1
[ROCK MUSIC]
You missed it, didn't ya?
You don't know what happened last week.
You want me to tell you?
Give me 100 bucks.
Come on, 100 bucks, I'll
tell you what ha
Okay, 50 bucks! You make a good living!
Give me some fucking money! You
want to know what happened or not?
Well then, fuck you.
I'm not telling you.
It's my goal to get you all safely
across the border into Canada.
- Do you see anybody?
- No, I don't see
Hello.
Wrong side of
the border, boys, eh?
You can find your own
rich dude to control.
I am past my prime whoring years.
Top ten places to look for rich dudes.
Number one, high-end pubs.
We're taking you sugar-daddy shopping.
[NESSA] I saw you took the
"For Rent" sign down.
[SIGHS] It's about time I got
something of my own for a change.
- [FORD] You're pretty damn intriguing.
- [FIONA] How intriguing?
There was, uh, an
accident at my building,
one of the roofer guys
fell off the roof.
- Is he okay?
- I think he broke his ankle.
If there's anything
that I can do to help.
Thank you.
[EDDIE] What, Youens still?
I can't stop picturing him
in an orange jumpsuit
for the rest of his life.
You're a good fucking friend,
but you can't fix everything.
You still on that Bible shit?
Yeah, I'm proving to my online
haters that Jesus is a fag hag.
Another gaycorcism's going down.
Gotta gather the kids.
- Who are you?
- I'm his girlfriend.
Check this out.
Wow.
[YELLING] You're yelling
at me right now!
[YELLING] Because you're being crazy!
Yes, I'll marry you! Fucking hell yes!
[CRYING] Oh, my God
[ROCK MUSIC]
Think of all the luck you got
Know that it's not for naught
You were beaming once before
But it's not like that anymore
What is this downside
That you speak of?
What is this feeling
You're so sure of?
Round up the friends you got
Know that they're not for naught
You were willing once before
But it's not like that anymore
What is this downside
That you speak of?
What is this feeling
You're so sure of?
[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC]
[LIP] Ah, you're, uh, still at it.
Yeah, I'm trying to figure out where
all the gay-hating churches are.
There's like one in every neighborhood.
Homophobia's back in style.
Not for long.
[IAN] I've got more kids
coming for a meeting tonight.
- [IAN] Youens still in jail?
- Yeah.
Yeah, I'm actually gonna go
check on him later today.
Oh.
Hey, they've got a
retirement calculator.
I fucking love the internet.
I'll roll over my 401K from
Lumber Lawn and Lighting.
And then I add my estimated
yearly earnings.
- What are you doing, Frank?
- [FRANK] Planning my retirement.
Time to reflect on my accomplishments
and to bask in the spoils
of a life well-lived.
You mean leech off your kids and
drink booze out of a backpack?
- [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- You guys, Farhad found me
a temp job that pays 40 bucks an hour!
- Oh, yeah?
- Some nighttime welding gig.
I don't know, nighttime welding?
Sounds kind of sketchy, Debs.
Took me two weeks to make
300 bucks walking dogs.
I can handle sketchy.
Expenses? Alcohol and
drugs is non-negotiable.
Clothing? Yes, the occasional golf shirt
or swimwear for leisurely
retirement pursuits.
[CELIA] Hola, hola, good morning.
- [FRANK] No mortgage
- [CELIA GASPS SOFTLY]
- Hola, mi cielito.
Como estás?
- [FRANK] No rent
Are you ready to have a nice
day with your abuelita?
[SOFT CHUCKLE]
[CELIA SPEAKING SPANISH]
- [BABY BABBLES]
- [KISSES] I'll change you.
- [KASSIDI] Good morning, boo.
- Did you make all this?
Yes.
For you, bae.
I am going to cook for you every day,
and dinner too, and then
blow jobs for dessert.
I'm going to be the best fucking wife.
[SOFT SQUEAL]
[FRANK] The age I'd like to
retire, based on my current age?
Well they're identical, so.
[PHONE CHIMES]
I
W this makes no sense.
Let me see.
Come on.
All right, you need 23
grand annually to retire.
And you are short by about
22 grand.
Sounds right to me.
Oh, fuck that.
I've got engagement presents!
The vibrations will
lift up your follicles
so that the blades cut below your skin.
[FRANK] Thank you.
[KASSIDI] And a Nintendo 3DS for Liam.
Dope.
And a Zen garden
with a tiny, little sand rake for you.
And, um, a Fitbit for Ian.
Sweet.
And hot rollers for you.
Cool.
And for you, my sweet, hot
bitch [SOFT GIGGLE]
[KASSIDI] I found it.
- What is it?
- [GIGGLES]
[CARL] Is that blood?
- Is that your blood?
- Yeah.
It's your blood now.
You possess me, and vice versa.
Here.
Come here.
- I'll try not to nick an artery.
- [DEBBIE] Gross.
[MOUTHS WORDS]
[NERVOUS CHUCKLE]
[TRAFFIC HONKING FAINTLY]
- Hi.
- Hi.
Nice color.
It's called "Dangerous Robot.
"
I'm doing the bathroom in Liquid Kitty.
What happened to just "blue"?
Blue is not badass.
Well, neither is Liquid Kitty,
it sounds like a dyke bar.
Why don't you just paint it "Wet Pussy"?
Benjamin Moore didn't have that one.
It took me forever to choose.
What is my taste, even?
Ghetto chic.
[SOFT LAUGH] That's by
necessity, not choice.
Well, you're asking the wrong gal.
Mel handles this shit.
And her style's like
resort meets brothel.
[SOFT LAUGH] That's
perfect for a nursery.
You guys start picking out cribs?
Crib, singular.
We're down a fetus.
I miscarried.
- Oh, shit.
- It's okay.
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