Quartie's gonna love this.
Yeah.
Ma'am, this doesn't seem right.
- GARY: No.
- Yeah, let's lose it.
- All right, losing the flag.
- No, no, no, the birthday sign.
- Oh.
- JAFFAR: Selina, look who I found.
- Who are all these people?
- Your guests!
- Hello!
- Madam President,
let me introduce you to Quartie Sturges.
Quartie, President Meyer.
You need to call me Selina.
- Okay?
- All right, Selina.
It is so nice to see you south
of the Mason-Dixon line
without your campaign bus behind you.
(CHUCKLES) I think you're teasing me.
You know, President Hughes said
the nicest things about you.
Oh, my goodness, I wish I
could say the same thing.
- We need a drink.
- (CHUCKLES)
- I'm seven years sober, ma'am.
- Uh-oh!
You know, my mother was an alcoholic.
She was a real mean drunk.
Are you mean when you drink?
(QUARTIE LAUGHS) Occasionally.
SELINA: I get that sense.
What is this? This is the
biggest one you could get?
It's only got four wheels and there's
no fucking hot tub in the back.
Just get in the car before
someone sees us, Malcolm No-Sex.
- It's all right, playa.
- Okay, fine.
- Damn.
- Yeah.
We're gonna fuck bitches
till they in stitches.
Actually, I'm just kidding.
I got engaged.
- Did you hear that?
- Is she a foreigner?
No, just Jewish.
Oh, what's up now? 9-11, bitches!
We're gonna fly two
planes into the club!
Next stop, "Green-wich" Village!
Here we go, let's go!
Let's go oh, fuck! Hey,
you could've killed me!
QUARTIE: That's the problem
with you New Yorkers
you don't appreciate fine weaponry
in your Bloomingdale's and your Zabar's.
- Quartie, I'm a country girl.
- Uh-huh.
Okay? I think you keep forgetting that
like you forgot to clean up that
oil spill of yours in the Gulf.
- Very good, very good.
- Okay, okay.
Good, good.
You know, this band hasn't played
together since the Great Washboard Feud.
- Is that so?
- Mm-hmm.
Hey, Brian.
Brian, Beth!
Where you guys going? You're
the only people I know left.
We're just uncomfortable around
so many Confederate flags.
- And the lawn jockeys.
- Sorry.
- BOTH: Happy birthday.
- Oh, thank you, thank you.
- Gary?
- Yeah?
- Not a lot of vegetarian options.
- I know.
I'm sorry, Marjorie.
Oh, God, what a mean face.
- (COWBELL CLANGING)
- (MUSIC STOPS)
Yeah.
Hush up, y'all.
I just wanna say a few words for
Gary Walsh's 40th birthday.
- (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- Who's Gary?
Like Gary, I, too, was born in the glory
that is the deep south of Maryland.
So, you know, Gary and I
both have our swimming holes
and our fishing holes and all the
holes you could ever possibly want.
Right, Quartie?
But I wanna tell you this
one particular story
that's one of my favorite
Southern memories.
It's when my daddy first
took me hunting for rabbits.
And I gotta tell you, my
rifle was bigger than I was.
- I was just a tiny, little thing.
- (WOMAN LAUGHING)
But the Second Amendment certainly
did guarantee my right to use it.
- Ho! Damn straight, huh?
- That's right.
So, anyway, I aim my shotgun
at one of those rascals
and, gosh darn it, the recoil
plumb knocked me on my behind.
(ALL LAUGHING)
I'm learning so much
about Selina tonight.
- SELINA: Sure enough, when I came to
- Me, too.
I should update her Wikipedia page.
showed me the rabbit that I shot.
But what my daddy didn't know
and I'm sorry if I get a little
emotional telling this story
is that I saw him pull that
dead rabbit out of his pocket.
He just wanted to make his little girl
as happy as a hound dog
with a horse's Johnson.
CROWD: Aw!
But at any rate, happy birthday, Gary.
And I think the birthday boy
would like to say a few words.
Would you like to say a few words, Gar?
Gary, you wanna come up?
- No.
- No? Oh!
I think he's feeling a little shy,
so, um, thank you all so much,
and y'all enjoy the party
and have a good time.
- Yeah!
- SELINA: Well, all right!
- Thank you! Thank you.
- (MUSIC RESUMES)
- That was amazing.
- Yeah.
As my father used to say,
"If that speech was a
horse, it'd be a unicorn.
"
- (CHUCKLES)
- "Magical!"
I wanna put that rabbit
story in the book.
Actually, Amy's in charge of the book.
- Amy's not in charge of anything.
- I wish I had a pen.
I just remembered I have
a photographic memory.
Oh, perfect! Perfect, perfect.
- Can I talk to you just a second?
- I wanna talk to you, too.
- Yeah.
- Gary, I'm so sorry.
- Yeah, yeah.
- We have run out of bourbon,
so do you think we could borrow some of
your daddy's bourbon from his stash?
- Yeah.
- Yeah? Good, good.
Great, great.
I think that went well.
There you are.
I've been look
Oh, my God.
I'm I'm so sorry.
There there's no food here, and
the baby and I just got so hungry,
and I need you to not be mad at me because
I just I just had I had one bite.
Brought you a second plate
with extra pork chops.
Imogene, not now.
- I don't know who you are anymore.
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