[PHONE CHIMES]
Don't you think they might be worried?
Took them two days to
realize I was gone.
Can't be too worried.
Why the long face, little pirate?
Nothing.
Come on.
You can tell your Auntie Lori.
I gotta make sure my
favorite first mate's head
is in the game.
Happy cooks make happy meals.
I didn't make it past
the first round of cuts
for West Point, and my lesbian sister
is in love with my girlfriend,
trying to turn her gay, too.
Wow.
World's really stomping
on your dreams, huh?
When God hands you lemons,
you just gotta squeeze that juice
into the wound and enjoy the pain.
Ma'am?
You're my star.
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off,
get right back up on that horse.
Horse, ma'am?
Right back into that saddle, huh?
[CHUCKLES]
Hello?
Anybody?
Ah, come on! I have
to set myself on fire
to get some attention around here?
Please do! I'll bring the matches
if you bring the gasoline.
About damn time.
How'd you do on the
back nine, doc? Even par?
How you been, Frank? Taking
care of that new liver
someone was stupid
enough to waste on you?
- Hm.
- [TYSON] So, what is it this time?
You're speaking, so I'm gonna rule out
an overdose or alcohol poisoning.
Broke an appendage.
Hurts like hell.
Could you hook me up
with a healthy helping
of your favorite opiate?
You haven't had anything yet?
Not a damn thing.
Your coworkers have been tighter
than a miser at a March
of Dimes fundraiser
with the pain relief.
Couldn't even rustle up
a Tylenol 3 with codeine.
Ow.
That's bone.
That's what I've been saying!
[TYSON] Congratulations, Frank.
You hit the jackpot this time.
You get a quick trip to the OR
and copious amounts of
intravenous narcotics.
Hey, Maggie.
Call up to surgery and
find out who's okay
with not getting paid today.
You were drunk?
Yes.
You initiated the assault?
I only punched her once.
You fractured her cheekbone.
You have a previous felony conviction?
Yeah.
[BAER] Well, it's not much
of a defense to present.
[BAER] You're a convicted felon,
you were drunk, you attacked a woman
without any provocation
in front of a dozen witnesses.
No, there was provocation.
She she called the cops
on my ten-year-old brother
for selling lemonade
in front of her house.
Why would she do that?
My brother's black.
You have a black brother?
Yeah.
DA may be reluctant to put that
in front of a black Chicago jury.
[BAER] We might be able to plead it down
from a felony to a misdemeanor.
Will I have to do time?
Depends.
You employed?
I'm looking.
What about AA?
Yes.
Okay, I'll talk to the DA.
Thank you.
But Miss Gallagher,
the judge is gonna want
to see proof that you are
a contributing member of
society, so no alcohol,
and get yourself a job, any job.
Yes, ma'am.
- [BELL RINGS]
- [FRANCES] Just a drill, children.
No need for panic.
Line up behind your teacher
in a straight line.
Straight lines, James McPherson!
[FRANCES] Abby Zoldan,
does that look like a straight line?
Gus Accord, stop eating
sand from the sandbox
[FRANCES] and get in line, please.
[FRANCES] Here we go.
Line up.
Go to your number.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Where
are you going, Amy Ball?
I have to go back in.
Can you get in line behind
Sister Anne, please?
[GEMMA] I can't.
I have to go back in my cubby.
Why do you have to get
back in your cubby?
So you don't see us.
See who?
There's two of you?
[TOMMY] Eight seconds?
Whew, that's rough.
[KERMIT] Yeah.
My cousin Ronnie
never recovered from his surgery.
[KERMIT] Been ten years.
He still has to wear
one of those adult diapers.
From a vasectomy?
No.
Prostate.
What the hell does that
have to do with anything?
I'm just saying.
It's never a good idea
to let doctors near your man parts
with anything sharp.
I thought you guys were
gonna help cheer me up.
Okay.
Okay.
Did sex still feel good?
Yeah.
Great.
It was quick, but good.
So enjoy that.
Lots of guys don't get any.
- Be happy with quick.
- Yeah.
Cousin Ronnie can't get
it up at all anymore
since the surgery.
He has to use
one of those pump things.
Enough about Cousin Ronnie,
would you, Kermit, please?
Eight seconds with you
is like eight hours
with anyone else, baby.
Short but sweet.
Very short.
[LAUGHTER]
You just had the vasectomy, baby.
You'll be back to your regular
- ten seconds in no time.
- [PHONE RINGS]
- [LAUGHTER]
- [TOMMY] Oh, damn.
[KERMIT] Oh, burn.
Oh.
Alibi.
Yes, Sister?
Yes, I understand.
Thank you.
Absolutely.
What?
The nuns know.
Hey.
How long you been waiting
here like a creepy stalker?
Not long.
Bullshit.
Carla saw you
out here a half-hour ago.
She wanted to call the cops.
So my dad find you this morning?
Yeah, he came to my house.
Yeah? And what'd you two boys decide?
Am I having this baby or not?
He says you're keeping it.
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