical physics hadn't
worked out, my backup plan
was to become a
professional ticket taker.
Or hobo.
(train whistle blows)
And when I figured out
that trains allowed me
to prove Newton's first law
An object in motion stays in motion
with the same speed and
in the same direction
unless acted upon by
an unbalanced force
I felt like Neil Armstrong on the moon,
alone and happy.
MARY: Shelly, dinner's ready!
Be-bop-a-lula, baby, what I say
(giggles) I don't care
how dimwitted you are.
Scientific principles
have to make you smile.
Of course, nobody I knew in East Texas
in 1989 cared about Newtonian physics.
The only Newtons they cared about
were Wayne and Fig.
MISSY: Sheldon, if you don't get in here,
- I'm gonna lick your toothbrush!
- Coming!
That's my sister.
And she's done it before.
Do the walk of life
Yeah, he do the walk of life.
The hell were you doing
- out there?
- George,
language.
What language? So?
I was exploring dimensional kinematics.
Admit it He's adopted.
SHELDON: How can I be adopted
when I have a twin sister?
Think, monkey, think.
MARY: That's enough.
No one's adopted.
I wish I was.
That can still be arranged.
Now, let's pray.
A moment, please.
(sighs)
- Leave him be.
- He can hold hands
with his family.
It won't kill him.
We don't know that.
Georgie, did you wash
your hands before dinner?
Or even this week?
None of your business.
Hence the mittens.
MARY: Thank you, God, for this food
we're about to receive and for
the nourishment of our bodies,
and bless the hands that prepared it.
ALL: Amen.
How come we ain't got no tater tots?
I made tater tots last night.
GEORGE: I'd take tater tots
over mashed potaters any day.
- Just eat what I made you.
- Can we at least
have tater tots tomorrow?
ADULT SHELDON: It was
family dinners like this
that led me to adopt
a mid-Atlantic accent.
Nobel Prize winners
(Southern accent): ought not
be orderin' tater tots.
Everybody excited to
start school Monday?
I am.
I guess so.
MARY: Georgie?
Freshman year, that's a big deal.
How can I be excited when he's gonna be
in the same grade as me?
SHELDON: Don't worry,
Georgie, I'm not planning
on being in the ninth
grade for very long.
All I know is he's not in
the same grade as me anymore,
and I'm thrilled.
Good luck with your finger painting.
You're gonna get your
ass kicked in high school.
MARY: Hey, language.
I'm not going to be assaulted.
High school is a haven
for higher learning.
Oh, dear God.
Speaking of God, who's going to church
- with me tomorrow?
- GEORGE SR.
: I can't.
I'm meeting with the other coaches.
You can't meet after church?
No, Mary, I can't meet after church.
Georgie?
I got to study my playbook.
I'll go with you, Mom.
MISSY: Why are you going?
- You don't believe in God.
- No,
but I believe in Mom.
I'll take it.
Missy?
Can't, Heather asked me to
- You're goin'.
- Son of a bitch.
- Hey.
- Ow!
(laughs)
MARY: Missy (gasps) Don't you
throw something at the
dinner table.
George Jr.
ADULT SHELDON: Jane Goodall had
to go to Africa to study apes.
MISSY: Hey!
I just had to go to dinner.
Never at the dinner table!
You knock that off, George!
D-Do not retaliate!
ALL: Onward, Christian soldiers
Marching as to war
With the cross of Jesus
Going on before.
In Matthew nine, verse four, Jesus said,
"Why would you entertain
evil thoughts in your hearts?"
- (quietly): Do you have evil thoughts?
- Shh.
I just don't think
this part applies to me.
That's fine.
Be quiet and listen.
I'm only nine years old.
Most evil doesn't start till puberty.
(clears throat)
Hello.
Philippians 4:8,
"Finally, brothers, whatever is"
Do you have evil thoughts?
I'm having one right now.
Really? What is it?
When we get home, I'm gonna
kick your little balls.
You can't.
They haven't descended yet.
- Mom?
- What?
When should I be expecting my testicles?
"whatever is admirable"
What is wrong with him?
Nothin' is wrong with him.
Now, turn around before
I knock your lights out.
PASTOR: think continually
on these things.
A good thought leads
to a good thing.
You feel it in your body.
You feel it in your
ADULT SHELDON: My mom
was my Christian soldier.
Leads to evil things
and sits there and
And for the record, they
descended when I was 15.
(whirring)
Shelly, it's your last day of
summer.
Go out and enjoy it.
But I have to learn
the student handbook.
Ooh, did you know extreme hairstyles,
goatees and mustaches are not allowed?
I didn't.
I personally
find that very reassuring.
Look what a beautiful day it is.
(loud whirring)
(tires screeching)
(deep barking)
Go play.
"Go play" if only
life were that simple.
There, I played.
Hey, Sheldon!
Hello, Billy Sparks.
- Hello, Matilda Sparks.
- I heard
- you're going to high school tomorrow.
- I am.
You're going to have
to find someone else
to torment on the playground.
"Torment"?
(sighs) It means to maliciously harass.
"Her ass"? (chuckles)
That's funny.
Well, this was nice.
Hey, doofus!
(squawks)
Mom!
- Good girl.
- Mom!
MARY: What am I supposed
to do? His feet are growing.
GEORGE SR.
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