You know, there are hordes of young women who roam the halls of the West Wing.
- Yes? - 15% of them were hired to be fired.
Yeah.
We call them the Expendabelles.
That's not funny, boys.
- No.
- Okay, Dan, go sacrifice a virgin.
Just another Saturday night.
- That's not funny, Amy.
- What? Why not? Hey, Egan, is somebody gonna get fired over this AIDSnami? Oh, yeah.
And I'm in charge of the canning, Jonah.
I'm the Dan who can.
Okay, well, I was only involved in the Families First bill via you, so What about your side dick here? You tell him stuff? Oh, God, yes.
He was more involved than I was.
He was up to his thighs in it.
I don't think I was, sir.
How's the view from down there, you snake? - It's harsh.
- Oh, harsh? We need to be a unified front.
Uh, what are you guys doing right now? We're working on the veep's walk-on music for tonight.
- The Police.
- Law and order mixed with very mild reggae.
It's like a comforting balance.
Hey, Jonah, how would you like to be a little more involved tonight? Supervise the balloons, the streamers, the fireworks? - All right.
- Yeah? You know I got an eye for that.
That's why I'm such a good photographer.
- Absolutely.
Yeah.
- And I love fireworks.
The noise, the lights.
Mostly those aspects.
All right, look, I'm gonna text you about this later.
Right now I've gotta go.
This goat's not gonna scape itself.
I feel persecuted.
I'm just waiting for the press to throw me in a pond to see if I'll float.
Honeymoon's over, isn't it? It was kind of a shitty honeymoon, too.
Just like my actual honeymoon with Daddy.
I know, Mom.
"The Onion" did a parody of that photo in the "Post.
" Oh, really? I like "The Onion.
" What you'll look like when you're leaving office, except you look exactly like you do now.
Okay.
They think you'll only be president for a few months.
- That's the joke.
- No, no, I get it, yeah.
That's funny.
That's funny stuff.
My girl's had her life ruined.
How did the president find out about her information? This thing has gotten way too big.
It's like my mom's cat.
The president is just trying to help children.
I don't understand why everyone keeps focusing on the negative, you know? Maybe because, Gary, we ruined a girl's life.
Negative, negative, negative.
Mike, the National Parents Group cut the cord on supporting Families First at next week's press event.
Great, now parents hate us.
Oh, God, welcome to my childhood.
And adulthood, actually.
We need to shut the story down.
I'm aware of that.
Thank you, Sue.
Well, why haven't you shut it down? If you see a fire, do you look at the fire and put it out or do you just say, "I'm aware of it"? Sue cannot tell me how to do my job.
She just did.
Oh, I bet this baby could sure spill a lot of glitter, am I right? Put it down.
That thing goes off in your face, the surgeon will be tweezering tiny shamrocks out of your eye jelly for a week.
Hello, sir.
Jonah Ryan.
Now, I cannot tell you who we represent, but let's just go so far as to say that my boss is a powerful guy, and his boss, I cannot stress her power I get it.
He's VP Doyle, she's temporary President Meyer.
You think confetti and a disco ball's gonna keep those clowns in the White House? Well, sir, if you would like us to take our business elsewhere Grow up, huh? I do anyone.
I did balloons for Jerry Ford in '76.
Met him.
Asshole.
So what can you organize for us? - There's the Presidential.
- Oh, that sounds perfect.
That's bottom of the range.
You don't want that.
I just named it Presidential because of that asshole Ford.
We've been told to really go to town.
Well, then you want the Star-Spangled Banger.
Or Red, White, and Whoo-hoo.
Now, will we have some sort of creative control over the music? I don't give a shit, son.
I still get paid.
Let me show you what we got.
- There she is.
- Hey.
- Hey, I'm excited.
- Okay.
Good.
I'll warm them up for you.
Question is, how hot do you want them? - Red hot.
- Gonna do the snail joke, right? That's your trademark joke.
Signature joke.
Yeah, you don't have to do the snail joke.
It's so funny.
Uh, Andrew, listen.
Let me ask you something.
Do you think this HIV girl thing is killing us or what? No, no, no.
You're gonna be fine.
Look, the news moves so quickly, we'll have a new iPhone or the Chinese will be in Chicago.
- Amy, can I talk to you a sec? - Sure.
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