You're bowing
next to President Lu.
- Good.
- Can I see?
Yeah, sure, sure.
- CATHERINE: Morning!
- MARJORIE: Morning.
- Hey!
- You guys had a slumber party.
Yeah! So, listen, we're
about to get breakfast
- and Gary's gonna go
- Look at this.
and get something
called sausage patties.
(GASPS) Oh, my God!
Look at the guy.
He's like
We still don't eat meat,
Mom, and we're on our way out.
- In your pajamas?
- It's athleisure-wear, ma'am.
- Okay, that's not a word, Marjorie.
- That's disgusting!
- Close it.
- All right, well,
I don't even know why
I try with those two.
- Honestly.
- Hey, ma'am,
before we get back to work,
would you mind writing
a letter of recommendation
to the Harper Day School?
We're just trying to get Ellen in
there, and it'd be really good.
- Wait, who?
- My oldest daughter.
- Oh, that Chinese one?
- Sure.
You write it, I'll sign it.
- Really?
- Sure!
Thank you so much, ma'am.
Thank you.
- Look at this.
- (GASPS) Oh, my gosh.
Did you ever go through
an awkward phase?
(LAUGHING) No!
RICHARD: Wow, I can't believe
I'm gonna be a father!
A lot of responsibility.
You just signed away
all responsibility.
I've never done this before.
You just go in the room and
Uh, I've never shook the devil's hand.
- Oh!
- You mean masturbate?
Oh, self-husband.
- Does it hurt?
- Oh, no, Richard.
- It doesn't hurt.
Wait, really?
- No, but how is that possible?
Well, my family in Iowa
was pretty religious.
Grandma Splett always said
that self-pleasure was a sin
like microwaves or laughter.
Do you need a minute or?
No.
Worse comes to worst, I'll
burn in hell like Grandma Splett.
You know what? He has
a really good heart.
(DOOR CLOSES)
I'm sorry, I'm still understanding
how the cup comes into play.
Oh, you you just have to aim
and and what
How many of these do I need to fill up?
Yeah, no, you just have to do one.
Just one? Okay.
I think
that'll be easier.
How will I know when I'm done?
You know, I'll figure it out.
I'll probably figure it out.
- SHAWNEE: Jonah.
- (GASPS, GRUNTS)
- Hi.
- Hey.
Hi.
So, that really happened, huh?
Why didn't you take me
back to your place?
Do you live with your mom?
No.
Pfft, no.
She wishes.
I live in my office.
DC rents are insane,
and Ben and Kent say I
can't use campaign money.
- Can I use campaign money?
- No, you can't use campaign money.
Okay.
Second opinion.
I chose your outfit for the day,
but I'm donating the rest of your suits
to a charity for rescued
circus giraffes.
I'm pretty sure I can take
care of dressing myself.
- Can you?
- Hey, um, do you have time to
- No.
- Okay.
It's just you look
really good in my robe,
and I thought if you had some time,
maybe I could finger you or something?
No, I have to get going.
- Okay.
- We'll fuck again tonight at 7:30
with less kissing.
Okay.
Yeah, no, 7:30 works.
- I'm taking a Pop-Tart.
- Can I ask you a question?
- (SIGHS) What?
- Just this is the first time
that that's happened since the
treatment, since the cancer,
- and I
- Oh, my God, get to it.
What?
Did my missing ball freak you out?
Honestly, it was one less
thing to worry about.
Okay.
Thanks, Mrs.
Tanz.
- What?
- Ms.
Tanz.
(DOOR CLOSES)
Hey, Richard.
Five-minute feud truce.
The most amazing thing
just happened to me twice!
Really? Something amazing
just happened to me, too!
- GARY: Amy?
- AMY: What do you want?
Okay, I had the president's wax figure
relocated next to President Lu.
And what's wrong?
They have her bowing.
Like this.
I know what bowing is.
People are
What? What?
You know, like, taking advantage of her.
They're fucking her in the ass?
- (BREATHING HEAVILY)
- I have to see this.
(CHUCKLING)
This girl is, like, 11 years old.
Where are her parents?
Ugh.
Obviously, you need me to fix this?
I tried, but it's just
You're as useless as a
dick at a roller derby.
And then there was this one time
that Daddy got back
from a month in Cuba.
(DOOR OPENS)
- Cuba?
- Hey, green tea with a hint of rosemary.
Okay, we're right in
the middle of working.
Gary, can I get a Sprite?
SELINA: Yeah, get him a Sprite.
Anyway, so Daddy never
came home empty-handed.
I have the most amazing
snow globe collection.
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
- No.
Really?
- I haven't even shown you that yet.
- Yeah, you're gonna die.
Yeah.
- The board is ready for you.
Oh, the right.
Oh, I bet you got a great
snow globe from Cuba.
Oh, no.
Actually, he brought
me back an ashtray from Cuba.
Good morning.
Selina Meyer present.
We will now vote on the next item.
- (MUTES MIC)
- I'm on the board of Biogenzidine.
- What are you voting on?
- These vultures wanna raise the price
- of some new cancer drug.
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