Principal vagina here.
Don't let the name fool you.
I'm very much in charge reminding you that tonight is our annual flu season dance.
I don't know how many times I have to say this, but if you have the flu, stay home.
Hey.
The flu season dance is about awareness, not celebration.
You don't bring dead babies to passover.
Okay.
Here we go.
Hey, Jessica.
Uh What's up, Morty? What are you doing? Um Wait, wait.
Were you about to talk to her? Well I mean, I was thinking about it.
Dude, stay in your league.
Look at how hot she is.
You don't see me going to a bigger school in a wealthier district and hitting on their prettiest girl.
Gee, thanks, Brad.
I throw balls far.
You want good words? Date a languager.
Try not to worry about it, Morty.
You're a good kid, and there's not a premium on that right now, but you'll be getting girls sometime after Brad's out of shape.
You're missing the point, dad.
I don't want girls.
I want Jessica.
Ah, well, I remember feeling that way about a young lady named "your mom," and that's not an urban diss.
Your mom was my Jessica.
I remember the first time I saw her.
I thought, "I should get her pregnant, and then she'll have to marry me.
" I beg your pardon, Rick.
Inappropriate.
Sorry, please proceed with your story about banging my daughter in high school.
I'm not sure you want to take romantic advice from this guy, Morty.
His marriage is hanging from a thread.
My marriage is fine, thank you.
Jerry, it's your house whatever you say it is is how it is but I think a blind man could see that Beth is looking for the door.
I barely have a reason to care, and even inoticed.
Come on, Rick! Don't talk about my parents like that.
Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people call "love" is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed.
It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage.
I did it.
Your parents are gonna do it.
Break the cycle, Morty.
Rise above.
Focus on science.
All right, well, I'm gonna go get dressed for the dance.
Yeah, I'm just going to check on your mom.
Morty, hand me that screwdriver, huh? I'm almost finished making my ionic defibulizer, Morty.
It's gonna be great.
Hey, listen, Rick.
You know how you said that, you know, love is a chemical and all that stuff from earlier? Well, I was thinking, you know, could you make some sort of chemical thing happen inside of Jessica's mind, you know, so where she falls in love with me and all that sort of thing? You know, like, maybe make some sort of love potion or something? Morty, that's such a poor use of my time.
It's beneath me.
Hand me the screwdriver.
You know what? No, Rick! I'm not gonna hand you the screwdriver.
I'm not gonna hand you anything ever again, Rick! I'm always helping you with this and that and the other thing.
What about me, Rick? Why can't you just help me out once once for once? You're growing up fast, Morty.
You're growing into a real big thorn straight up into my ass.
Listen, this is called oxytocin.
I extracted it from a vole.
Do you know what a vole is, Morty? You know what a vole is? It's a it's a rodent that mates for life, Morty.
This is the chemical released in a mammal's brain, you know, that makes it fall in love.
All right, Morty, I just got to combine it with some of your DNA.
Oh, well, okay.
A hair, Morty.
I need one of your hairs.
- This isn't "game of thrones.
" - Ow! All right, Morty.
Whoever you smear this stuff on will fall in love with you, and only you, forever.
- Are you happy now, Morty? - Heck, yeah! Thank you, grandpa Rick.
Hey, there's no dangers or anything, or side effects, right? What am I, a hack? Go nuts, Morty.
It's foolproof.
Eh, unless she has the flu.
- Beth, do you still love me? - Ugh, what kind of question is that? The "yes or no" kind? Jerry, do you want homeless people to have homes? - Yes.
- Are you gonna build them? - No.
- Then what good was the "yes"? Wait, is loving me the house or the homeless people? Loving you is work, Jerry hard work, like building a homeless shelter nobody wants to say no to doing it, but some people put the work in.
So, what do you say? Do you see me working here? Does this conversation seem tedious to me? Sort of.
Then I obviously sort of love you, don't I? So stop asking, and maybe I'll love you more.
Crap, they need me at the horse hospital.
This late? The racetrack had a starlight derby.
There was a seven-horse collision, and Davin's there alone.
Davin.
Davin! Davin.
Davin! Davin! Davin! Davin! Flu, yo you got to be aware aware of all the flu up in the air I'm-a get me a shot and make the flu go away flu-hating rapper just rapping away yo, yo, flu-hating rapper it's a flu-hating rapper Hey, there, Jessica.
Whoa! Oh, whoopsie! Oh, my God.
Morty.
You look really nice tonight.
Wow, thanks.
I love you, Morty! I love you so much it burns! Oh, man! I love you too, Jessica! Is this punk bothering you, Jessica? Leave him alone, jerk! I'm in love with him! He is more man than you will ever be! This is about flu awareness got to be aware of the flu in the air-ness yo, I'm a flu-hating rapper Oh, man, Morty.
I'm really sorry.
Oh, well, no problem, Brad.
There's something special about you, Morty so special.
- Mmm, yeah.
- Whoa, take it easy! Get your hands off of him! - Back off! - I'm trying to be with my man! That's enough, Bradley! We don't want you injuring your ball-throwing arm.
Oh, come on, principal Vagina.
Never leave me, Morty.
Never! Uh, sure.
I mean, of course not.
What do you think that was all about? Who cares? Just hold me.
Let me go! I love you, Morty! Let go of me! Morty! She's gonna be alone with that guy all night.
Yeah, dad, digging around the insides of horses.
It's not a very romantic setting.
Well, Summer, there's always the possibility that she made the whole work thing up.
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