- No, fiona is not going to freak out, Because fiona is not going to know.
You're a man now, carl.
The cancer makes you a man.
And as a man, it's your job To keep secrets from the women who love you.
- Jeez, I'm gonna look like a penis.
I'll get you a hat.
I'll get you a hat.
- Yes? - Hi.
Uh, how you doing? I'm-- I'm lip, uh, short for phillip.
I- I just live right over on 64th.
I'm gonna be a sophomore next year at lincoln.
Um, I was walking by your yard, And it looks pretty overgrown.
I was wondering, um Can I trim your hedges? Like, five bucks an hour? may I trim your hedges? Oh, right, yeah, sorry.
Um, may I trim your hedges? Yeah.
Yeah, it's good.
It's good.
We're good.
- No! - No, we're just taking fake wedding pictures for the I.
N.
S.
No one's gonna see you in that dress.
The I.
N.
S.
Will see me! And if I look like cow, they will know it fake! And I will get deported And you will go to prison.
- She's your wife.
- No.
- You married her before god, no? - No, I married her before her father, Who had a gun pointed at my nuts.
It's different, somehow.
Buy something.
I- I don't get it.
- Take the cup out of the trash.
Oh, the stuff's in it! Just get out.
You need whatever brain cells you got left.
- Why you got to mess with my business, man? - Why you got to do your business in my store? - It's not your store.
It's towelhead's store.
- Whatever-- get smarter customers, 'cause I'm not going down for this shit.
Oh, okay.
So, uh, what you going down for, then, huh? - Hey, did you really fuck angie zahgo today? - Yeah, I fucked angie.
Everybody fucks angie.
You don't fuck angie? No.
- Huh.
You want to fuck angie? I can call her, get her down here.
No.
- come on and work for the lord come on and work for the lord - come on and work for the lord Hey.
ow! - Who are you? - Kyle.
What's your business here? - I may or may not be related to your neighbor kevin.
Oh.
Okay.
Sorry.
I'm debbie gallagher.
- Any idea where I can get a smoke? in the garden of eden adam-- he said to eve "girl, get away from that tree "or the lord might punish me that's just what I have to believe" Finished already? - Yeah, not quite.
Um, I'm just-- I'm really hot.
Um, could I bother you for something to drink? A juice box? Yes, please.
Uh Just wait here.
- you know it ain't no chore when you're working, working for the lord Hi.
- Uh, I-I told you to wait out there.
- Yeah, so sorry.
I just, um-- I wondered if I could bother you for a sandwich too? You know, I ain't had lunch.
You haven't had lunch.
"ain't" isn't a word, phillip.
Right.
Hey, um, are you a teacher? I- I used to be.
- Oh, I bet you were a good one.
what kind of sandwich? P.
B.
And "j"? With the crust cut off? Yes, please.
- And you should've heard her going on and on About kev's cologne and old man johnson, or some shit-- Anything she could talk about that I wouldn't know about.
- He's right in there.
You know what you're doing? - Do I know how to make a man ask me for a hummer? Wait here.
- Mm, he was born March 2001.
Weren't we together? - No, remember? We split up that year.
Got back together after 9/11.
Why did we break up, again? Oh, yeah.
You tried to run me over with your car.
- Yeah, I don't remember that being funny.
It was fucking scary.
- Well, as it turns out, it was the pregnancy hormones.
You were knocked up.
So he is mine? I don't know, kev.
We were off and on that year.
There were other guys.
When you left me, I didn't think I could raise him on my own.
So I gave him to my sister crystal, 'cause she always wanted a kid.
Now she's going through some shit, Needed me to take him.
And we thought it was time you knew the truth.
You thought it was time? You didn't think it might have been time At any other point in the 12 years This kid's been alive? - I'm really sorry, kev.
- You're sorry? You left me! - If there was a chance that he could've been mine, You should've told me about him.
- And did I tell you she called her coffee "kevy-caf"? Like a pet name, like they have Some secret language that I don't speak.
- V, what happened? - Oh.
Corn dogs, cream cheese, I got it all on tape.
He's nasty.
- Right? - Go.
He's waitin' on you.
- I want day shifts, home by 6:00.
Couldn't help but notice your wedding ring, bobby.
You want your wife to see this tape? Fine.
Days.
Just fill this out.
- And we'll be taking some veal cutlets For our troubles-- Actual veal cutlets, None of your skanky deli meats.
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