3. Pickle Rick (第3季)【完整台词】

Jaguar was an animal.

You're an intelligent pickle.

We can do business.

I don't think so.

See you soon.

- Is the helicopter here? - Yes.

And the police are on the way.

What do we tell them? Ooh! Aah! Tell them we were robbed.

Hey! Hey, what are you doing?! I'm right here! Farewell, Solen'ya.

F-15s are scrambled.

This helicopter will be shot down in seven minutes.

Well, my daughter is about five away, and I've got about eight to live.

Pickle Man, it's too late for me to tell my daughter I love her, but not for you.

Oh, well, uh, she knows.

I mean, we don't really buy into that kind of crap, to the extent that love is an expression of familiarity over time, my access to infinite timelines precludes the necessity of attachment.

In fact, I even abandoned one of my infinite daughters in an alternate version of earth that was taken over by mutants.

Okay.

Good luck with that.

Wait.

Do I have infinite daughters? Huh? Uh, no.

No, nope, sorry about that.

Nope, just me.

Yeesh! I am afraid that my kids will get expelled.

Good.

Summer, you go.

I am mad that I can't huff enamel without people assuming it's because my family sucks.

I hope to be seen one day as someone that just likes getting high.

Good job.

Morty, do you have an "I" statement? I am sad that I peed.

I'm sad that I peed in class instead of a toilet.

Look at this family go.

You guys are pros.

What do you guys think about doing this once a week? Ugh.

You must be Rick.

Mm-hmm.

I've heard a lot about you today.

Your family is crazy about you.

Your daughter holds you in very high regard.

You're a lucky fella.

Yeah, thank you.

Uh, sweetie, you don't still happen to have that syringe in your purse? Dad I would like you to tell me what's in the syringe.

It's a serum that I need to, uh, to stay alive.

I have had a rough day.

And, uh, I've sustained a lot of damage.

I'm pretty close to death, which the serum will prevent.

By changing you from a pickle to a human.

Yes.

Rick, why did you lie to your daughter? So I wouldn't have to come here.

Why didn't you want to come here? Because I don't respect therapy, because I'm a scientist.

Because I invent, transform, create, and destroy for a living, and when I don't like something about the world, I change it.

And I don't think going to a rented office in a strip mall to listen to some agent of averageness explain which words mean which feelings has ever helped anyone do anything.

I think it's helped a lot of people get comfortable and stop panicking, which is a state of mind we value in the animals we eat, but not something I want for myself.

I'm not a cow.

I'm a pickle When I feel like it.

So you asked.

Rick, the only connection between your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness destroying your family is that everyone in your family, you included, use intelligence to justify sickness.

You seem to alternate between viewing your own mind as an unstoppable force and as an inescapable curse.

And I think it's because the only truly unapproachable concept for you is that it's your mind within your control.

You chose to come here, you chose to talk to belittle my vocation, just as you chose to become a pickle.

You are the master of your universe, and yet you are dripping with rat blood and feces.

Your enormous mind literally vegetating by your own hand.

I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy, the same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my ass.

Because the thing about repairing, maintaining, and cleaning is it's not an adventure.

There's no way to do it so wrong you might die.

It's just work.

And the bottom line is, some people are okay going to work, and some people well, some people would rather die.

Each of us gets to choose.

That's our time.

I'm going to give you guys my card and hope to hear from you again.

And if you have any friends or family that eat poop and would like to stop, give them my number.

I, um I'm sorry I lied to get out of the thing.

I I shouldn't lie to you.

Oh, it's fine.

I mean, thank you, and, yeah, you shouldn't.

But I hope you know that's not what that session was supposed to be.

Oh, no, I mean, I know it was Morty peeing his pants and Summer snorting glue or whatever She huffed enamel, and we never even talked about it.

Well, there was so much more at stake.

I mean, that shrink, what a monologuist.

Are we gonna go back? Sweetie, could I get Get that syringe now? Oh, my God, yes! Dad, it's in my purse.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You must be in agony.

Eh.

Jesus.

Jesus Christ.

Therapists, man.

Weird breed.

Man, I missed having hands and blood and a stomach.

We should get a drink.

Really? Like, go somewhere? Yeah, let's drop the kids off and go tie one on.

Absolutely.

I I liked her.

So what are you thinking, like, Smokey's Tavern? Maybe Shoney's? Yeah, either one.

Either one.

You'll never get away with this, Concerto.

That is where you're mistaken, Mr.

Sanchez.

This shall be my greatest performance of all time! This is it, Morty.

We're goners.

We're not getting out of this one.

After everything we've been through, this is how we're gonna die.