5. Meeseeks and Destroy (第1季)【完整台词】

Run! Morty, do it! Hit the button now! I can't do it, Rick! They're my parents and sister! Morty, I already told you it's not your family! They're clones from an alternate reality, possessed by demonic alien spirits from another dimension's future! Do you need a mnemonic device or something? Just hit the button, already! Morty, please, I love you, sweetheart.

Oh! Good work, Morty.

You know, these demonic alien spirits are really valuable.

You okay, Morty? I told you not to trust that tuna.

I just killed my family! I don't care what they were.

I don't know, Morty.

Some people'd pay top dollar for that kind of breakthrough.

You know what, Rick? That's it! I'm done with these insane adventures! That was really traumatizing! - I quit! I'm out! - Whoa, whoa, whoa! Come on, Morty, don't be like that.

The universe is a crazy, chaotic place.

You're the one that's crazy and chaotic! Adventures are supposed to be simple and fun.

Oh, yeah, Morty, yeah.

Yeah, that that that's real easy to say from the sidekick position.

But but, uh, how about next time you be in charge, and then we'll talk about how simple and fun it is? Seriously, Rick? You'll you'll let me call the shots? Okay, yeah, fine.

But let's make it interesting, Morty.

If your adventure sucks and we bail halfway through it, you lose the right to bitch about all future adventures.

Plus, you have to do my laundry for a month.

Okay, all right, tough guy! But if my adventure's good I get to be in charge of every third adventure! - Every 10th.

- Deal.

All right.

Well, come on, let's get going.

Dad, the dishwasher's doing that thing again.

- Washing dishes? - No.

The opposite.

Can you fix it? Grandpa Rick, can you help me with my science homework? - Yeah just don't do it.

- Grandpa! Hey, Rick, you got some kind of hand-shaped device that can open this mayonnaise jar? Wow.

Hat trick.

All right, Morty, let's put a pin in this.

I got to help your pathetic family.

Oh, that sounds like something a chicken would say.

Bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk.

Oh, Morty, you done did it this time.

It's on.

I can't wait to watch your adventure lay a huge fart.

As for you dingdongs This is a Meeseeks box.

Let me show you how it works.

You press this.

I'm Mr.

Meeseeks! Look at me! You make a request.

Mr.

Meeseeks, open Jerry's stupid mayonnaise jar.

Yes, siree! The Meeseeks fulfills the request.

- All done! - Wow! And then it stops existing.

- Oh, my God, he exploded! - Trust me, they're fine with it.

Knock yourselves out just keep your requests simple.

They're not gods.

All right! Get out of here now! Everybody out of here! I got a bet to win! - So many possibilities.

- My mind is racing.

If we're gonna use this thing, which I'm not even sure we should, we need to keep it simple.

- I'm Mr.

Meeseeks! - I want to be popular at school! - Ooh, okay! - Summer, what did I just- Ooh, I'm Mr.

Meeseeks! Look at me! I want I want to be a more complete woman! - Beth! - Oh, yeah! Yes, ma'am! You guys are doing it wrong.

He said "simple.

" Hey, there.

I'm Mr.

Meeseeks! Mr.

Meeseeks, I would like to take two strokes off my golf game.

Ooh, yeah! Can do! Nailed it.

God, Morty, what a boring start to an adventure.

Why didn't we just go to Kentucky? Rick, this is a fantasy-type world with creatures and all sorts of fantasy things.

- We're going on a quest, okay? - Can't wait.

Ahem.

Excuse me! We are two humble heroes in search of adventure! Oh, my God, so embarrassing.

At last! Two heroes! You must help us! This village is terribly poor, yet the giant that lives in the clouds above has untold treasures! You know what? I accept your call to adventure, good sir, kind sir.

Come on, Rick.

- There's a giant in the clouds! - Yeah.

Beginner's luck.

In conclusion, a friendship with Summer Smith is the most valuable and enriching experience of your young lives.

I'm Mr.

Meeseeks! Look at me! Thank you! Uh, Mr.

Meeseeks, was it? Yeah.

Gene Vagina.

Listen, I'm in a bit of custody thing with my ex and was wondering- No, I'll get your info from Summer.

I got pregnant at 17.

I mean, I still put myself through veterinary school.

Yes, I'm successful, but what if I hadn't I'm just saying, somewhere along the way, I lost that wide-eyed girl from muskegon.

She's still there, Beth.

Well, her waistline isn't.

Beth, having a family doesn't mean that you stop being an individual.

You know the best thing you can do for people that depend on you? Be honest with them, even if it means setting them free.

You're saying I should leave Jerry.

I can't believe I'm finally having this conversation.

More wine? I think I've had enough.

Remember to square your shoulders, Jerry.

Yeah, yeah.

I got it.

That's okay.

I'm Mr.

Meeseeks! Look at me! Try again and keep your head down.

Okay, well, which is it? Square my shoulders or keep my head down? Well, it's both.

But most importantly, you got to relax.

You know what, Mr.

Meeseeks? I don't think this is working.

I give up.

I'm sorry, Jerry, but it doesn't work like that.

I'm Mr.

Meeseeks.

I have to fulfill my purpose so I can go away.

Look at me.

Well, make yourself comfortable, because I suck.

No, Jerry, I'm the one who sucks! Let me try something.