Tom James.
Kent says he'll take it on
tomorrow night's ballot.
I think this is it for me, too.
Oh, no.
You're gonna be fine.
You're gonna be good as new,
and then we'll figure out my next move.
I've had a dozen heart attacks, and
if I play my cards right,
I'll have a dozen more,
but I think this is my last rodeo.
No, Ben! You're my hatchet man.
You're the hatchet man.
I need you.
How can I do this without you?
Don't be an idiot, Selina.
You know exactly what to do.
No.
Yeah.
Yeah.
OK.
Hey, do me a favor.
What?
Don't tell my wife and kids, OK?
I mean, I could really use the break.
That's not a problem.
I've never met 'em.
Ma'am.
OK.
Tom's making a move on New York,
so you get ahold of Governor
Schnozzlestein right now,
you tell him I want to see him tonight.
I'm not gonna let them
take this from me.
- Hmm.
- OK? Go.
OK.
Can't say I blame you.
I mean, that Nutmeg State indefinable
really turns my hydrant on.
The only difference is
that I was the most exciting
conquest of his life,
and you just had the motel room
closest to the ice machine.
I don't know what you're talking about,
because I am the Senator's
chief of staff
Yeah, yeah, yeah, for now,
but trust me, he will never see you
as anything other than the TGI
Friday's hostess on Proactiv
who lets him bend you over his desk
while you close your eyes to
avoid coming face-to-face
with that framed photo of
his family's trip to Aspen
while he drowns your
Little Mermaid back tat
in a pool of jizz
and admires his own reflection.
- Jesus.
- Wow!
I just hate to see smart women
throw away their political
careers on powerful men
who only see them as the
gash of least resistance.
Mmm.
I mean, you strike me as a smart woman.
Are you?
Yeah, well
New York is in the bag.
Congressman,
- how do you take your coffee?
- Decaf.
- Mnh-mnh.
- No? Oh.
Yup.
Here we go.
So Congressman, tell me something.
What can we offer up to
the Montana delegation
that would really dick-slap 'em?
And I mean that in a
good way, of course.
Get your fucking hands off me!
Where is she?!
You fucking monster!
Excuse me for half a sec.
You soulless, conniving cunt!
I don't know what you're talking about.
Oh! Unless it's this
- right here?
- The moment I began working for Senator James,
his behavior was unprofessional
in a sexual manner.
- Is that the problem?
- Oh, fuck!
Senator James took advantage
of his power over me.
- He did what?!
- I had to endure sex acts
- that included
- Yeah, it's so great.
- What did you offer her?
- I didn't offer her anything.
I mean, I helped her with the wording.
- Oh, this
- Shh! Shh! Look.
This is my favorite part
right here, actually.
I was just this naive,
innocent young woman who had dreams
"Innocent young woman.
"
That's hilarious, don't you think?
But that girl doesn't exist anymore.
She's dead!
- Murdered by Tom James.
- Oh, yeah.
That is actually all me.
I
will take credit for that.
She didn't want to do it, but
I was like, "You've got to!"
My wife, my pregnant wife,
is not answering the phone.
I am now a national fuckin' pariah!
Why would you do this, Selina?
I guess that the Tom James charm
only goes so far with the ladies.
I mean, that's one theory, but
Oh, listen, while I've got you.
Is it OK if I don't wave
to you from the stage?
Because with all of this, I
need to keep my distance.
You understand that, right? Excuse me.
I'm so sorry for that
little minor interruption.
What the fuck are you?
Bye, Tom.
Toodle-oo.
So emotional, right?
This is why we need a woman in office.
So? What else do we need to talk about?
Federal lands.
They need to be protected.
- We need more drilling.
- For drilling purposes.
Let's frack the crap out of it.
Governor Calhoun,
what do I have to do
to get your support?
President Meyer, I'm a simple man.
- I see that.
Oh, uh-huh.
- Of faith.
But after this bathroom incident
That was just an accident.
Really.
Free to pee, you and me, right?
Madam President,
homosexuality is no laughing matter.
- OK.
- Pernicious.
Homosexuals are luring
decent, God-fearing heterosexual men
into sin and sweaty degradation.
Mmm.
You know, Buddy, I gotta
tell you something.
It It happens, and
- you can't beat yourself up about it.
- What?
- Never mind.
I hear what you're saying.
- Let's move forward.
Yes.
Governor, I am
prepared to offer you
Secretary of Education.
Well, ma'am
How 'bout that?
As excited as I would be
to remove dinosaur theory
from the curriculum,
I am just a little bit uneasy about
all this Meyer Fund scuttlebutt
I'll kill gay marriage.
In exchange for your support,
I will raw-dog a plank
right up our party's platform,
and I will outlaw same-sex marriage.
Governor, can I get an amen?
You can get an amen, and
I'll throw in a hallelujah,
- I love it.
- And my endorsement.
- Thank you, sir.
Wonderful!
- Wow.
Wow.
Yeah!
- I think we're buddies now, aren't we?
- Oh, yeah, very much.
Can you be a buddy with
someone of the opposite sex?
Well, under certain
circumstances.
Yeah, we are.
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