You were all over me last night.
- We were drunk.
- Call it whatever you want,
but, uh, you couldn't keep
your tongue off of me.
You were in heat,
ready to hump anything that moves.
I, uh I get it if
you're too scared to admit
that you've got the
hots for a trans dude.
I'm not scared of anything.
I-I'm into cock.
(SCOFFS) What, afraid you'll
get your world rocked, Red?
You do have a vagina, right?
Like, technically, not philosophically?
I have a cock for packing.
I have a several
silicone cocks for fucking.
I consider to have a cock
connected to my body.
The "vagina" is a nonfactor.
It's cool, okay?
There's no need to be freaked out.
We can just be friends
really hot friends
who both have cocks.
Give me a shout when you're
free to hang, all right?
Yeah, yeah.
See you later, friend.
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
So workforce or college
Which one's the bigger scam?
Uh
I don't know.
Maybe equal, I guess.
Look at all this fresh meat.
College has got to have
an edge on that, right?
Yeah, higher concentration maybe.
I don't know about an edge.
You not planning to come back?
Nah, I'm, um
interning for a bunch of
rich college friends.
Degrees bought and paid for
by trust funds or whatever.
I tutor douche bags like
that in Micro Engineering,
and they'll still end up with the jobs.
It sucks ass, but
We could hack these fucks, and
they wouldn't know what hit 'em.
(CHUCKLES)
(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC)
Wait, w-what?
Look, I'm already into their system
helping them reboot the company, right?
Easy access to reroute
credit card payments
to our own account.
This is what you came up here for?
You're the smartest lowlife I know.
So you had an accident?
I rode my skateboard into a bus.
What does your hair smell like?
Uh, shampoo, I think.
- Were you wearin' a helmet?
- No.
Like strawberry shampoo
or dandruff shampoo?
Closer to strawberry, I think.
Did you sue the bus company?
Yeah, won a lot of money and disability.
And I like babies.
And I
like your juicy booty.
Involuntary, right?
Uh, do you have your own place?
Yeah, with my sister.
- Is it soft?
- My booty?
Uh, sort of, I guess.
Your nipples are hard
through your shirt.
Uh, who takes care of you?
Sierra, when she's not busy,
but she's busy a lot.
Hmm.
So let me get this straight.
You have your own place,
your own money, and nobody
to take care of you?
Neil, do you believe in fate?
(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC)
There's nobody's gonna take my
Name
And nobody's gonna
take me to yesterday
And nobody's gonna take my name
No, and nobody's gonna
take me to yesterday
No
- Hey.
- What's up?
Mind if I use the washer?
It's some of Liam's stuff.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Just keep your mouth shut.
The babies are still sleepin'.
Oh, man, they got their shots today.
Well, some did.
We're waitin' to see on who gets sick.
These viruses Deadly stuff, man.
Oh, uh, Fiona left some,
uh, shit for you.
It's V's, I guess.
What, hooker boots and CDs?
Did Fiona tell you what's
goin' on with those two?
I-I think I must've missed somethin'.
Uh, not really.
She's just being weird
- about the whole thing.
- Must be what it's like
for kids whose folks are
going through a divorce.
One minute they're BFFs,
the next minute you're picking on
who you want to live with.
It's stressin' me out.
I mean, I'm pickin' V, obviously,
but it doesn't mean I don't miss Fiona.
Ah, they're both being stupid.
What's goin' on with you?
Same old, same old.
Ah, dude, don't hold out on me.
I've been dealing with toddlers
all day, talking ABCs,
telling 'em what sounds a cow makes.
It's moo, motherfucker.
It's moo.
I'm thinkin' about fuckin'
one of my friends.
Sweet.
Why why even think about it?
- Just do it.
- He's got a vagina, kind of.
What, like a real vagina,
or he acts like a pussy?
No, no, like a real, live vagina,
except I'm not supposed to call it that
because the vagina's, like,
a fuckin' nonfactor.
- I don't know.
- So is it imaginary?
No, I think it's more like a man cave.
I don't even know if we're still
talking about body parts.
Uh, you know
I re I really like the guy,
and, uh, he's he's hot.
I don't want to mess up
the friendship part,
and I-I don't know if I
can suck silicone cock.
Right.
Right.
I'm still confused.
Is guy vag different from girl vag?
(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC)
Uh, don't worry about it.
I'll
be back for Liam's clothes.
Yo, thanks for the adult convo, Kev.
Glad I could help, man.
- (BELL RINGS)
- Hey, Etta,
those suit guys hassling you again?
Whose suits?
From the North Side, the realtors?
Oh.
They offered me 100 grand for the lease,
but they said I couldn't live
upstairs with my cats no more.
They're tryin' to kick you
out of your apartment?
I've lived in this place since the '50s,
and now they're tryin'
to buy out my lease
and take my apartment, too.
You don't have to get
run out by these guys.
I bet if you offered a few perks,
offered free delivery, maybe.
You'd get a ton more people up in here.
Hell, I've been doin'
other people's wash
since I was in diapers.
We could split the profits.
You wouldn't even have
to worry about it.
What's the use, honey?
Rich people always win.
(MUTTERING)
Seventy-four, 75 bucks!
Not bad, New Lip.
Not bad at all.
I'm gonna take, uh, 50%
for the savings fund.
I thought it was 25%?
I'm contributing to home improvement.
Electric bills for flat
screens and washers
don't pay themselves.
What do you say, troops?
Keep it or send it back?
(ALL CHANTING) Keep
it, keep it, keep it.
Don't forget who's lookin'
after your financial future.
(ALL CHANTING) Daddy Frank, Daddy Frank,
Daddy Frank, Daddy Frank,
Daddy Frank, Daddy Frank, Daddy Frank.
Hey, hey, hey, we can't hear the TV.
Excuse me.
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