(GRUNTS) Ah, fuck.
Mothercunt.
Piece of shit.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Ah, fuck.
Careful.
Careful.
Careful.
I think the problem is that
you lack upper body strength.
- Oh!
- (AXE THUDS)
Why am I even chopping the fucking wood?
It's the 21st century.
We don't even use this shit anymore.
Worked fine.
Ah, and I grew up right here
in the awesome state of New Hampshire.
I hitched my wagon to a
shooting star named Jonah Ryan.
Well, maybe I should say comet
because shooting stars burn
out and he never will.
The only downside is that
I'll probably have to miss
my Gilbert & Sullivan
Society annual show.
You know, operetta is my passion.
If you want to know who we are
We are gentlemen of Japan
home to Motown,
aka Hitsville USA,
would like to cast its vote
for President Selina
Catherine Meyer.
Michigan votes for Selina Meyer.
- Jesus, Richard, please drive faster.
- MARWOOD: Minnesota?
- If you held the camera
- I'm not gonna hold the camera, Richard.
- How would I be on the camera
- (TIRES SCREECH, CRASHES)
(KIDS SCREAM)
Jesus Christ, Richard! You
could have killed me.
Can't you do two simple things at once?
I just thank God I didn't
hit those schoolchildren.
Who gives a fuck about them? Go! Go!
- (IGNITION CLICKING)
- Well, actually, the car won't start.
- Maybe call an Uber.
- We can't call an Uber.
I've been banned for life
because I have a low rating.
Missouri abstains from the vote.
- Missouri abstained?
- Abstained?
This is Tom and he's making a move
like some kind of grand
fucking chess master.
SELINA: Right.
Stalemate his endgame.
Shades
of Karpov versus Kasparov.
- Oh, who's that for, Kent?
- MIKE: Guys, Missouri's gonna abstain.
Tom just needs to make sure
that no one gets to 26
and then get his buddy Marwood to
make sure there's not another vote.
- BEN: That's it.
- Where is Jonah, folks?
Motherfucker! They're taking a Lyft now?
(MUSIC PLAYING)
- CATHERINE: Time to wake up.
- Stop.
- You big lesbo.
- (CATHERINE LAUGHS)
And what's it to you? I
think it's time to wake up.
CATHERINE: Suddenly everything
in my life made sense.
DAN: Actually, I got a question for you.
Is it weird going hallway to hallway
- with your mom's twin?
- What?
To never mind.
CATHERINE: Do you think about what
you'll do if my mother doesn't win?
God, I have no idea.
What else am I gonna do?
Go out and see the world?
I don't even like looking
out my window, so
I really I don't know.
Ben, you home.
It's the spouse.
Hey, sweetie.
Hi.
Um, Joyce, this is the
president's daughter Catherine.
Catherine, this is my wife Joyce.
- Nice to meet you.
- What a surprise.
I thought you and the kids
were on vacation this week.
Yeah, that was last month.
BEN: Joyce, she took care of me
after my third heart attack.
My second wife was a nurse as well.
I guess I have a thing for nurses, huh?
Yeah, but I his best nurse.
These Precious Moments figurines
are a very good investment.
Would you care for a drink?
Hi, yeah, I'm trying to
reach Charlie Baird.
This is a friend of his, Gary Walsh.
Oh, what's the what
is this concerning?
Um, hanging out?
These are my compatriots.
We are a historically
Spanish-speaking motorcycle club
which has been under a great deal
of unfair legal scrutiny lately.
This is our president, El Cabeza.
Hola, chica.
¿Cómo estás?
(MEN SHOUTING IN SPANISH)
KENT: I find that my
involvement in the club
keeps the internecine skirmishes
of Washington in perspective.
- (PHONE RINGS)
- Yello.
- Hey, how far out are you?
- We're at security.
Get the Hunchback of Notre
Hampshire down to the floor.
Well, we've reached a
little bit of a kerfuffle.
I'd say even more of a kerfuffle.
Like a snafu approaching quagmire.
Jonah Ryan.
Just Google me.
Google me.
- Come on, fucking Google me.
- Calm down, sir.
Jesus Christ.
- Hey!
- No!
We're hanging on by a thread,
but if everyone votes
the way we think they're
gonna vote, we'll win.
Yeah, that's the least
reassuring sentence
I've heard since "It's
okay, it's just the tip.
"
It's looking tighter
than Will's own butthole
when he's got his finger jammed up there
watching "Bad News Bears"
while he jerks off.
- How tight is that, Will?
- It's very tight, sir.
Yeah, but I wouldn't take
down the tampon dispenser
in the Oval Office bathroom just yet.
CATHERINE: How will you
feel if my mom loses?
If your mom loses? I'll miss her.
She's a pretty classy lady.
She's the only person in this
town who really gets me.
Oh, so I will see you tomorrow night.
- Yes.
- Yes, indeed.
CATHERINE: As the vote got closer,
the tension in the White House
ratcheted up even further.
Run.
Door.
So what the fuck is Tom up to?
Sorry.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry.
Yes?
I was just checking to see if there
was another meeting about me.
Not today.
Okay.
Guys, Mike is a moron.
Jesus Christ!
I can't wait until
after the inauguration.
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