McCabe, but
this is a private meeting.
There are no private meetings at the
"CBS Morning Show" without Jane McCabe.
Well, Mr.
Egan has filed a complaint
that you have created a sexually
inappropriate workplace environment.
- Yeah, Jane, they made me.
- Sexually inappropriate?!
You microdicked weasel, you
couldn't even fill my pisshole.
- Jesus, Jane!
- Do you see how she talks to me?
- Ms.
McCabe, this is a safe space
- Oh, you fucking people!
- I'm sorry, what?!
- Oh, you know, the HR people.
Ms.
McCabe, let me advise you
that any further statement
Let me advise you that I built this
goddamn network with my own two tits!
- We aren't even fucking!
- Oh, how dare you?
Ms.
McCabe, everyone knows.
AMY: Ma'am, the President of Egypt
is expecting your call at 3:00 PM.
Okay, send his mistress a gift.
Maybe something from Neiman's.
Oh, no, wait.
Any department store that
wasn't started by Jews.
I will have to start one myself.
Now, I'm gonna need a report
on mineral rights in Sudan.
- Okay.
- And I have to find out,
what's Qatari for "morning after pill"?
- Oh, my God.
- It's probably a stoning,
which would also do the trick.
Whoa, Mike! What happened?
You look like the
business end of a baboon.
My ear tops burn the worst, too.
But they're starting to peel,
so soon, they won't be as red.
- Be as red.
Be as red.
- What?
You know, when I talk, I
can hear my skin crunch.
- SELINA: Oh Lord.
- Makes me wanna eat cereal.
AMY: Ma'am, are you sure
that you wanna go out
on such a limb for Ambassador Jaffar?
Well
Ben says Qataris are very
good at inserting themselves.
- You got that right.
- Be as red.
- Be as red.
- Ma'am, what I'm trying to ask is
I know, you think I'm going a
little too fast with Jaffar.
- I'm not!
- No.
Now, Amy, for the first
time in a long time,
- I feel like myself.
- Mm-hmm.
Or, you know, at least the person
I'm supposed to feel like.
Anyway, the only question
that I do have is
do you think that I can
be dating someone who's
- So much younger?
- No, Muslim.
- Right.
- You know?
Can I be with one of them?
It would be political suicide.
Oh, pfft, okay, last time I checked,
my political career had
answered a craigslist ad
for a modeling shoot in the
Angeles National Forest.
SELINA: The Egyptians are in.
All China has to do is throw
in a few hundred FN-6 missiles
and this deal is Mao Ze-done, baby.
Those Sphinx-fuckers really
love them some Chinese takeout.
- I'll let the Algerians know it's on.
- All right.
This is what the Arab
Spring was all about
arms deals and the exploitation
of third world resources.
- (HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING)
- Ah!
- Here's the Chinese.
- Mm.
Look, even their blinker is on.
Selina, my good friend.
Somebody's been using
their Rosetta Stone CDs.
- Come, let's head inside.
- Yeah, kind of a dicey neighborhood.
- You better lock up your chopper.
- Oh.
(CHUCKLES)
- How you doing?
- Pretty good.
Listen, it's also essential
to the Egyptians
that the Israelis can't know.
(WHISPERS) Maybe they're
listening right now.
(ALL LAUGH)
- So, do we have a deal?
- There is one more thing.
- I want Tibet.
- We gave you Tibet.
No, you gave Montez Tibet.
You gave me yak shit.
You're an infuriating woman.
Oh, yeah, you're all
rainbows and sunshine.
But unless you're planning on
knitting your semiconductors
out of bamboo shoots and panda cock,
you're gonna need every ounce of
gallium you can get in Sudan.
- Well, there are other sources.
- Rots of ruck with that.
What's gonna happen when
your honorable citizens
can't put their kung pao
chicken on the table
and start to question this
communist-capitalist shit swirly
you've been serving up?
Yu must really crave
public acknowledgment.
Oh, yeah, and you must really
crave a 6.
7 GDP growth.
(SIGHS)
- Deal.
- Fantastic.
- Madam President, always a pleasure.
- Yeah, always a pleasure.
Thank you, Lu.
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
- (CLAPS, LAUGHS)
- Confucius say fuck, yeah!
- We must celebrate, huh?
- How about that? Yeah!
- Come on.
- Isn't this a rush or what?
Don't you feel it? I just
want a tiny, tiny bit.
I don't want this whole evening
to go all Natalie Wood on me.
- Come here, you.
- Wait a minute, what is this?
JAFFAR: What?
- (REMOTE CLICKS)
- when US President Laura Montez
flew directly to Sudan
from the G7 summit
to meet with her in person.
Mohammad H.
Christ, that's my dissident.
I am honored to introduce
the world to Nyaring.
- What?
- And to present her with these flowers.
President Montez did, however, face
a wave of criticism in America
(CHUCKLES) Oh.
for what was seen as a
missed opportunity
- (SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE)
- to directly address
the issue of women's rights abuses
- All right, you know what I'm gonna do?
- (TV MUTES)
- What?
- I'm going back to motherfucking Sudan.
But you were just there.
Aren't you having a good time?
Absolutely, and I'm gonna say
what Titty Gonzalez was
too chicken-shit to say.
Selina Meyer is gonna be all
about women empowerment now.
- I want voting rights.
- Mm-hmm.
I want equal pay.
No more stoning of the rapee.
Let's stone the raper!
I suppose you'll be needing my plane?
- Pretty please?
- Well, when you say it like that.
(CHATTER)
I wanna say something about my paella.
Now, it is so good, when you taste it,
what's gonna happen, Will?
You're gonna wanna take it to
a church and marry it, Rog.
- (ALL LAUGHING)
- FURLONG: Damn straight!
Roger, that's a dollar in the swear jar.
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