- Hello?
- Okay, what's happening, Amy?
Morning, Madam President.
It's 5:00 A.
M.
- And Nevada is still asleep.
- Hello? What?
Well, wake it the fuck up 'cause
I'm wondering if we should remove
the Native American precincts
from the recount list.
I'm having reservations
about the reservations.
So figure that out and call me
right back.
I'm at Walter Reed.
I'm meeting troops and
shaking God only knows what.
Okay.
These are from the
president's last set of
precinct changes for
the recount challenge?
Yes, and the changes before that
and the changes before that.
She's changed her mind more times than a
frickin' child molester at Disneyland.
You need to file this at the
courthouse in exactly 17 minutes.
Yeah, and if you miss
the deadline, find a
rattlesnake and shove
that up your dick hole
'cause it's a lot more fun
than what I'll do to you.
And drive safe.
We've got Hallowes, Bennett,
and Gabby Ramos doing
press in Carson City
and Maddox is flying in tonight.
Oh, God, Maddox is probably
going to study the effects
of legalized prostitution on his dick.
Catherine, out.
All right, so do we have any idea
what this O'Brien press
conference is about?
- No idea.
- Perfect.
We're working on our video
connection with Amy as we speak.
Well, maybe we can get some
six-year-old Asian kid to fix it.
- Mike, when's your baby coming?
- Coming soon, ma'am.
We're gonna name her
Ellen after Wendy's mom.
Actually, her stepmom.
She
has a difficult relation
misunderstood your level
of interest, sorry.
Hey, guys, watching
the press conference?
Yeah.
Amy, just listen a bit
before you start talking.
- Our founding fathers
- All right, here we go.
entrusted the American people
with the right to choose
I mean, will you look at Montez?
Seriously, I'm more
Hispanic than she is.
You know? Where's she
from, Santo Connecticut?
She summers in Vinyardo Del Martha.
Can Montez look less Hispanic?
Jesus, Amy, we already
covered that, okay?
She's from El New Hampshire.
James Whitman to head
up our recount team.
- Jesus! They got James Whitman.
- This is not optimal.
Where I'm from a vote is a
vote, the law is the law,
- and the count is the count.
- He makes a lot of sense.
All right, so they've got a Secretary
of State and what do I have?
Harpo, Chico, and Shito.
- You know who we need?
- Who? Who do we need?
Bob Bradley, my old mentor.
- The Eagle.
- That'd be amazing.
Served in more administrations
than any man alive.
Also an accomplished ballroom dancer.
Okay, great, done.
Let's get him.
Bob Bradley.
- He's our Whitman hit man.
- Madam President, excuse me.
I have the meeting with the
Nevada Secretary of State.
Oh, Amy, don't forget to
bring Richard with you.
Wait, really? Richard? He's
Ma'am, the DOD wants us to know
that now the Chinese hackers
have breached White
House employee files.
Maybe they can find out what
some of these people are doing.
Ooh, tell me about it.
Oh, and you have
a drop-by at a brunch
to thank campaign volunteers.
To thank them for what?
This Olympic-size swimming pool of shit
that I'm doing the
backstroke in right now?
Not a good idea to cancel, ma'am.
Make Tom do it.
He loves all that fake smiley shit.
Tom has his banking
task force today.
His what?
It's a veritable who's
who of Wall Street.
Well, that sounds a lot
sexier than my thing.
Tell Tom that I get dibs on that.
It's my presidential
banking task force now.
Well, Tom is not gonna
be happy about that.
Well, good.
That's the way I like it.
Open the door.
The president will be
there shaking hands
and thanking some of the
volunteers for their hard work
at some point in the near future.
I'll get back.
- No breakfast for this guy.
- Who's offering?
You are looking at a guy on the
master cleanse.
I feel amazing.
What in the lunatic fuck
is the master cleanse?
Sounds like Nazi domestic policy.
Little known fact about the Nazis
their polling numbers within
Germany, through the roof.
Unbelievable numbers.
Though also tragic.
The Jewish demo couldn't
have been that good.
Yep, I don't eat food anymore.
Just water, maple syrup,
lemon juice, and cayenne pepper.
Do you still take shits?
Not exactly take.
Welcome to Nevada.
Everybody settle in.
Make
yourselves comfortable.
Members of the Meyer-James
and O'Brien-Montez campaign.
Let's talk ground rules.
According to Nevada law,
if the recount sample shows
a difference of 1% or more,
which in this case comes to 512 votes,
we go ahead and recount the whole state.
Now, most of the voting
here is touch screen,
so we can't do more than
retabulate those totals.
Except you could recount the
voter-verified paper audit trails.
Sometimes there are big discrepancies.
- Sir, in that case we motion
- On the other hand,
the ninth circuit court of appeals
ruled in Crowley v.
Nevada
that you don't have to recount the
paper audit trails in local elections.
- That's Crawley versus Nevada?
- That's Crowley.
Actually, you know what?
I could email you.
Or you could email me at
splett2@splettnet.
net.
Splett1 is my father.
It'll
be sad to see him go,
but it'll be nice to get my
hands on that handle, you know?
Is Meyer being a sore loser?
- Spirits are very high.
- The president won the popular vote.
I didn't quite catch all your questions.
- We had a pretty big setback in there.
- We have to go.
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