All due respect, ma'am, we
all knew you were, uh
- (IMITATES BED CREAKING) with Kent.
- Kent?!
My snatch isn't a data port!
- What are you talking about?
- (GARY CHUCKLING)
I slept with Tom James!
- Whoa!
- No!
In the white-hot White House.
In the Oval with your running mate?!
- On a couch.
- Ma'am, we have a best-seller!
(CHUCKLING) I mean, it
was the Green Room, but.
- What? How do you know that?
- You you said it was at the Congressional Ball.
- Oh, did I say that?
- I think so.
- Did I?
- Ma'am, we got gold.
Gold!
Do you think I should give him a call?
- That's a classy move.
- GARY: Yeah, I'll get his number.
Or I could go and I could
see him in person.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
You want me to go with?
I can take notes.
- Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
- No.
Mm-mm.
ANNOUNCER: It's the new
"CBS This Morning.
"
Welcome to the new "CBS This Morning.
"
- I'm Dan Egan.
- And I'm Brie Ramachandran.
Jane McCabe is on special assignment.
We start our day in the
state of New Hampshire
where Hurricane Chloe has
taken a turn for the deadly.
So boring.
God, how can anybody jerk off to her
with him sitting right there?
I'm sure you'll find a way, Congressman.
The Ethics Committee is
debating ending its probe
into Representative
Lawler's Nantucket trip.
You will vote yes despite
the strong evidence
of cocaine use and reckless boating.
- That guy knows how to party.
- Then Tuesday,
you have the White House meeting
on raising the debt ceiling.
Unless they try to kick it down
the road for a couple of months
and hope we get hit by an asteroid.
Are you listening to
anything we're saying?
Yeah! Cocaine, boating,
asteroids, whatever!
Did you guys get invited
to this unveiling thing?
Naturally.
How come you guys got
invited and I didn't?
Because we worked for the president
and didn't cost her the presidency.
And because we don't look
like Herman Munster's brother
who liked to molest that
pudgy werewolf kid.
Charlie, also played by Fred Gwynne.
Season one, episode nine.
Kent, can I have your plus-one?
No, I'm bringing my jai alai instructor.
- Female.
- Ish.
- What about your plus-one?
- I work for you, I don't date you.
Maybe I'm gonna go hire some women,
and I'm gonna make them date me.
And tomorrow, a sex
offender registry for dogs.
- It's about time.
- Mm-hmm.
Until then, I'm Brie Ramachandran.
And I'm Dan Egan,
bringing you your morning
every morning of every day
for many mornings to come.
And we are clear.
Great show, people!
What'd you think of that new sign-off?
You sound like a Scientologist.
- Really?
- Kind of.
Can I talk to you for a second
actually, both of you, in here?
- BOTH: Yeah.
- So, we got the results back
from the first testing
of the new host pairing.
Oh, good!
And something interesting
jumps out from the data,
which is people say that you
two don't have any chemistry,
which is their words, not
mine, but also mine.
I've never not had
chemistry with a woman.
People like the energy
that you and Jane had.
It was this raw, sexual vibe
because you two were
Jesus, we were not fucking!
Okay, going down on each other, whatever.
I don't wanna know!
Oh, my God!
The point is people find
you two cold together.
- But I I'm actually fucking her.
- Dan!
- Aren't you engaged to a Yankee?
- Yeah, I am.
That's why I told you
not to tell anybody.
Aw, that's sweet.
Look, Dan, Brie, you two don't
have to make up this crazy story
- about you two fucking.
- We're not making this up, okay?
- We are fucking!
- Like, a lot.
Maybe you two should fuck
differently, then.
I don't know.
That's where I draw the line, man.
I don't take notes on how I fuck.
I, however I am
willing to do anything,
because I cannot lose this
job, not before my wedding!
Um, also just a little thing here
people don't like you in yellow.
- Okay.
- DAN: See? Told you.
SELINA: Jesus Christ, Tom.
- What is this?
- This is just temporary.
We're moving into the
big office next month.
- Oh, good, yeah.
I was feeling cramped.
- (BOTH CHUCKLING)
My goodness, look at you.
You keeping busy?
I am.
Yeah, I made a deal to write a book,
as a matter of fact.
Well, that's funny because I did, too.
Yes, I wrote a blurb for
your upcoming tome.
- Of course you did.
- Sight unseen.
Yeah, what is the title is
- "Investing with a Conscience"?
- "Conscience," yes.
So, it's sci-fi?
- Just trying to keep the lights on.
- (LAUGHING)
Well, the book that I'm writing,
I wanted to give you a heads-up
'cause I was toying with the notion of
of perhaps mentioning our
our little encounter.
Selina, there's I'm
sorry to interrupt.
- No, that's all right.
- There's something I wanted to say.
You know, you did me the honor
of choosing me as your running mate
Mm-hmm.
and I repaid that
honor with betrayal.
Yeah.
I guess my ego allowed me
to believe that folksy, old Tom James
was above all that beltway horseshit.
And in the end, I just turned out
to be another blue bottle fly
feeding on a heaping mouthful
of Seabiscuit's finest.
Wow!
I didn't come here to
ask for an apology,
but I certainly appreciate
getting one from you.
You deserve it.
If it makes you feel any better,
if I was in your shoes, I probably would've
tried to steal the presidency, too.
Well, that's what made the two of
us such a beatable combination.
Yeah.
(CHUCKLES)
Selina, I beg you, please don't do this.
- Oh.
- I have a new life, I have a new wife.
And we are expecting our first child.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
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