8. Morty's Mind Blowers (第3季)【完整台词】

Morty, hurry! Return the Truth Tortoise! Morty, whatever you do, don't drop the Truth Tortoise! Also really important, whatever you do, don't look into its eyes! I I did look at it, Rick! I've been looking at it! Now you're gonna know everything, Morty! Good job! Way to go! You [BLEEP] everything up! It's in my head! Ah! Oh, geez, I I can't get that Truth Tortoise out of my head.

Yeah, I told you not to look into its eyes.

Hey, Morty, let's watch some interdimensional cable.

Remember how we used to do that? Rick, I can't I can't go on.

I-I can't go on like this with the Truth Tortoise shit in my head.

I-I wish you could just Erase the memory from your mind? How did you know I was gonna say that? Come on, Morty, come with me.

After you.

What the hell is this?! This, Morty, is my archive of all the experiences you've begged me to remove from your life, lest you go insane.

I call them Morty's Mind Blowers.

And we'll be doing this instead of interdimensional cable.

How long have I been asking you to remove memories? Since the first time your mind was blown.

Ahh, here it is.

Classic.

There's no dust on it because this isn't the first time we've done this.

- What?! - I call this one "Moonspiracy"! Huh, wow.

That's incredible.

What the heck? Morty, do you realize how ridiculous that sounds? Yeah, pretty crazy story, Morty.

Are you serious? Half the crap we've seen, and you think that sounds crazy? I've been to 300 versions of Earth's moon, including this one, and I've never seen signs of a "regular dude," as you describe him, hanging out up there.

It's probably just a smudge on the lens.

Smudge on the lens? Smudge on the lens?! I know the difference between a man threatening me and a smudge on the goddamn lens, Summer! Morty, calm down! Are you feeling okay? I'm fine! So sensitive.

Kids, I'd like to introduce you all to our new guidance counselor, Mr.

Lunas.

I look forward to helping guide you all towards a brighter future.

I believe every student should shoot for the moon.

Got you now, you son of a bitch.

What's this? Proof that Mr.

Lunas isn't who he says he is! He's not a guidance counselor? I I assume he's qualified to be one, who isn't? But he also lives on the moon.

Okay.

Hmm.

Is that it? Is he doing anything to hurt anyone? Oh, he's up to something.

I think I understand.

"Up to something," "lives on the moon.

" Okay, I'll talk to him.

What did he say? Denied the moon stuff, but that's what pedophiles do, they deny, it's their bread and butter.

Pedophile? You don't think so? I thought the moon thing might have been code.

No, he's literally from the moon! Well, you saw him react.

Moon or not, that dude likes 'em young.

Gordon Lunas was a good Marine.

We don't know what drove him to take his own life, but we want to remember the good things.

Like how, from a certain angle, some people would say he looked like a smudge.

Oh, my God, what have I done? What have I done? Jesus, I made that guy kill himself! Only in a literal sense.

Here's one I call "Morty's Menagerie.

" They don't all have titles, though.

It's not a "Simpsons" Halloween special, more like a clip show made of clips you never saw! I can't believe we got put into a menagerie.

So this guy collects living beings? Yeah, you know like commemorative plates, but less off-putting.

You'll get it when you're still actively dating in your 40s.

Assess this with cold indifference, you beany-headed prick! Hey, keep it down! Just our luck, menagerie beneath the "boulder people" of Granitor Seven.

I can't take it anymore, Rick! Relax, Morty! I can't relax! R-R-Rick, we We gotta get outta here! I don't care what it takes! Anything! - Anything? - Anything! All right, well, you're gonna have to take off your shirt.

Not yet.

I'll tell you when.

Dear God.

What? The signal turned out to be There's no other way to put it Instructions.

For? A vehicle, sir, an interstellar vehicle.

We'll need a pilot.

I wonder if there's a volunteer.

Mm.

Oh, the schematics specify a second, smaller pilot.

I mean, they really specify smaller.

They have to be exactly 5'3".

Chang, you may have majored in Liberal Arts, but I think you're about to make history.

Primary systems, check.

Auxiliary systems, check.

See you soon.

Okay, now.

Greetings.

You're You look We've possessed forms your mind can accept.

Here are some customary clothing gifts.

Please, put them on.

- May we? - Of course, yes.

We followed your instructions.

We have so much to learn from you.

I know, right? Hey, how come I was able to see those other people's memories? I I wouldn't have been around for that.

Yeah, sometimes I gotta do a little editing, Morty.

It helps the mind blowers play a little bit better upon revisiting.

I call this one "The Whole Enchilada.

" Here, Morty, this'll make your urine drinkable.

Now can we keep shopping? I am Zikzak.

Ah, shit, Morty, get behind me.

It's a [BLEEP] alien overlord! It's okay.

Here.

Oh, I misjudged.

"I am Floop Floopian.

Please kill me.

" That's right, Morty.

The Floop Floopians achieve an eternal orgasmic afterlife, so long as they're killed by a great warrior.

I'm flattered, by the way.

Thank you very much.

So you're gonna kill him? Eh, let's get some lunch first.

So, you want to get shot in the head, or Well, as long as the wound is fatal, I don't really mind where you shoot me.

Cool.

I'm gonna go take a quick shit.

Well, I gotta say.

You know, I'm a little envious.

Your species has an actual afterlife.

That's gotta be nice.

Wh-What do you mean? Well, you know, here on Earth, w-we don't know what's going on.

It must be nice for you guys to, you know, have that Have that proof's in the pudding, you know, evidence.

Evidence? There's supposed to be evidence? Um, yeah, uh otherwise, how do you know if it's true? Wait, you don't All right, so you want to do this here or outside? Run! I don't wanna die! Oh, God, it's all real! Oh, it hurts! Oh, I shouldn't have doubted it! I shouldn't have let you make me doubt it! Aah! I blame you, I blame you! But he said there wasn't any evidence! That was a ton of evidence! Well, silver lining.

Now I know their religion's real.

They have a hell, and it does not look good.