- Yeah.
- Really?
Fine.
I'll stay here.
Good.
Now you must
formally request asylum.
Yeah, I'm just gonna go.
They can shoot me as
I make a run for it.
Fine.
On behalf of the Finnish
Ambassador to Norway
I grant you asylum.
- Uh
- She prefers the word "spa.
"
DAN: Welcome to your new office,
Lieutenant Governor Splett.
Here we go.
Wait.
What? No.
This is where you stick
an unfuckable intern.
Oh, no, no, no.
When I was a summer intern for
Lieutenant Governor Plasko
back in seventh grade, I was
in a much bigger office.
We gotta get the morbidly
obese fuck out of Iowa.
Last night I tried to find one
non-chain restaurant to eat at,
and Yelp basically told me
to go Fuddrucker myself.
Sounds like a settings issue.
Listen, we gotta get
you national, Richard,
so that's why I've already
booked you on "McLintalk.
"
And I canceled it.
RICHARD: Governor Ballentine!
You think you're hot shit, Splett?
First human mayor of Lurlene,
straight to lieutenant
governor in just a few months.
- Thank you.
- Well, now you're an ice cold dog turd,
because you're not gettin' my job.
Governor, we have the utmost respect
Save it, Manhattan Date Rape Mystery.
Splett, I'm gonna bury you so
deep in bullshit make-work
people are gonna forget Iowa
even has a lieutenant governor.
That shouldn't be too hard.
("McLintalk" theme music plays)
This is Michael McLintock
and it's time to McLintalk
with Michael Mclintock
on CBS International
Yes, I'm still holding
for Secretary Doyle.
- Mike looks good.
- Mm.
So much better.
What's he doing? How long does it
take to change an adult diaper?
MIKE: The Norwegian National
Police have surrounded
the Finnish Embassy in Oslo, Norway
Oh, my God in heaven.
Selina, do you hate me?
Minna, I'm on the phone.
Ma'am, the White House refuses
to get involved in your situation.
- What?!
- Although publically,
Montez claims to be
considering all options.
Privately, I heard she's been doing
impressions of you getting
broom-sticked in prison.
Are people actually laughing
at that impression?
- No.
- Yes.
Is this really just about
me reporting you to the ICC?
Yeah.
How long am I supposed to be here?
I could be dead before
you ever get outta here.
Well, no offense, Ben, but honestly,
that could be, like, tonight.
- God willing.
- I forgave you
for not voting for me to
be the head of the IMF.
Minna, you don't go to prison
when you're not the head of the IMF.
- Just the prison of unmet potential.
- Ooh!
Go sit in the corner, Minna! Go!
GARY: Here comes the shoes!
Guys, how is this affecting
my chances at the nomination?
You need to get in touch with the
American Ambassador to Norway.
Norway.
Ambassador Costas was
Montez's husband's chiropractor.
BEN: Yeah, he does most of his
ambassador-ing in Orlando.
OK, that's everything.
Ohh.
I have no space in this room!
- I'll take it out.
- I cannot move!
It's easy.
We'll get it out.
Ow!
Selina, can I ask just one teeny, tiny,
very small question?
Uh yeah.
- Minna.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
From the bottom of my heart,
I truly and completely
forgive you.
Now shut the living fuck up.
I am just sorry that
I cannot forgive you
for killing all those innocent people.
Get out.
- We are sharing a room.
- No, we're not.
Yeah.
AMY: Streptococksucker.
Do you have the chicken pox?
Clay gave 'em to me, yell at him.
- CLAY: No, I didn't.
- Clay!
Oh, sweet pustulent Christ.
You need to see this.
Disease Control is reporting
a large chicken pox outbreak
in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.
Oh, wow.
We got out of
there just in time.
That is the eighth chicken pox outbreak
in the last week,
all in communities with
low vaccination rates
but no other apparent connection.
Oh, my God, you Patient IQ Zero!
You infected all those nutballs who
don't believe in vaccinations!
Well, serves 'em right.
Didn't you have chicken pox as a child?!
Were you too busy bed-wetting and
cutting fuck-holes in watermelons?
(knocking on door)
Jonah: Amy, that only
works with fleshy melons.
- BETH: Duh.
- And sometimes pumpkins.
Daddy!
Hi, Bethy, I'm really
sorry I just showed up.
Oh, no.
No! No, no, no!
I really wanna have a chance
to talk with you, Jonah.
Can't you see I feel
yucky enough already?!
Jonah, I know that you're angry with me.
I hate you so much
I could walk into a supermarket
and shoot everybody.
It's all right to feel that way.
I just want you to know that I love you.
And I hope someday you'll
give me another chance.
OK.
I b-b-beg your pardon?
OK, you can be my dad.
I can be what?
You can be my dad if you want.
Aw, come here!
Aw, I love you, Jonah.
I love you too, Daddy.
No homo.
Sure.
No homo.
MINNA: As we Finns say, the morning
is wiser than the evening.
Are you feeling wiser
this morning, Selina?
- OK.
Get off.
- No? I see that we are still choosing
not to make the best of the situation.
I can't.
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