10. The Wedding Squanchers (第2季)【完整台词】

The trick to cereal is keeping 70% above the milk.

Jerry, get a job.

Uh, w-why don't you get it, Jerry? You're the man of the house, and you don't have a job.

Delivery for Rick.

Morning, Summer, Beth, and Jerry.

Gross.

What is that thing? It's a courier flap.

It's like the intergalactic version of u.

P.

S.

, but less off-putting.

Oh, shiiit! It looks like an egg-vite from birdperson.

Must be time for his annual Oscar party.

And, by the way, our TV signals take light years to reach his planet.

Nobody tell him that "braveheart" wins.

Greetings.

This is birdperson.

And Tammy! Inviting you to planet squanch for our mate-melding ceremony blugh! If you're from earth, that means we're getting married! Oh, my God! My friend Tammy's marrying birdperson! What the hell is a birdperson? He's Rick's best friend.

Uh, l-let's not get carried away, Morty.

Would you like to rsvp or send a gift? No.

Weddings are basically funerals with cake.

If I wanted to watch someone throw their life away, I'd hang out with Jerry all day.

Affirmative! Returning to sender.

No, hold on, stay, courier flaps.

Staying! Dad, you have a friend that's getting married.

That's a big deal.

It's a big deal he has a friend.

What do you know about friendship, Jerry? Confirmed, shipping Jerry.

Whoa, whoa, wait! Aah! Oh, God! Jerry! Dad! Dad! Where is it taking him? I assume planet squanch Whoa, t-that's that's insane! Yeah, I know.

Now we have to go to the wedding.

* Rick Sanchez! You psycho bag of squanch! Hey, what's up, squanchy? Summer and Morty: Hey, squanchy.

Morty, Summer! And you must be Beth.

Mwah! Ensquanche! You're language has the word "squanch" in it a lot.

Doesn't that become tedious and worn out, like the smurf thing? Beth, squanchy culture is more contextual than literal.

You just say what's in your squanch and people understand.

Oh.

Okay.

I squanch my family.

Uh What, I do.

I squanch my family.

Stop saying it.

Gross.

Come on in, guys.

The guest are having cocksquanches.

Where am I?! You're at a wedding.

Go change.

* And I'm an alien with jazz rap style * * Jazz rapping for an alien mile * * Fat beats and an alien smile * jazz space phone, alien dial is my friend * * I got a mouthful of jazz for your ass * * And I'm gonna keep jazzing Oh, you made it! I wouldn't it for the world! Oh, my God.

I love your ring.

Thanks.

It was birdperson's grandmother's.

She fought a squirrel for it.

Birdperson.

Rick, I am pleased you and your family could witness my melding with Tammy.

Our pleasure.

Yeah, I just hope you got a pre-meld.

Rick! What?! It's just a practical way of making sure that when she's done with you, you can get one of your balls back.

Jesus, dad.

He's just grumpy from the flight.

Ohh, I-I was happy on the flight.

I'm grumpy from the landing.

Well, I looked at the guest book.

We don't know a damn person here.

Hi! Jerry Smith father of the bride's friend.

Advertising is my usual game, but I'm between Jerry, stop networking.

We're in space.

"Jerry, get a job! Jerry, don't look for a job at an alien wedding!" I don't get you.

This is the closest I've ever gotten to this part of my father's life.

I don't want to blow it.

Okay, I get it.

I'm cramping your style.

You say you get it, but I'm scared you'll keep doing it.

Look, here's some humans you can practice on.

You must be Summer's mom and dad.

We're Tammy's parents pat and Donna guterman.

Hi.

Beth.

This is Jerry.

So you're teenage daughter's marrying a birdman.

Are you guys down with that? No pun intended.

We're quite proud.

He's a wonderful person and an incredible bird.

Still, what is he, 40? It's just, you know, when he was 30, she was an actual child.

When he was her age, she wasn't born.

When he was, let's see, like, 18, she was literally in there in your womb.

Imagine being pregnant with your daughter and a bird teenager comes into your home and says, "I'll take that.

I'll have sex with that.

" Give us one second.

Oof! Were you born with your feet in your mouth? I was transported here against my will in a meatball, all right? So take your attitude to the men's section of kmart, 'cause you need to cut me some slack S.

I want you to stand in the corner and face the corner and talk to nobody.

Maybe I Will.

You know, you're not being very supportive of birdperson on his big day.

Birdperson's big day, Morty, was at blood Ridge on glapflap's third moon against the gromflamites! This? This is a losing battle.

Geez, Rick, it's not like he's dying.

He's getting married! I mean, what do you think's gonna happen if you open yourself up a little bit? I mean, look around.

This is your family and friends all around you, you know? Take the day off.

There's nothing to run from, nothing to fight.

That's his last name.

Are you hyphenating it? Squanch this, mo-fo.

Good one, Morty.

Excuse me, bartender.