3. Pickle Rick (第3季)【完整台词】

1 Morty?! - Morty! - Rick? - Hey, Morty?! - Rick? Are you far away, or are you inside something? Is this a camera? Is everything a camera? Morty, the garage, Morty.

Come to the garage! Morty? Rick? W-where are you? On my work bench, Morty.

Are you invisible and you're gonna, like, fart on me? Flip the pickle over.

What, I'm gonna touch it, and you're gonna tell me it's an alien dick or something.

Come on, flip the pickle, Morty.

You're not gonna regret it.

The payoff is huge.

I turned myself into a pickle, Morty! Boom! Big reveal I'm a pickle.

What do you think about that? I turned myself into a pickle! W-what are you just staring at me for, bro.

I turned myself into a pickle, Morty! And? And? What more do you want tacked on to this? I turned myself into a pickle, and 9/11 was an inside job.

Was it? Who cares, Morty? Global acts of terrorism happen every day.

Uh, here's something that's never happened before I'm a pickle.

I'm Pickle Rick! Are you going to, I mean, you know, is this the first part of some magic trick? I don't do magic, Morty, I do science.

One takes brains, the other takes dark eye liner.

Well, can you move? Can you fly? I wouldn't be much of a pickle if I could.

All right, well, do pickles live forever or Morty, stop digging for hidden layers and just be impressed.

I'm a pickle.

I-I'm just trying to figure out why you would do this Why anyone would do this.

The reason anyone would do this is, if they could, which they can't, would be because they could, which they can't.

Morty, we have to get going, or we're gonna be late.

Where's your grandpa? Right here, sweetie.

I'm a pickle! What?! Why would you ugh! Look, we're running late.

We have to go.

Where are you guys going? We have an appointment downtown that was set a week ago and agreed upon by everyone, including you.

Oh, my God.

Beth, oh, it totally slipped my mind.

Geez, oh, man.

I'm a pickle.

I mean, I don't know if I can ooh, geez.

Rick, did you do this on purpose to get out of family counseling? - Morty! - It's okay, Beth.

I understand Morty's suspicion.

I've misled him before.

Morty, turn me so we're making eye contact.

Morty, I assure you, I would never find a way to get out of family therapy.

I hope my lack of fingers doesn't prevent the perception of my air quotes.

Can't you just turn yourself back into a human? Great question, Summer.

The unfortunate answer is I did this to challenge myself.

And it could take hours or even days before I'm able to figure out how to return to human form.

But, I mean, you know, your mom could put me in a purse or a pocket, you know, if she really needs me to go.

Nobody needs anything.

Okay, it's fine.

I mean, you should just stay here and figure out how to stop being a pickle, okay? Hey, Rick, why is there a syringe of mysterious fluid hanging directly over you? Also, why is the string attached to it running through a pair of scissors attached to a timer? And why is the time set to 10 minutes from now, exactly when we would have left for therapy? Well, Morty, if you know must know, the syringe is completely unrelated to this discussion, and, therefore, it does not warrant further explanation.

Enough.

Kids, it's time to go.

We don't want to be late.

W-w-what are you doing there, Beth? What are you doing there, sweetie? Well, I mean, you don't want to get pierced by a needle full of liquid unrelated to your situation.

How's that gonna help? Can't argue with that.

Great.

We'll see you later.

Hey, hey, be careful with that.

It's for something else.

It's really important, so don't break it.

Okay, I may have [bleep] up here.

Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah.

T-t-tah, tah.

Oh, great.

Stupid cat.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I know what it looks like to you, Izzy, but I'm not a snake! I've seen the YouTube videos, I know cats are scared of cucumbers and pickles because they think they're snakes.

I'm not a snake! I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle! Whoa! Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Oh, crap, that sun is bright.

Okay, come on.

This can't really be the way I go out.

This is the mega-genius equivalent of dying on the toilet.

So hot.

This is how I'm gonna die.

Oh, God, moisture.

Oh, God, the moisture Dial it back, God.

Dial it back a little bit here! Oh! Oh.

Oh, God! Perpendicular, perpendicular! Oh, shit! Oh! Oh! Oh! Come on.

That's it.

Come get this delicious brine.

Aah! Come on! Come on, mother-[bleep]! Come on! Yes! How is this even family therapy if Dad's not invited and Grandpa won't come? Yeah, and what's courageous about eating a hot dog? It's nobody's choice to be here, you knobs.

The family was told to get counseling by your principal, even though it's not the family that was huffing pottery glaze in the art room and desk wetting in history class.

Oh, the Smith family, minus a dad.

You're patients of Dr.

Wong, too? Temporarily By order of the school.

Me too.

How long have you all been eating poop? We have never eaten poop.

Uh, me, neither.

Say, where did my family get off to? Smith family, I'm Dr.

Wong.

Come on in.

I was told there was a grandpa that might be joining us? He got wrapped up in an experiment.

He's a scientist.

Like, legit, like on a an inter-galactic, sci-fi level.

His work is very He turned himself into a pickle.

Morty, Mom's talking.

I'm sorry.

I suppose that's a good segue into our little discipline cases here.

Does Grandpa turn himself into a pickle a lot? What?! No! What kind of question is that? The kind that wasn't designed to attack or hurt you in any way.

Oh, Jesus Christ, one of these.

No, my father has never turned himself into a pickle before.

He's unpredictable and eccentric.

The whole family is.

Speaking of which Okay, let's open things up to the whole family, and let me ask this.

Why do we think Grandpa turned himself into a pickle? Wow.

Ugh! Hey, listen, I know this is your world not mine.

The sooner I can get out, the sooner I can go back to taking big craps, and you can go back to subsisting on them.

You are one driven rat.

Could you be a little more driven? To the right.

Yes, yes, yes! Come on, come on, come on! Fresh, fresh, fresh! Whoa, whoa, whoa, was this your friend? Don't worry, he died doing what he loved, being a dumb rat.