Look, you have to own
something to make real money,
and Margo's the only owner around here.
Fine.
What about an
additional 50 bucks a week?
You just got a raise.
Not gonna happen.
(ELECTRONIC POP MUSIC)
You're just a wreckin' machine
You don't know what
you're doin' to me
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
(SIGHS) So who's married to whom?
- (BOTH) We're married
- To each other.
But we still have relationship
with all three of us.
I'm Big Papa.
And who's adopting whom?
She's adopting our daughters.
She's adopting son I have with jailbird.
- And that's him?
- No, this is Big Papa.
He's a good daddy and a good husband.
Jailbird in jail.
Not daddy anymore.
New daddy, Big Papa.
Huh, fascinating.
A-a-and your triplets?
My son, their daughters.
So weird how we have to keep explaining
our situation to people.
It's like they never heard
of a menage-a-three.
This may be the most
exciting adoption case
this firm has ever seen.
I mean, I'll be the face
of the modern family.
- This is career changing.
- So we negotiate discount fee
for mutual benefit.
(BEVERLY) Let's get
the paperwork started
to begin the application process.
You'll need to gather
all of your health-care information
to build your case file,
and the same for the children.
All of their checkups, immunizations,
MMR vaccines.
Uh
- MMR vaccine?
- Not now, Kev.
(DOGS BARKING)
What do you want?
I didn't get into military school, sir.
You fail the drug test?
(SIGHS) No.
Said the only slots left
were for colored people.
People of color, son.
Don't say "colored people.
"
That's reverse racism.
So what you call all the white slots?
Reverse reverse racism?
Well, I told 'em I was part black.
They didn't believe me.
You've met my brother, Liam.
Somebody in my families been
dipping in the chocolate.
Can you write me another letter?
Tell 'em I qualify for a diversity slot?
You want me to vouch for your blackness?
If it wouldn't be too much trouble.
I don't know what you are, Gallagher
Part black, part white, part dipshit.
Any asshole can claim
black by convenience.
- It's not fair, sir.
- White man's burden, son.
Until there's some genuine
racial balance out there,
you got to take the short
end of the diversity stick.
Well, where am I supposed
to learn to be a real man?
I'm gonna be stuck in this hood forever.
I ain't got no money
- (ECHOING)
- Money
I can't take you to no ball
Go ahead and say somethin' to me
Tell me you love me
Take it all in, take it all
No, that's sad, girl, shake it off
Shake it off
Baby, you know what I want
Ooh
Shake it
You know just what I need
Don't you?
And I just want to do it at all
Ooh, honey
I know it was you
Baby, baby, please do it for me
La, la, la, yes
Shake it, shake it, shake it
(SUE) Ugh, two arson victims,
a 35-year-old heart attack,
and a projectile-vomiting
three-year-old,
and it's not even five o'clock.
Yep.
(GROANS)
How's your stain coming?
Gonna need something
stronger than baby wipes.
That kid got you good.
It's not my first time
wearing projectile vomit.
Usually there's cheap
beer and fists involved.
Oh, we're all hittin'
up the bar after work.
- You want to come?
- Ah, no, I'm supposed
to meet up with a new friend later.
A new friend, huh?
Sounds like a rebound.
You got to go slow.
My last rebound
slashed the tires of
the rig I was workin'.
I had a patient in the back
with a Coke bottle shoved up his ass.
Not a rebound, all right?
Just a guy I met.
His name's Trevor.
He's a lot of fun to hang out with.
It's just platonic.
There's no such thing as platonic.
You're either bonin',
or you're waitin' to bone.
See, that's why I only hang
out with my coworkers,
'cause after a day on the rig
wearin' everybody's piss and vomit,
- none of us are fuckable.
- What?
- No offense.
- Oh.
No, trust me, this
friend is just a friend.
- Can't be any other way.
- (CELL PHONE CHIMES)
Is that your strictly
friend there texting?
Address to a yard party tonight.
Bonin' or waitin' to bone, Gallagher.
(LAUGHS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- Yo, we connected yet?
- Uh, nah.
I need someone to log in to
complete the network setup.
All right.
(KEYS CLACKING)
There.
Create a temporary
password and get it done.
Once we're back on, start
tweeting from our account.
Folks need to know we're alive.
(LIP) So one second the offices
are getting raided by the Feds,
and the next we're here
like nothin' happened.
How do you guys stay afloat?
(SCOFFS) By makin' a shit-ton of money.
Think we don't budget
for that kind of crap?
It's part of the business plan.
Like, the first time we
were alive, 14 months.
This time it was 20.
Called progress.
Yeah, but won't you guys just
end up gettin' busted again?
No, there's no crime in fantasy sports
and processing credit cards.
The Feds can try and fight it
till they're blue in the face.
Hey, so I was thinkin', you know,
since we got less staff now, um
you know, any chance
maybe I could get paid?
- (CELL PHONE CHIMES)
- Sarah's Pomeranian needs to be
at the groomer before lunch.
Got it.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Since we're gonna be new parents,
we should probably all
have the same last name.
How about Kev's?
Great.
We'll all be Balls.
Pregnant again, V? Congrats.
I'm not pregnant.
We're adopting each other's kids.
Adoptin' kids you already have?
You want to take some of
mine while you're at it?
Did we get the kids the MMR shot?
Isn't that linked to autism?
In Russia, we don't do vaccines.
In winter, we send baby
out to nap in cold.
It gets immune to virus.
So the doctors inject
the babies with a virus
to prevent the virus, but does that mean
that they give 'em a virus
that they didn't already have?
The government did that to black
soldiers with penicillin.
Gave 'em syphilis.
A lot of 'em died.
Government wants to give
our babies syphilis?
My sister gave her kid that shot.
Now he just hides in
the corner and hums
Vaccines are the greatest
medical invention
of all time.
No polio, no smallpox, no measles.
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