You just couldn't hear me because you didn't have your ear trumpet.
I feel like I want to burn this thing.
Can I burn this computer? Why would you burn that, Mike? Mike? Excuse me.
What's up? We just sent out Kent's polling consultation on the spy.
What spy? One of the hostages was a spy.
Oh, fuck you, Mike.
You're career poison.
Do you know that? Jesus, that's why you like sailing, because you're a fucking anchor dragging promising careers down to the bottom of the fucking ocean.
Stop it.
This was just phase one stuff.
Sample questions like, "What if the president lied?" But not that.
That sounds bad.
It was more coded, which still is bad.
Yeah.
I mean, it would have gotten out anyway, right? - Um - This is the Internet age.
- Nothing stays a secret.
- Yeah, yeah, and it's DC.
It's DC.
Everybody here talks.
Yeah, look, all we got to do is stay calm.
- We just got to stay calm.
- Keep walking, avoid any It doesn't work like that.
Mike, hold up.
If you'd see the way I framed the question, you'd understand that.
Well, tell that to Oprah when you mount your comeback.
I mean, you sent it to me and every second bozo in the building.
- No, I didn't.
- What the fuck were you thinking? Look, you marked it highly confidential, thereby guaranteeing that this thing is gonna go viral.
Uh, the vice president was groped by the Finnish prime minister's husband.
What? Why are you telling me that? - That's just weird.
- Yeah, that's really unfortunate.
Was that up in the hills or down in the valley? Sir, I was thinking the Eye of Sauron, you know? Keep the focus on Helsinki.
Sailing.
Well, congratulations, Kent.
You just brought down this presidency.
Well, the weather here in Helsinki has been hellishly cold.
Kent's polling data got e-mailed.
POTUS's spy lie just went public.
Okay, we're pulling out.
Let's go, shortest Q&A ever.
Danteeksi! Danteeksi! Guys, okay, we've got some weather to contend with, so we only have time for three questions.
You will be hearing from me.
- Yes? Yes? - Yes.
Yes.
- Good-bye.
- Good-bye.
Oh! Two more questions.
Was the visit about the agreement or the song? We are very pleased about the agreement and we are agreed on that.
And that was actually two questions, so I'm afraid we've got to go.
Where I come from, we kill people for looking at us funny.
We waterboard folks who haven't even done anything.
And you raped my tit.
- Oh - Oh, yeah, you did.
So I'm coming for you 'cause I'm an Angry Bird right now and you're a pig.
- Selina! Selina! - Thank you.
Are you going to apologize for the spy? Did the president know that one of the hostages was CIA? - Did you know? - I stand with the president.
I stand with the president? Why did I say that? Can we pretend you didn't say it? What will people think I mean? That you stand with the president.
I mean, there's not a ton of ambiguity with that one.
Well, who knew that being sexually assaulted wouldn't be the worst thing to happen in my day, huh? That's something for the memoirs.
I am never going back there.
- Yeah.
- Danteeksi? I'm sorry.
Sorry I ever set foot in that fucking fish-eating, indie film fucking hellhole.
Oh, come on.
Get over it.
I told everybody I was a scrotum.
Yeah, you did, didn't you? - It's okay.
- Did you hear that? - He's not.
- Ma'am, are you okay? I don't know.
I guess so.
Sure.
No.
I mean, would it be so hard for people not to be assholes? I wouldn't know.
Why are you coughing, ma'am? Because I caught a cold.
Oh, look, I just found out who that British reporter is.
The creepy guy.
He was like a noisy fucking ghost, really.
What's his name? I'll Google him.
- Dave Wickford.
- Dave Wickford.
Yeah, it says divorced twice, no kids.
That's shit for a journalist.
Yeah.
Europe used to be my favorite continent.
Now it's not even in my top five.
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