- Cats aren't human.
- Anything living.
Promise.
- Promise.
Can you teach me the different hand grips? - Sure.
- Thanks.
- Hold on, now.
- 12 weeks pregnant! - Veronica, I promise.
I swear I had no idea.
Ladies, please.
Hey, v, come on, that's not right.
Although, hey, I should probably record this In case we want to upload it to our site, Make some money, just watch her belly if you're gonna hit her.
- Just trying to keep the peace, baby.
- Honey, I promise, I didn't know! Please, you always know.
You're like a walking pee stick! - Yeah, in the past, but this time-- There is no "this time.
" You kept quiet 'cause you wanted to keep fucking my husband! What the fuck are you looking at, huh? My husband fucked my mother to get pregnant.
Sorry we can't all have our baby the normal way! Hey, what can I say? Once you go white, you always stay tight.
Hey, I think I just insulted myself.
- Mom, admit it.
- Okay.
Okay, I thought I might be pregnant! - Oh, my god.
- No, but, honey.
Look, I didn't know.
I didn't take a test or anything.
I didn't want to know.
- What? Why? - Because I liked what we had.
- Thank you.
- Excuse me? - No, not what we, me and kev had, what we all had.
- What are you talking about? - Been feeling so lonely lately.
And when you called me to help out, It made me feel wanted-- Wanted in a loving way, in a family way, Needed, important.
hey, I'm your baby fetus.
Please don't fight anymore.
I know kev is a big, hot stud, And you couldn't resist his giant cock penis.
But I'm all that matters now, right? - what does it take to get a refill around here? - Jacket and tie would probably help.
- This is nice.
We don't spend enough time together.
- No, we don't spend any time together.
Exactly my point.
You know, son, you can always come to me.
Thanks, dad.
- I worry about you.
- Is that right? - A parent's plight never goes away, No matter how old your kid gets.
Look at you, A high school graduate.
Where the fuck is that waiter? - Don't go getting misty-eyed on me now.
Need any words of fatherly advice? - No, I think I got it covered.
- Oh, come on, come on! What's on your mind? - Okay, why not? Day couldn't get any weirder.
Um, I'm done with school.
I have no idea what I'm gonna do Today or tomorrow Or for the rest of my life.
So no plans? No.
- Good for you.
You're just like me.
We March to the beat of a different drummer.
Everyone will try to cage you in, Tell you you have to worry about your future.
You know what your future should be? This-- living life to the fullest, Every day like it's your last.
This place is single-handedly lowering my tolerance.
Let's hit the liquor store.
- Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, um, you really think They deserve your hard-earned money for that service? - Dine and dash? - Bite and bolt.
- Eat it and beat it? - I'll take the front door.
- Excuse me, amigo, uh, bano? Gracias.
- Excuse me, I gotta take this call.
Can we see a dessert menu? - Of course.
- Hey, fiona, missed you at lunch.
- What are all these people doing outside mike's office? - Job applicants.
- Thanks so much, man, okay? We'll talk to you later this week.
You bet.
- Hi.
Uh, sorry.
Can I talk to you for a second? Yeah, uh, sure.
- There's a job opening up? - Yeah.
Rick from sales is moving to our columbus office.
Well, I want it.
- No, I need somebody with experience.
This is about our night in the tent.
- I can assure you it is not.
- But I've been here for months.
My temp position's ending, and I'm ready.
- I would love to keep you around, But uncle matt's not gonna let me hire someone Who doesn't have a proven track record, Which all those people out there do, okay? Listen, if you had one sale on the books, This would be a different conversation.
- I've pushed cocktails, that's sales.
- Wait, weren't you moving to michigan? I mean, you wanted to work in our ann arbor office.
- And I convinced all those customers You thought you lost to re-up.
- You got them on the hook, but it was the sales department That closed the deals.
Hey.
You've been a great asset to this company.
I'm really sorry.
- I remember the first time I brought you here.
- Fuck you! You never took me skating.
- Always took you skating, to the park, to the zoo.
You tried to make off with a tortoise.
That was you.
- Huh.
Good market in endangered species.
- That's 'cause it's illegal, frank.
Bleeding heart eco-fascist.
- It's called survival of the fittest for a reason.
You don't want to be endangered, speed the fuck up! grow some opposable thumbs! Otherwise you end up on ebay for 10 grand, As darwin intended.
Uh-oh! all right.
- More for a rhino.
- What? - Horn.
Pay a king's ransom in asia.
Grind it into powder.
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