5. Get Schwifty (第2季)【完整台词】

Hey, golf is easy now! Aah! Golf is hard again! Golf is hard again! The view from here is the same as yours, Jim.

A giant head has entered earth's gravity, triggering climate change and natural disasters we thought were impossible for at least another eight years.

Let's not make this political, Terry.

Do we know what this giant head wants? Show me what you got.

Jim, you heard the Said-- "Show me what you got.

" Show me what you got.

I want to see what you got.

Oh, boy.

Time to go, Morty.

Uh, where? The Pentagon.

I mean, not the Pentagon.

The lame one here on earth.

Summer: Is it God? If it's God, do we get out of school? It's not God, Summer.

She's allowed to think it's God if she wants, honey.

- Shut up, Jerry.

- Okay.

Dad, what do you know about this? Morty and I are going to look into it.

You guys hold tight.

Scary stuff, huh? Pretty freaky.

Hi.

I'm Morty's math teacher.

I'm also part of the street team inviting folks to the church downtown so we can pray together.

How is praying going to help? Ma'am, a giant head in the sky is controlling the weather.

Did you want to play checkers? Let's be rational! I'll see you at God's house! Gentlemen, gentlemen! One at a time! Simon? SETI, NORAD, and every broadcaster on the planet are attempting to show this being what humanity's got-- String theory, world history, the human genome-- Have you tried sending it launch codes? Mr.

President, what America's got is 70,000 megatons of kaboom-boom, and I say we show it right up this floating head's ass.

No, you need to let me talk! Shut up! Hold it! Don't move! Stay back! This watch turns people into snakes! Oh! Stand down! Everybody, stand down! I'm the leader of these people, and I'm unarmed.

There's no need for any more snake-makery.

My name is Rick Sanchez.

This here is my grandson, Morty.

- Hi, Morty.

- Hey.

I've seen enough of the galaxy to know what we've got here is a cromulon from the signus five expanse.

So you can forget about nukes, and you can forget about math.

This head won't go away until Earth shows them it's got A hit song.

A hit song? We can't possibly-- - You mean like Vivaldi? - No, Frasier.

A live performance of a newly written, catchy original song.

The cromulon feed on the talent and showmanship of less-evolved life-forms.

All right, all right.

Thank you, Mr.

Sanchez.

Change of plan, people.

Get me Pharrell, Randy Newman, Billy Corgan, and The-Dream.

The-Dream? He wrote "Umbrella" and "Single Ladies"? You people haven't heard of The-Dream? You're gonna want to put them on that giant speaker system at your Sonic testing facility at Area 51.

How do you know about that? For God's sake, Nathan, the man turns people into snakes.

He can use Google Maps.

Sir, Pharrell, Newman, Corgan, and that Dream guy-- - They're all dead.

- What? How is that possible? Do people just die when I name them? The Grammys, sir.

There was an earthquake and all the musicians, all the famous ones they're gone.

Dear God.

Hold on, sir.

Just a minute.

Ice-T survived.

He's inbound on an F-15, E.

T.

A.

two hours.

Good luck, Mr.

President.

Sir, the magnetic poles are about to reverse.

In two hours, there may not be an Earth to save.

Sanchez? Are you a musician? I dabble, Mr.

President.

Get this man and his grandson on a black hawk to Area 51.

People! Everyone! Remain calm! Every crisis of faith is an opportunity for more faith.

When God deals you an 11, you don't fold! You double down! And always hit on a soft 16.

That means you, Jews.

I beg your pardon, pastor, but the last I looked outside, it seems to be you that's been dealt the weak hand.

Jews rule! Nobody? Okay, tough church.

Hi.

Principal Vagina-- The name's real, possibly Scandinavian.

I'm just gonna come out and make this pitch-- The old Gods are dead.

[Bleep] all previous existing religions.

All hail the one true God-- The giant head in the sky.

- Children of God! - Ah-ta-ta-ta! Bob, Bob, I get it.

But unless this can beat that, what have you done for me lately? So, if you'll all excuse me, I'm going out onto the sidewalk, I'm dropping to my knees, and pledging my eternal soul to the thing that literally controls the [bleep] weather.

Out of my way.

Okay.

If sanity's been restored to this assembly, I'd like to talk about the cost of repairing our new organ.

Sally, the plate, please.

Oh! This is my favorite part! - Rick, are you really a musician? - Who's not a musician, Morty? - Me! - Yeah, not with that attitude.

We're in the drop zone! I'm the jumpmaster! My name's Jamey-- With an e-y! Go, go, go! B-but-- But we don't have a song! Giant head in the sky, please forgive all that we've done.

We're sorry for our increased levels of emissions and our racism and, of course, the Amber Alerts I keep ignoring on my phone.

- Whoa! - Whoa! All right, Morty.

Let's get-- let's do it.

Why don't you, uh, find a button on one of those keyboards and lay down some kind of beat? Rick, I think we need to cut our losses.

W-we get our family and portal out of here! Morty, good music comes from people who are relaxed.

Just hit a button, Morty! Give me a beat! Oh, man.

Okay.

All right, um Oh, yeah You gotta get schwifty You gotta get schwifty in here It's time to get schwifty Uh-oh Get "schwifty"? What the hell is that? It's our world's best effort.

That's what.

Take off your pants and your panties Shit on the floor Time to get schwifty in here I'm Mr.

Bulldops "Mr.

Bulldops"? Don't analyze it, Nathan.

It's working! Take a shit on the floor Time to get schwifty in here and third-level donors get our all-access family pass.

Listen! The storm is stopping! Hey, take your pants off It's schwifty time today Hmm.

Please be kind to us, for we are but tiny things with entire bodies, stuck to your ground.

I like what you got! Good job! - Yeah! - Whoo! We did it! What do you know? He was right! - Hooray Principal Vagina! - Yeah, I'll take it.

Now, hold on a second! Let's be rational about this.

No, I'm-- I'm just saying, we don't know there's a cause-effect relationship-- Oh, my God! - What is going on now?! - Whoa! Whoa! What the hell happened? Mr.

President, you're gonna want to see this.