1
My fellow Americans,
I stand before you this
morning in barefaced awe
of the majesty of our democratic system.
What a night.
In a democracy such as ours,
it falls to the people to
choose their president,
and that is what you
attempted to do last night.
As it turned out, there's a
virtually unprecedented tie
in the electoral college,
a somewhat arcane institution
that many scholars believe
we should do away with.
I wish to say on a personal note
that although there is a tie,
I am most privileged to
have won the popular vote.
And though this tie may be frustrating,
I want to assure the American people
our country is not leaderless.
No matter who you voted
for, I am your president.
Thank you all.
God bless you.
And may God bless the
United States of America.
We're clear.
Can we have the room?
Fantastic speech, ma'am.
The three Ss strength,
stability and bullshit.
I forgot to thank the voters for making our
country look like a high school Spanish club.
Didn't those founding fuckers
ever hear of an odd number?
Two great Greek
contributions to society
democracy and getting fucked up the ass.
I've tried both and they're
way overrated, like jazz.
My bowling coach used to say a tie
was like kissing your sister.
Well, this feels like my sister
took a shit on my chest.
God, I'll tell you something, too, okay?
There is no world in which I
am going to be vice president
to that smug, Dick Van Dyke-looking
motherfucker Tom James.
Who in the hell does he think
Catherine, what are you
doing with that thing?
- Is that on?
- Remember when we got back last night?
My thesis film about the tie.
She majored in film at Vassar College.
Oh, believe me, I know
what she majored in.
65 grand a year to watch movies.
Mom, this is such a historic event.
Can you please just get off of me?
And I never came up with a
thesis my advisor liked
because I had that thing last semester
where I was tired all the time
Okay, we don't have time to hear
the story of your syndrome.
What about your minor, dance?
Why don't you make up a little kind
of a dance about the election?
You know, you can't decide should
you dance or should you not dance?
I want you to take this seriously.
You promised me.
Please, Catherine, stop with
the whining, all right?
You're gonna shatter the
bulletproof glass in here.
How is it that we did not win Delaware?
Okay, is that a yes to my question?
Okay, she can have full access, okay?
Starting right after we address
the situation in Yemen.
Honey, it's Yemen.
Life gives you Yemen, you
got to make Yemenade.
Okay, well, I'll come back later.
You always do.
Ma'am.
No, there's not gonna be a film.
The only thing Catherine ever finished
was an entire ice cream cake.
Quick thinking about Yemen, by the way.
Actually, four Christian
missionaries burned to death.
Oh, even better.
Amy! Jesus.
This thing on the side of my
face feels like a dog nipple.
It's hardly noticeable, ma'am,
like our Hispanic voter turnout.
Maybe you just might want to
see a doctor just in case.
No, she doesn't need a doctor.
I got it under control.
- Amy!
- Yeah?
- So, what?
- Nothing.
I've been on the phone all
night with these clueless
constitutional law experts of ours.
I don't know what's getting
their dicks harder,
an electoral college tie
or talking to a girl.
- Are you back?
- No, I'm not back.
I'm just helping out.
- Ma'am.
- What?
Do you want to see a doctor about the
- It's a stress pimple.
- No, it's
- I get them on my ass all the time.
- It's not a stress pimple.
It's a pimple that erupted
during a very stressful time.
- Gary's on it, okay?
- Exactly, yes.
- I don't have a spoon.
- Oh.
Have you tried cider vinegar?
No, we're using hot compresses.
That's all we need.
For the stress pimple? Ben gets those
on his butt.
She should see a doctor.
- Amy's back.
- No, I'm not back.
- Ma'am, rave reviews on the speech.
- Good.
- Oh, and big news.
- Oh, God, O'Brien made a statement?
I'm sorry, I should have
said big personal news.
Wendy and I are adopting
a baby from China.
Oh!
We were keeping it a secret
till after the election.
Actually, Wendy was keeping it
a secret from me until today
because I'm so bad with keeping secrets.
- But I'm gonna be a dad.
- You're a nincompoop.
We are in the middle of a tied election.
There is no time for some Chinese baby.
Cancel it and see if you
can get your money back.
Fortune cookie say you fuck
up big-time, round eye.
It's not a big deal.
I don't
even know when to expect her.
And, starting today, I'm
getting in dad shape.
Counting my steps.
Too bad you're not
counting your missteps.
You'd be done by breakfast, right?
I prefer to count my steps in my head.
4,383.
Get out of my sight, Kent, okay?
I have not forgiven you for this tie.
Ma'am, I have the final House results.
- Lafontaine won?
- Mm-hmm.
How many abortions does a pro-lifer
have to pressure his mistress into
before the people turn on him?
- Three.
- And how did Craig lose?
Didn't she go to Indiana,
like, five times?
That may have been the problem.
All right, listen.
From
this moment forward,
people, I am all about the House vote.
We are recommending direct engagement
with individual congressmen.
- That's got to happen.
- That's right.
And every day you have to do the
one thing O'Brien can't do.
- Yeah, drive sober.
- Take a shit without getting a hernia.
Be the president.
It is imperative
that you look presidential right now.
I'm going to visit troops,
go on and off of Air Force
One as much as possible.
热门英文电视剧
老友记 Friends摩登家庭 Modern Family绝望主妇 Desperate Housewives破产姐妹 2 Broke Girls权利的游戏 Game of Thrones黑镜 Black Mirror爱,死亡和机器人 Love, Death & Robots杀死伊芙 Killing Eve第二十二条军规 Catch-22神盾局特工 Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.豆瓣高分英文剧
瑞克和莫蒂 Rick and Morty老友记 Friends火线 The Wire怪诞小镇 Gravity Falls探险活宝 Adventure Time with Finn and Jake无耻之徒(美版) Shameless飞出个未来 Futurama欢乐一家亲 Frasier 成长的烦恼 Growing Pains兄弟连 Band of Brothers飞哥与小佛 Phineas and Ferb风骚律师 Better Call Saul少年正义联盟 Young Justice亿万 Billions咱们裸熊 We Bare Bears副总统 Veep鬼屋欢乐送 Ghosts伦敦生活 Fleabag绅士杰克 Gentleman公关 Flack梅尔罗斯 Patrick MelroseCopyright © 2021 TaiCiShe.com 版权所有。 联系我们