9. Something Ricked This Way Comes (第1季)【完整台词】

Hey, Rick.

I have to make a project for the science fair this weekend.

- You think you could help me out? - Whatever.

Well, I mean, traditionally, science fairs are a father-son thing.

Well, scientifically, traditions are an idiot thing.

Morty, I think it would be fun for you to work on a science project with your dad.

Uh Yeah, dad.

Why don't we do it together? Yes! You backed the right horse on this one, son.

We'll get out the crayons, brew some coffee, and knock this thing out in two or three days.

- What is my purpose? - Pass the butter.

Thank you.

Dad, I need a ride to work.

Maybe Rick can give you a ride.

I'm helping Morty with science.

I'm busy.

Doing what? Uh, anything else.

- What is my purpose? - You pass butter.

Oh, my god.

Yeah, welcome to the club, pal.

Corrections by XhmikosR - Since when do you have a job? - Since last week.

It's part-time at this little vintage thrift store.

My boss is this really smart, eccentric old man that treats me nice and values me.

Meow.

Can't wait to meet this fascinating character.

Please don't.

Oh.

Well, when did this stop being Jamba Juice? I've just recently opened for business, mister, um, Goldenfold.

You know my name? That's disarming.

I also know you long for female company.

You know, it has been lonely since the divorce.

Some voids can't be filled with Jamba Juice.

This aftershave makes a man quite irresistible to women.

Free of charge.

One never pays here-- not with money.

Nothing to read into there.

Thanks! Sorry I'm late, mr.

Needful.

This is my grandpa, Rick.

He was just leaving.

Huh.

Tell me, Rick, what do you desire? Eh, I make my own stuff.

So, what are you-- like, the devil? - What? Sorry? - I don't know.

Store comes out of nowhere, all the shit's old and creepy.

Are you the devil? A demon? - Leprechaun? - Grandpa Rick! Hey, I'm not judging.

Just like shoot straight.

I'm a man of science.

Ah, then perhaps you could make use of this.

This microscope reveals things beyond comprehension.

Grandpa, go home and drink.

Why don't we do a model of the solar system? That's what my dad did with me when I was your age.

Oh, okay.

You know, Rick's in his lab, making cyborgs and wormholes and all that weird stuff, but this is real science.

A man and his boy, making planets.

Hey, how about we use a ping-pong ball for Pluto? And then Jupiter -- Uh, actually, I don't think Pluto's a planet.

Of course Pluto's a planet, son.

I learned that in the third grade.

Well, yeah, but you know they changed it.

Morty, nobody changed the planets.

I just googled it.

Pluto's not a planet.

They changed it in 2006.

Yeah, I heard about that, Morty.

- And I disagree.

- You disagree? That's right.

It's possible to disagree in science, Morty.

Pluto was a planet.

Some committee of fancy assholes disagree.

I disagree back.

Give me a ping-pong ball.

Um, okay.

I-I just have to Go find Rick and go over my head about Pluto? No.

Geez, I just got to go to the bathroom.

Damn.

Oh.

Okay, good.

This is gonna be fun.

Hey, Morty, let me ask you a question real quick.

Does evil exist, and if so, can one detect and measure it? Um Rhetorical question, Morty.

The answer's "yes, you just have to be a genius".

Cute.

Your sister's boss gave me a microscope that would have made me retarded.

Ooh.

Oh, boy, Rick.

I'm don't think you're allowed to say that word, you know? Morty, I'm not disparaging the differently abled.

I'm stating the fact that if I had used this microscope, it would have made me mentally retarded.

Okay, yeah, but I don't think it's about logic, Rick.

I think the word has just become a symbolic issue for powerful groups that feel like they're doing the right thing.

Well, that's retarded.

What are you guys talking about? Apparently, nothing.

You asked him if Pluto's a planet, didn't you? - No! - It's not.

- Shut up, Rick.

- Whoa.

I don't care what anyone says.

If it can be a planet, it can be a planet again.

Planet.

Planet, planet, planet.

Stay scientific, Jerry.

This aftershave made women want me, but it also made me impotent! A price for everything, mr.

Goldenfold.

A price for everything.